Another laugh. This was with a shy smile and a blush.
Somewhere over our time in the Caribbean, boundaries blurred. Justifying my actions by saying I wanted to help her couldn’t mask the way I craved her. I couldn’t lie and say I did it all for her. I wanted to be around her for me. I liked her. A lot. And breaking down those boundaries left me in a limbo I didn’t know how to navigate.
Did she want to continue how we were those last few days on the beach, like a couple who had a right to touch and kiss? Or did she want to go back to friends, who only touched at Voyeur?
I guessed tonight would test the last one. I invited her to my apartment because I wanted privacy and time.
“You’re still my friend. Whether the benefits end or not.”
She perched on the edge of a bar stool as I grabbed a bottle of wine, but I stopped at her words. She said them as a statement, but I heard the question behind them—the same uncertainty that swirled inside me slipped out with one sentence.
I set the wine on the counter and waited for her to meet my eyes. “Like I said, I’m all yours.”
Her hand slid over mine to grab the glass and stayed there. The moment stretched as we danced around the real question of what we were doing, or better yet, how much longer we could do it before something imploded.
I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t have the actual conversation our eyes were sharing right now. I cleared my throat and softly extracted my hand.
“It’s no hardship. You’re a beautiful woman.”
“You’re not too bad yourself.”
“I do the best I can for my age,” I joked with a wink.
“Yeah, I mean, how old are you? Sixty? Seventy?” She tried to hide her smile behind her glass, but her eyes glimmered with humor.
“You’re a riot.”
“Numbers are my jam. What can I say?”
“Speaking of numbers, how was heading back to work today?”
What I really wanted to ask was, how was it seeing what’s his face? Did you flirt? Did you finally accept his date? Is this ending soon because you’re good to go now that you know you can have sex?
“It was fine. I had lunch with Alex and avoided the third degree from Erik by hiding in my office and catching up on work.”
“He worries about you.”
I worried about her. We’d managed to move past our argument in the Caribbean and enjoyed each other the rest of the trip, but I couldn’t shake her denial of the past still bothering her. Every time she snapped about it and then said she was fine, my fears grew. How much longer could she go before she exploded?
“That he does. And I love him for it. But I’m also in the latter half of my twenties. At some point, I have to be able to live my life without explaining everything like I’m twelve. Hell, my mom and dad don’t even pester me so much.”
“I can’t imagine. David and I were wild, but as long as we didn’t set anything on fire or get arrested, our parents didn’t really care.”
“And were you able to do that?”
“I never got arrested. We may have set a few things on fire.”
“You hellion,” she joked. “So, what do you have planned for tonight?”
Walking around the bar, I studied her, tried to pick up on any nerves she may have. The closer I got, the harder the pulse against her neck got. Her lips parted when I slid my hand against her neck, moving up into her hair. Her eyes dilated, almost swallowing every centimeter of green when I fisted my hand and jerked her head back.
She gasped but quickly looked down, hiding her reaction like she always did when a bite of pain turned her on. Her body and mind were at war, and my goal tonight was to make sure they were in sync.
“Is that okay?” I asked softly.
She still didn’t look up but nodded as much as my grip would allow. I scanned down her body, analyzing every inch for signs of distress. Her palms spread on her thighs and gripped tight. She squirmed on the seat, and I swear to god, if I dipped my head, I was sure to smell her desire. My eyes snagged on her full breasts, her perfect fucking nipples poking hard against the thin material of her shirt. Wanting her to be aware of her reaction, I flicked the hard tip with my finger, and her eyes shot to mine, dark and wanting.
“It’s okay to like it, Hanna. It’s okay to take control of your pleasure and what you like. If a bite of pain turns you on—makes you wet—” I breathed against the skin of her neck, nipping at the tender flesh. “Then that’s okay. Your past has no control over that.”
When I pulled back, I jerked her hair again, and this time, her eyes stayed glued to mine. This time her tongue peeked out to slick across her lips, almost begging me to taste them.
“What do you want?” she asked breathlessly.
I relaxed my fist in her hair and moved my thumb to brush along her cheek. “I want to test your limits. I want you to accept that they may be further than you think. Can I do that, Hanna?”
Another wipe across her lips, and I couldn’t resist. I leaned down and bit the lush bottom one, loving the moan tumbling out.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Good girl,” I praised, stepping back. I gripped her hand and tugged her off the stool, pulling her behind me into my bedroom.
She held on tightly and scanned the simple setup. I rarely brought women to my home, and I kept it simple. A dark bedspread over a king-size bed with a headboard with slats. I liked to be able to loop things through if need be. Not that I would tonight.
The scars hidden
