But laughter wasn’t the only thing Emma Jane remembered. Those darker memories, though, those she shoved down. No use in remembering when she could prevent them from happening again.
“If you’re so brave in your defense of others, you should do the same for yourself.”
Easy for him to say.
“I’ll try.” She started to go back to the baby, but once again, Jasper stopped her.
“Why are you so nice to the bandits?”
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“You don’t owe them anything.”
Emma Jane closed her eyes. Tried to shut down the thoughts of the past that had been threatening her ever since she was kidnapped.
“You’re right. I don’t. But I also know that the more cooperative I am, the less likely they are to harm me.”
“Look at me.”
She opened her eyes.
“You keep saying that, as if you know what it’s like to be kidnapped. Have you been kidnapped before?”
Gentleness filled his voice, and compassion was in his brown eyes. They’d been at odds so much since his arrival at the cabin, and here was the reminder that underneath was a Jasper that she found she liked, quite a lot.
The truth was so far from his suspicions, and she found she couldn’t give it voice. Yet how was she supposed to let him believe a lie?
“I’ve never been kidnapped.”
Emma Jane swallowed, unable to tear her gaze from his. “But I know what it’s like to live among people who make you afraid. Who will hurt you if you don’t do as they ask.”
“Who were you afraid of?”
She sighed, knowing that the only path out of this troubling conversation was the truth. Ignoring his previous request to not pick up the baby, she went to the baby and took him in her arms. Not as an excuse to avoid, but as comfort against the pain.
“My father got angry a lot. But I learned that if I just took care of things to make our household run smoothly, then he’d not be so angry.”
Emma Jane sat in the rocking chair with the baby, snuggling him to her, and looking at him rather than Jasper’s questioning eyes.
“Did he hurt you?”
The words pained her too much to come out. It somehow seemed disloyal to say such things about her father. He wasn’t a bad man, not like these men.
Emma Jane didn’t look up. “Everything was fine as long as I took care of everyone.”
Then she brought her gaze to Jasper. “And that’s what I’m doing here. Taking care of everyone so no one gets hurt.”
“Your father...” A muscle pulsed in his jaw, and he rubbed his head again.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Sometimes he drank too much. But everyone knows that. I learned to keep myself, and my sister, safe. And that’s what I’m trying to do here. That’s all that matters.”
Standing, Emma Jane shifted the baby to another position as she grabbed a blanket from a nearby chair. “Now I must insist that you rest.”
He looked at her, his eyes full of a fight, but his head clearly so weary that it was obvious what he needed. Fortunately, he lay down, and Emma Jane did her best to tuck the blanket around him.
“Thank you, Emma Jane,” he said huskily, putting his hand over hers as she patted the blanket. “I appreciate what you’ve done, and I hope you get some rest, too.”
“I will.” She gave his hand a squeeze, noting the warmth that passed between them.
As cross as he’d been with her, he still had room in his heart for kind feelings toward her. For warmth. Perhaps even for friendship.
Then she got up and walked over to where Daisy lay. Her fever had gone down, and she seemed to be less restless than she’d been when Emma Jane had first arrived.
“Everything’s going to be all right, Daisy,” she told the sleeping woman. “Your baby is just fine, and I’m taking good care of him.”
As if to confirm Emma Jane’s words, the baby gurgled softly, a contented sound, giving her hope that things really were going to be okay.
Though she’d been firm in telling Jasper that being kind to the bandits was the best way to keep them alive, part of her feared that it wouldn’t be enough. Because what she hadn’t told Jasper was while her tactics worked to placate her father, nothing had ever seemed good enough for her mother. The only difference was that while her father used his hand, her mother always wounded Emma Jane with her words. And sometimes, Emma Jane thought she’d much rather have the bruises.
Marriage to Jasper hadn’t been what she’d wanted. But in all her days as his wife, she hadn’t once been afraid he was going to hurt her. His mother might not be the warmest woman in the world, and yes, her insults did sting, but Jasper and his father had shown her more kindness and consideration than her own family had.
Which again felt disloyal, since she was supposed to honor her father and mother. They did the best they could, she supposed, considering her father’s battle with the drink and gambling. And her mother, being forced to live in a rough place like Leadville, when she’d been the belle of society before the war. Of course, Emma Jane had just been a baby during the war, and she didn’t remember any of it.
All she knew was that her mother said the war had changed her father, changed their family, and nothing had been the same since. But at least with Emma Jane’s marriage to Jasper, her family could have their finances restored. Maybe then they would find the happiness that had eluded them all these years.
As for Emma Jane, she’d learned not to pursue happiness for herself. But in taking care of others, she at least found a place where she could have contentment of sorts.
* * *
The smell of sizzling bacon woke Jasper. He tried to lift his head, but it felt heavy, like it was full of
