They all laughed, and then Dev asked out of the blue, “So how are you doing now, about the whole one-under thing?”
Mal choked on his pickled onion.
Kyle patted him on the back, frowning at Dev. “Maybe we shouldn’t—”
“What, so I’m not allowed to mention the Elephant and Castle in the room?” Dev’s tone was light, but he gave Mal a searching look.
Mal held up his finger and swivelled it for good measure until he could speak. “Prick. It happened at Kennington, and you know it.” He took a swig of Coke and almost managed to choke on that. “It’s . . . a work in progress.”
Dev nodded. “You ever want to talk or anything . . .” He leaned over and grasped Mal’s arm. “’M here for you, bruv.”
“Yeah. Cheers.” That coughing fit had left his throat all tight. Mal took another swig of Coke to cover it.
After they’d eaten, they took Zelley down to the beach at Mother Ivey’s Bay. With the skies still grey and threatening more rain, there weren’t many people there and definitely no eye candy. A few families were making the best of it, the tots dressed in shorts and anoraks building sandcastles while Mum and Dad huddled together with a flask of tea. It was a real 1950s moment. Well, if you ignored Mum’s ebook and Dad’s smartphone.
While Dev threw a ball for the dog, Mal and Kyle sat down on the sand. It was cold under their bums, and Mal found himself envying the families—a cup of tea would’ve gone down a treat right now.
Mal cleared his throat. “So, uh, I guess you heard all about me and Jory, yeah?”
Kyle nodded. “I can’t say I’ve had anything but bad experiences with that family, but I’m willing to keep an open mind. How did you meet him?”
“Local museum. He’s gonna be a secondary schoolteacher in September, but he’s working there for now.” Mal smiled, remembering. “He ain’t like his brother and sister. They’re all about business and money and keeping up appearances, bollocks like that. But Jory’s into learning stuff and passing it on.”
“He’s younger than them?”
“That you asking me if he’s a dirty old man? Yeah, I think they were nine or ten when he was born. So he’s less older than me than you are than Dev. Uh, if that makes sense.” He thought about it. “Huh. I could just’ve said he’s not as old as you.”
“Thanks. Now I feel like a dirty old man.”
“Anytime, mate.”
“So you’ve been going out with him for a while, then?”
“Uh, well. Um. Not exactly. I mean, we’ve been out together a few times, but . . . it’s complicated.”
Kyle frowned. “Oh? I must’ve misunderstood. I thought from what Dev said that it was a serious thing.”
Oh, fuck a duck. “It is, but . . . Fuck it, I really like him, but I’m shit scared it’s not gonna work out. Christ, this is the worst possible time for me to meet someone. My head’s still all fucked up.”
Kyle gave him a look that said I am older and wiser than you. Mal would’ve been well pissed off by it if the subtext, which came across loud and clear, hadn’t been I’ve fucked my life up more times than you’ve had hot dinners. “I understand your worries. Believe me. But things don’t always happen at exactly the right time—and if you wait for it to be the right time, you could end up missing out altogether. Do you want to take that chance?”
“No.” Mal took a deep breath. “It’s fucking terrifying, though, you know?”
“Believe me, I know.”
“How’s it been for you?” Mal blurted it out. “I mean, yeah, you had this high-flying legal career, didn’t you—”
“Not that high-flying.”
“But still, you had to, well, change your ideas about what you were gonna do with your life. When you got ill.”
Kyle stared out to sea for a moment. “I’m not going to tell you it’s easy,” he said at last. “There’s always the worry . . . People who don’t understand what you’re dealing with can be . . .” He sighed. “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not trying hard enough. They don’t know what they’re talking about.”
“What if it’s me thinking it?”
“Well, that’s harder to deal with. But you just have to be honest with yourself. About what you really want, and what you can actually do. About whether your career is really worth the sacrifices you’ll have to make for it.” Kyle shrugged. “I don’t know if that helps at all.”
Mal nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it helps. Cheers, mate.” He clapped Kyle on the shoulder and jumped up. “Wanna skim stones?”
It wasn’t until late that night that Mal finally got some time to himself. Dev and Kyle had gone back to the cottage, Tasha was serving the stragglers in the bar, the ones who acted like they had no homes to go to, and he’d escaped to his room.
All he could think about was Jory. Well, no, that wasn’t quite true. He thought a lot about Dev and Kyle, and how fucking happy they were together too. And he thought about his job.
Driving on the Tubes had been all he’d wanted to do ever since he could remember. To a preschool kid, it’d seemed the coolest job in the world—didn’t every little kid want to drive a train? And how many actually had a dad who did that job, and who’d tell them spooky stories about the tunnels?
His dad had been so proud when Mal had started work as a driver. For the first time in his life, Mal had felt like his dad saw him as a man. The right sort of man, one he might have been mates with if they weren’t family. And Mal had really wanted that. Dad had been so awesome about him being bi, for a start. Like it didn’t matter to him who Mal went out with. And yeah, obviously his mum had been the best,
