“But don’t you want things to be different?” Jasper’s voice sounded almost hoarse, like he was trying to contain emotions and not quite succeeding.
He was referring, of course, to their marriage. Contrary to popular belief, Emma Jane wasn’t stupid. He didn’t want their marriage any more than she had. All right. He’d wanted their marriage even less than she had. After all, Emma Jane had already accepted that her fate would not involve a love match.
Still, she had hoped that, in some way, the man she married would at least want her.
“Of course I want things to be different. But they are what they are, so why would I waste my time wishing for things that aren’t possible?”
“Or you could make them what you want to be.” His words were quiet as he sank into a chair by the fire.
What was he saying? How did you make a marriage what you wanted it to be when neither of you wanted the marriage? Or was he suggesting they end it?
“Or you make the best of what you have.” She looked at him squarely, challenging him. Making lemonade out of lemons was something Emma Jane had become quite good at. Not just in her life circumstances, but even in turning someone else’s cast-off dress into something beautiful. Everyone had said her sister, Gracie, was one of the finest dressed young ladies in town.
No one realized that it had been Emma Jane’s skill that had accomplished that goal.
Even now, as she cared for this tiny baby with few supplies, she’d made do, and while things weren’t perfect, the baby seemed content enough.
She pulled her chair closer to Daisy. “Do you think she can hear us?”
“You’re avoiding the conversation.”
“What conversation?” Emma Jane didn’t look at him, not wanting to see the expression on his face. Just as with the bandits, he seemed to be deliberately trying to bait her.
“About you.”
“Me?” This time she did look at him. “Are you trying to provoke some sort of disagreement? I don’t know what else you want to hear from me. I’ve told you that I believe in making the best of things. I’m not sure what else there is to discuss on the matter.”
His eyes darkened, and his expression lay hidden by the shadows, which seemed to have deepened since he sat down.
“I’m trying to understand.”
Though his words seemed to be in earnest, there seemed to be something else beneath the surface. Something Emma Jane wasn’t sure she wanted to explore.
“Then please accept my need to make the best of things. We don’t have a choice in being here. I could just as easily play the hysterical woman at being kidnapped. I’ve played that part before, and it did me no good. At least in this situation, I can feel like I’m doing something useful, and I have a distraction to keep my mind off the thing I fear the most.”
“And what do you fear the most?”
Emma Jane swallowed. “Dying, of course. I have so much I want to do in my life, and I...”
She looked down at the baby. “I don’t want to leave this earth without having experienced some of the joys I’ve been longing for.”
Truthfully, as the infant snuggled against her, she had to admit that caring for this child was one of those joys. She’d always hoped for a baby of her own, yet the longer she had this precious little boy with her, the more he seemed like her own.
What was she going to do when Daisy got better?
“What joys?” Jasper’s stare felt so heavy on her she couldn’t bear to look up.
She didn’t have an answer for him. After all, most of the things she wanted seemed too impossible to even give voice. Love, happiness—those were ideas she had to find a way to let go of. But the warm bundle in her arms forced one word out of her mouth.
“Family.”
“I want that, too,” Jasper said gruffly.
Her head snapped up and she stared at him. “You said ours would be a marriage in name only.”
“We could discuss...”
Jasper shifted as though the idea made him just as uncomfortable as it made her. No, worse. It seemed as though he was suggesting something completely intolerable to him, but he’d be willing to do it for the greater good.
“No. I’m perfectly aware of what having a family would take. And I can’t do...that...without love.”
Emma Jane could feel the heat on her face rise. Proper ladies didn’t speak of such things. But a gentleman would never suggest them, either. She closed her eyes. Except, of course, if they were husband and wife. Which she and Jasper technically were.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just thought, since we both wanted the same thing, we could find a way to compromise.”
Finally finding the courage to look at him, Emma Jane opened her eyes. “I can’t compromise on that.”
She looked down at Daisy, whose breathing had grown more ragged. “It seems to me that a woman who compromises on those issues is no better than the women of her profession.”
Smoothing Daisy’s hair off her feverish brow, she examined the woman’s features. Though probably younger than Emma Jane, Daisy’s face was marked with years of rough living. “I mean no disrespect to Daisy, because I’m sure she did the best she could do.”
Emma Jane brought her attention back to Jasper. “I’ve sacrificed enough in my life. There are some things I can cling to, and this is one of them. If you insist on fully being my husband, I won’t fight you. But I hope you respect my desire to have at least that one choice belong to me.”
“I would never force a woman in that regard. Like you, I believe such an act should be one of love.” She couldn’t read his expression in the firelight, but his tone was unmistakable. She’d offended him—deeply.
“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean
