He shook his head."No."
"What do you mean no?"
"I mean no; no one is getting upthe mountain tonight while it’s still snowing. You’re figurativelyand literally stuck here."
"Oh."
"Why were you heading up themountain in a snow storm anyway?"
"I was headed to a friend'shouse."
"By yourself?" he askedsuspiciously.
Nellie stared at her hands."Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I needed a break and wastrying to get away from—"she broke off, unable to continue. After aminute, she came up with the right word. "Everything."
"Everything?"
She took a deep breath in andslowly exhaled. She felt the familiar burning coming back to herchest, just thinking about her life. "Yes, everything." She closedher eyes.
"I don’t want to put any pressureon you, because it seems like you may be under a lot of pressure,but you can tell me anything. If you want to unload, unload. We’restuck here for a while, and, frankly, there’s nothing good on TVtonight. I checked."
God, it was right there, telling the world thatshe had been so weak that she had wanted to kill herself. How couldhe bare her deepest, darkest secret like that? How could he betrayher so?
And then, it took a suddendivergence.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: June 20,2012
Elizabeth couldn't believe what she wasreading.
Her tears had stopped, replaced bylaughter. Ben poured another round of whiskey. Nellie wasn'tusually much of a liquor drinker, but this night seemed to call forit. She finally relaxed and sank into the couch. She realized thatBen had grown serious and was studying her, as if trying to decodeher. She didn't want to disappoint him by telling him there wasnothing worth decoding. She was flat and boring, and a failure toboot.
"Why would you say that? TheNellie I used to know is anything but flat and boring. And Iseriously doubt that you're a failure to anyone butyourself."
Nellie had not even realized thatshe had spoken aloud until Ben answered her. "Well, maybe I didn'tuse to be, but I am now. I don't know where I went wrong, and Idon't know how to get back on the right path. Maybe I'm not afailure, but I'm certainly lost."
"What if I show you how to findyourself?" Ben's eyes began to sparkle.
Was it Nellie's imagination, orwas he getting turned on? She studied him for a moment. Yes, heseemed to be aroused. She took another drink while she studied Ben.Perhaps she should stop drinking, because realizing that he wasturned-on was turning her on.
Coyly, she said, "What do you havein mind?"
This could not be happening. But there it was.The proposal of a "relationship." Elizabeth wondered if you couldeven really consider it a relationship.
"So, let me get this straight ...you are going to tell me what to do all the time?" Nellie saidskeptically. "Cause that doesn't sound all thatappealing."
Ben pushed a hair back behind herear and trailed a finger down her cheek, tracing her jawbone. Herskin radiated fire from his touch. "Trust me, and you will have totrust me. Everything I do will appeal to you. I can tell it doesalready. Your pupils are dilated and your lips are parted. You aredying for me to touch you. Aren't you?"
Before Nellie could help herself,she breathed a "yes" in response.
"Good. Now I'm going to show youhow this works. You need to know that I will not really hurt you inany way. I'll give you a safe word and if it gets too much, you canuse that word and I will stop, no questions asked."
With every turn of the page, it got worse andworse. The debasement. The humiliation. Elizabeth kept going,hoping it would get better, but knowing that it wouldn't. Pageafter page describing degrading act after degrading act.
"Just stand there and let me lookat you. If you move, I will punish you."
She knew that he meant it, and,even though she thought it should repulse her, it only turned heron more. If that was even possible. He walked around her once, andthen again, examining her from head to toe. She could not rememberthe last time she had stood naked in front of a man. He took theswitch in his hand, and flicked a spot just below her rightshoulder blade.
"What are those scarsfrom?"
"I was in a car accident with myboyfriend when I was twenty. The car rolled and I got cut." She hadtwo long scars that started by her breast and wrapped around to herback, almost forming a triangle. He drew the switch across thescars and it made her tremble.
"How about these?" He said,drawing the switch across her outer hip. She looked down to seewhat he meant. He abruptly flicked the switch, causing a painfulsting on her buttocks.
She was shaken. "Um, stretchmarks?"
"Why do you have stretchmarks?"
"Because I gained weight with mypregnancies. I only recently lost all of it."
"Keep it off. I don't mind thatyou are soft and supple. I like that as opposed to some of the hardbodies I've been with. It means I can bend you and train you to mywill. But don't gain an ounce back. I will know. I will bewatching." He traced her soft abdomen, gently flicking the fleshthat formed her small love handles and the pooch of a belly thatshe could never seem to get rid of.
He walked around her again. Shewas trying so hard not to tremble. She could not bear this muchlonger. Her shoulders ached from holding such an erect posture, andthe throbbing between her legs was agonizing.
"And this," he said, drawing theswitch across her pubic area, just below the hairline.
Nellie exhaled in a quiver. "My,my c-section scar."
Elizabeth could not believe this. Sure, manywomen had stretch marks and had c-sections scars, but the flankscars—well, those were all hers. He had not only literally exposedher by revealing her foiled suicide attempt, but he had actuallydescribed her body as well. Every single beauty mark and flaw, notto mention a very detailed description of her breasts, right downto her bra size, and how they were beginning to sag. She couldn'teven begin to process the description of her genital region. Whatwas she going to do? God, the book was out there, and everyone wasreading it. It was on the
