I needed this; my eyes closed as I embraced the weight of his arms. “What page do I need to turn to?”
“One forty-two. Do you want me to do it? I can. Just give me the word.”
I must have given him enough of one because soon, he was reaching around me. He opened that binder, and the appropriate page must have been marked because the book opened right to page 142. Getting to what Royal needed me to see was too easy.
So easy…
I covered my mouth at only a look of photos, hands that didn’t look like hands. There were only pieces… fingers and the flash of a face, bruises on cheeks and around eyes…
I can’t do this.
This wasn’t her. This wasn’t what she was supposed to be. This wasn’t my sister. This wasn’t…
“Em!”
I collapsed to the floor, and Royal came with me, holding me, squeezing me so damn tight.
“December, I’m sorry. Sorry,” he rasped, pushing back my hair as he rocked me, but sorry for what? Showing me this? My sister’s spare parts? What did this show? What could this possibly show?
“Why?” I ached, shuddering in his arms. “Why did you do this? Why would you show me this!”
“Because it’s the truth.” He ached too, his deep voice so thick and pained. “It’s everything. Paige, she… Paige had bruises. Bruises around her wrists and forearms. Her neck…”
Her neck?
“It all shows signs of trauma,” he continued. “Do you understand me?”
I didn’t understand, and he pulled back my hair, clearing it from my ear when he leaned in.
“The bruises were everywhere, Em. Her waist and in between her legs…” Royal shook his head. “There’s trauma everywhere—”
“What are you trying to say!” I turned around, and he let go of me. I’d never seen such torture on his face, such raw emotion, when he squeezed his eyes.
He dropped his hand. “I’m saying your sister was dragged by a train, yeah. But there’s a binder full of evidence that shows she was dead before it even came down the track.”
Five
One year ago
Paige
“How are you holding up, Paige?”
I opened my eyes, unable to fucking breathe. Pressing my hand to the office’s window, I stared outside. People were across the street in a park, people together and just chillin’. One couple pushed a baby in a stroller. They were together, not thinking about anyone else or fucking drama.
“Paige… I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s… It’s not right.”
“Paige?”
My lashes flashed, and I turned, my breath stolen away again. Lena stared at me, expectant. She told me to call her that. Not my counselor anymore since freshman year.
“What?” I asked, bracing my arms. She’d said something to me.
The woman’s smile was slight, her eyes always warm as she lounged back against her desk. “I asked how you’d been holding up. You came to see me. Gosh, it’s been years.”
It had been years, enough for me to notice. I should have come to her sooner. I should have come to her before things got so deep.
But that’s not why you’re here now.
The reason was stupid, incredibly, and I realized that the moment Lena left her desk and approached. I couldn’t look at her directly in the eye, so close to someone else’s…
“I’m sorry.” I really was dumb, and I left, needing to breathe. I needed to get out of there.
Why can’t I just let go?
I didn’t want to, anger and fury filling me. The betrayal was suffocating, my own damn fucking fault. I should have known that’s where this would go. I wasn’t worth it to anyone.
I wasn’t worth fighting for.
Certain of that now, I passed Lena and forced myself to let go of a lifeline. I needed to let go, so obsessed I had to see Lena. She’d been my friend, but that’s not why I came to her. I wanted something, selfish for needing only one last look of those eyes. They weren’t mine to look at, to have. That fact had been proven to me, and I had to accept that.
“Paige, wait.”
I clipped my old counselor’s shoulder, Lena, on the way out. Me coming in here like I did, then leaving wasn’t fair to her, but I didn’t fucking care. There’d be no more hurt after I left this room, only pain.
There’d only be revenge.
I slammed the door to the downtown practice, leaving the building as quickly as I’d come. I was so happy I’d come to see Lena in the end. I’d needed a reality check.
I needed one last goodbye to those eyes.
Six
The present
December
I drowned in a sea of images, reality I forced myself to take in. I had to see the truth. I had to experience it, and doing so ripped me apart, each and every image I forced myself to thumb through. I had to see it all, though. I had to be shown the truth, and sometimes, yeah, Royal had to turn those pages for me. Sometimes, he even had to hold me up just for me to see those images, but I was there for every one. I was there for the story.
I was there for this new reality.
He showed me pain. He showed me trauma, and every moment he made sure to remain stronger than me. He soldiered on through my screams, held me through my terror, and told me the story.
No matter how much it broke him too.
He told me there was tearing at one point, physical evidence of forced entry discovered via the autopsy. There were no photos
