I shook my head, not having any clue what he would have been thinking.
“I wondered why there wasn’t a single person out there that I could call family. And I always wondered if there really wasn’t anyone left, or if no one wanted me. Florrie, you have no fucking idea what that feels like, to feel so alone and know that there’s not a single family member that loves you enough to come for you. I know this is fucking hard for you. I know that you love Reid like your own, but there is someone out there that wants him, and I won’t be the one to take that away from him.”
I just stood there, gaping at him and wondering what the hell to say. From his perspective, I could see why he felt the way he did, but that didn’t change the way I felt. There were so many questions I had, and I didn’t even know where to start.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
He laughed humorlessly. “I’ve never told anyone, Florrie. It’s a time in my life that I never want to think about. It’s taken me a long time to stop having nightmares about the things my dad did to me, but I got past that, and as long as I don’t think about it, I’m good. So, no, I never brought it up because I didn’t want to go back down that road.”
“But what about Reid? It would have been something for you to…”
“What? To bond over?” He shook his head almost angrily. “Is that what you think I want to bond with him over? You think I want to tell him that I know exactly what he’s been through and then we can share our stories? Florrie, you’re the first fucking person that I’ve ever said anything to. I wouldn’t know how to fucking talk to him about it!”
“But at least he would know that someone understands!”
“I don’t want him to fucking know!” he shouted. “Goddamnit, Florrie, I tried talking to him, and I came up with nothing. Maybe other guys can do this shit, but not me. I don’t have the first fucking clue how to help him other than by protecting him. I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Chris talked to him,” I said incredulously.
“Yeah, and that’s Chris. I’m fucking glad that he knew what to do and what to say. Yeah, I wish it was me, but it’s not, and I’m fine with that. He needed someone that he could connect with, and he found it. I’m not selfish enough that everything has to come from me. I think everyone here has something they can offer, but talking to Reid about his shitty home life isn’t a strength of mine.”
“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Aside from the fact that you didn’t want to talk to me about it, I think you’re missing one very big point. You hounded me about opening up to you for years. How could you beg me to open up to you when you weren’t being honest with me?”
“I told you everything that was relevant. I don’t consider what happened to me as a kid in any way reflecting on the man I’ve become.”
“But you just said that you’re trying to live your life the way Tyler would have wanted you to.”
“Because he gave me a second chance at life!”
I pressed my hands against the sides of my head. I felt like I was going to explode. How could he not see what a hypocrite he was being? And arguing with him was like arguing with a wall. He was never going to see things through my eyes, so I wasn’t sure why I was even trying.
“Look,” I said calmly, “I understand all the reasons you’re trying to help Reid. I wish that you had told me sooner. If we had talked about this before, at least I wouldn’t feel so blindsided by where your loyalties lie.”
“My loyalties are to Reid and making sure he has the best life he can.”
“Right,” I bit out, pissed off for so many reasons right now that I didn’t know where to start. “And while I appreciate that you think you’re doing what’s best for Reid, what about me?”
“What about you, Florrie? You’re not a kid that needs protecting. You’re capable of making your own decisions. Reid doesn’t have that. I’m trying to give him options.”
“So, you think he needs protecting from me?”
“No, I think that your intentions are good, but you’re not thinking of only Reid. You’re attached to that kid and you want to do what you want.”
“I’m not attached to him. I love him and you’re trying to take that from me. Fuck, you make me sound like some spoiled child that’s upset because her toy was taken away. He’s not just a kid that I picked up off the street, Alec. He’s like my son! That’s how I see him. Every single time I look at him, I see the son we should have had. I see a boy that I love so much, I would do anything for him. He’s mine in every way that counts. You can’t take that from me. You can’t just rip him away like he means nothing to me! We’re supposed to be on
