I saw the understanding there, but also the resignation, like she was trying to tell me what I already knew. “Sometimes there’s no going back. Sometimes the choices we make change the way our lives turn out, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“So, you think I’m screwed,” I laughed.
She placed her hand on mine and gave a small squeeze. “I think that if you love her, you should fight for her. But if you think it’s over, don’t waste your time with someone that’s going to make you unhappy. You seem to be a good guy. I don’t know you that well, but I hate to see you so sad.”
There was something that passed between us as we stared at each other. It wasn’t exactly a spark or chemistry, but it was enough to make both of us pull back and pretend that whatever it was didn’t just happen. Clearing my throat, I tossed some bills down on the counter and stood.
“Thanks for the advice,” I said, smiling down on her.
“Anytime. I’ll be here for a little bit if you need another morsel or two of advice.”
“Got a stockpile of it, huh?”
She shrugged lightly. “What can I say? Life experience is something I’ve got in spades right now.”
“Well, I’m sure I’ll be around again to pick your brain.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I drove home, determined to get through to Florrie tonight. Amanda was right. I needed to fight with whatever was left in me or I needed to move on. And since I felt like I would die without Florrie, fighting was the only option. I pulled into the driveway and pulled my jacket up over my head as I stepped out of the truck. It had started to rain on the way home, sending a chill through me, almost like a warning.
When I walked inside, Florrie glared at me and walked away. I ran up to her, grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around. “You don’t get to keep walking away from me. We need to talk this shit out.”
“Oh, now you want to talk about something? It would have been nice if you had talked about a lot of stuff with me, but you never did.”
“How long are you going to keep throwing that shit in my face? Is there any part of you that can understand where I’m coming from? Can’t you see how much this is tearing me up inside?”
“No,” she yelled, jerking her arm out of my grasp. “I can’t see it, because if you were really torn up inside, you would be feeling the same way I do. But you’re off bonding with your new team and building a deck-”
“While recovering from a head injury you gave me,” I spat.
“You deserved it and so much more.”
“Yeah, you’ve told me. You’ve also told me how fucking worthless I am to you. Tell me, is there any part of you that still loves me?”
“What’s to love? You tore my fucking heart out! There’s nothing left for me to give!”
“There’s me,” I said, dragging her up against me. “You have me left, but you’re too fucking stubborn to see that. I love you, Florrie. I’ve always fucking loved you. I’ve been fighting to have you by my side ever since you walked into that bar in that sexy dress and gave me the signal that you wanted me. But even before that, I was praying every fucking night that I would be lucky enough to have you one day. But you’re so goddamn stubborn. Every time we take a step forward, you take three steps back. You’re always fucking running from me. You have to stop fucking running. You have to let this shit go and forgive me!”
“Let it go? Like it’s that simple?”
I gripped her tighter when I felt her trying to jerk away. I wasn’t letting go this time. “It is that fucking simple. This was a bump in the road, but we can have us back. You just have to fucking forget all this crap and remember what we have.”
She stared at me like she was seeing an alien. She shook her head slowly, her mouth dropping open in astonishment. “Just forget it…That’s really what you think I need to do? Just walk away from someone that I love more than anything and pretend he never existed?”
“I didn’t say that-”
“You didn’t have to! You’re asking me to forget the one person that mattered to me more than anything. Well, guess what? You took him away and now you’re the only person that doesn’t matter at all to me.”
I stared into those hard eyes, praying I would see some sign that she didn’t mean what she just said, but there was nothing but emptiness there. I swallowed hard, forcing myself to take a step back from her. I slowly uncurled my fingers from her arm and released her. She jerked her arm back and shook her head at me. There was nothing left there. I had tried. I did whatever I could to get her back, but she was lost to me. The woman staring back at me wasn’t the woman I loved. I didn’t recognize this person.
I took another step back, my heart shattering inside me. I wanted to say something to her, anything to beg for her to hold on and work this out with me, but it became clear to me in that moment that she didn’t want to work this out. She wanted me to walk away so that she didn’t have to deal with the pain of being around me anymore. I was nothing to her, and I never would be again.
I spun on my heel and jerked open the door, rushing out into the rain. I didn’t know where I was headed, but when I backed out of the driveway in my truck and took one last look at the
