It’s not a quick process, but once we’re done, we make our way into the living room where Greg shoots up off the couch to come to Gia’s side.
“I got your favorite Mexican food,” he tells her. “And their famous lemonade.”
“Thanks, baby,” Gia says, using her crutches to get to the couch.
Greg helps lower her down to the recliner, and we all settle into our new normal. I’m a Floridian again.
45
As soon as I get off the phone with Nova, I head downstairs and find Merrick in the den. He’s sipping a drink and looking at his phone. His head snaps up when I walk in.
“Everything all right?”
I head straight to the liquor and pour myself a drink. “That was Nova. She’s not going to be coming back.”
“Ever?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. She has to take care of her sister.”
“Damn, man. I’m sorry.”
Over the last couple days I’ve told Merrick everything about me and Nova. He gave me a little shit about the fact that she was a student, considering he was teasing me about that the last time he was here. But he’s happy that I’m happy.
“So, what now?”
I sit down across from him and take a sip. “We’re gonna see what happens. I’ll head down there for Christmas break.”
“Long distance, huh?”
“Don’t really have a choice.”
“Yeah, I guess not. That sucks, though. You guys haven’t had that much time together.”
“Yeah.”
I’ve hated these past two weeks without her. My life went right back to how it was prior to meeting Nova. And now that I know what it could be like, it makes it that much worse.
I’ve finished the series she suggested I read. I’ve tried two new-to-me restaurants. I listen to music a little more, but it’s not the same if she’s not here dancing and singing to it.
Making breakfast makes me think of her and her misshapen pancakes. I think of her when I go to bed, when I get up, and when I’m in the class that she’s no longer a student in.
“What about you?” I ask, wanting to get out of my own head. “Tell me what’s going on.”
He sighs. “Ah, you know.”
“Don’t give me some generic response either.”
Merrick grunts. “You’re a shit, you know that?”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been bullshitting around something for a while. So tell me what’s going on.”
He throws his head back, swallowing the rest of his drink in one gulp, then puts the glass down on the table. His eyes meet mine like he’s trying to tell me without words. When I only continue to stare back, he lets out a sigh.
“This is a lifestyle most everyone wants, right? Or at least dreams about. People want money, fame, the ability to travel. And we’ve just started. I know I’m lucky.”
“Okay,” I say with a nod.
“And me and the guys are still cool, there’s no drama. But…” he pauses, looking off to the side like he’s searching for his next words. “Have you ever felt like people don’t know you?” He shakes his head. “Maybe it’s not that.” After a deep sigh, he says, “I’m just tired.”
“You can go upstairs and get some rest.”
“No. Not tired like that. I feel like I’m constantly working to be something I’m not.”
I put my drink down and focus all of my attention on him. “What are you talking about, Merrick?”
He stands up, running his hands through his hair, and begins pacing behind the couch. “Fuck.” He stops, resting his hands on the back of the couch, looking back at me. “You remember when I was sixteen?”
I nod. “Of course.”
Merrick was constantly keeping me on my toes. When his brothers moved out and it was just me and him, he seemed to make it his job to have me worry about him. He was sneaking out regularly, and I caught him coming in drunk a few times. It was constant lies and deceit. He fought back against authority, and he smoked weed with his friends. He was rebelling. I just didn’t know why.
“You remember my friend Ali?”
“I do.”
He eyes me a bit longer, like he’s waiting for me to say something more.
“So, you remember that night?”
I release a breath. We’re finally going to talk about it. “Yeah.”
After a few seconds of a silent staring contest, he shakes his head. “Never mind, man. You have a lot to think about. I don’t need to throw all my shit out on your shoulders. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Maybe I will go get some sleep.”
“Merrick.”
“No, really. It’s okay,” he says with a grin.
“I don’t mind listening.”
“I know, but it’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.”
After he leaves, I sit there for a little while, wondering when he’ll reach the point where he feels like he can talk to me, or anyone, about what he’s dealing with.
As I finish my drink, I think about this situation with Nova. I will never be mad at her for making this decision because it’s the same decision I made over and over again when my brothers were younger. They always came first. It was them before any relationship or any of my own personal desires.
And now, even though they’re older, I’d still drop everything to rush to their side if they needed me. Nova taking care of her sister is noble and selfless, and it makes me adore her even more.
We started off having obstacles, so what’s one more?
46
The letter comes on November thirtieth. The date we started dating. I found it stuck under the windshield wiper of my sister’s car when I went to check the mail. After handling it with a pair of gloves on, I read the note.
I thought you loved me. I thought you’d come back home as soon as you thought I was heading your way. Did you find a new boyfriend already? Is that why you didn’t come back? This is your fault, Nova. I had to do what I
