"Here, this is for you," he said,returning from the kitchen and handing her a white ceramic mug.Nellie looked inside. Hot chocolate with marshmallows. Just likeshe made for her kids when they were outside in the snow. This guywho she had not seen in almost twenty years had shown Nellie morekindness and compassion, and had done more for her since she hadknocked on the door, than her husband or children had shown her inthe past decade.
"Marshmallows." Nellie managed tosay wistfully before her floodgates opened.
She sank onto the couch behindher, desperately clutching the warm ceramic mug between her hands,trying not to spill the hot liquid as she shook, this time withtears. The enormity of her situation bore down on her with crushingforce. She was so alone. Her husband was cheating on her. He wouldprobably be going public in town with his swinger lifestyle. He wasgoing to leave her. She was going to be financially destitute,unable to provide for her children. And she almost committedsuicide over the whole damn mess.
"Had I known that you felt thatway about marshmallows, I would not have put them in. I didn’t knowthey were so offensive," Ben said quietly and seriously.
Nellie’s crying hiccoughed to astop abruptly and she looked at him. He looked back at herseriously. Then, she smiled. And started giggling. She continued toshake. Ben reached over and took the mug from her hands and set iton an end table.
"Over here you go, you offensivelumps of processed sugar."
Nellie continued giggling untilthe giggles morphed into full-throated laughter. She held her sidesuntil the tears started streaming down from laughing sohard.
"That’s better, right?" He said ashe sat down next to her on the couch. She angled her body to facehim and wiped her cheeks.
"Much," Nellie said, pausing forbreath. "Thanks for that. I think I was about to head over the edgefor a minute there."
"That’s what I was afraidof."
"Typical man, can’t handle tears,"Nellie muttered before she could stop herself. She looked up with ashocked expression. "Oh, God. I’m so sorry for that. I mean, um,you’ve been nothing but, well, um, you—" she stammered.
Ben put up his hands to stop her."No worries. You’re absolutely right. Can’t handle tears. Makes mewant to run for the hills."
"Aren’t you already in thehills?"
"Yeah, that’s how I ended up here—my ex was a bit of a drama queen."
"I doubt it, but it’s a betterstory than how I ended up here."
"Speaking of which, how did you?What happened out there?"
Nellie looked at her hands,knotted in her lap. She took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled."I went off the road. Got a flat and tried to fix it. Left thelights on, and drained the battery. Then, asshole that I amdropped, the lug nuts. I ran out of options, so I had towalk."
"How long did youwalk?"
"Um," Nellie started, "Not sure. Ikind of sat down for a while."
"Sat down? Where?"
"Well, it was more like laid down.I tripped and fell and didn’t get up for a little bit."
He knotted his brows together andstared at her like she had two heads. "You know you could have dieddoing that, right?"
Nellie looked up and met Ben’seyes. She didn’t have to say anything. The look on her facebetrayed her.
"Oh," he said softly, a look ofpanic crossing his face.
She shook her head quickly. "I’mokay, really. It was a momentary thing. You don’t have toconfiscate my shoe laces or anything. Really."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I, um, just lost itfor a minute, but I got it back together."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?" She didn’tknow if he was talking about why she wanted to kill herself, or whyshe didn’t.
He looked at his hands. He seemedangry. "What could be so bad?"
Nellie met his gaze and took adeep breath in. "Honestly, I had never thought of it before today.It was a momentary thing. Really. It’s just," she faltered andexhaled. "My life kind of sucks right now."
"So why didn’t you?"
"It’s too selfish. I couldn’t dothat to my kids."
"Good."
"Good?"
"If you had enough clarity tothink about someone other than yourself, then you are probably nottruly suicidal."
Nellie winced at the word. Shesaid quietly, "I told you I’m not. It seemed like a good idea. Itwas a moment of weakness."
"A good idea? A moment ofweakness? Really? You think that it is a workable solution? Do youknow what that would have done to your kids?" Ben’s voice wasrising and she could tell he was angry. It made herdefensive.
"Don’t yell at me. I’ve had acrappy enough day. I thank you for all your help, but I really,really can’t handle anything else right now." She had been lookingdown. She raised her gaze to once again meet his eyes. "Please,"she said with a pleading note to her voice.
"Oh, God, I’m sorry Nellie. Ijust, well, it makes me angry, such waste. I have some baggage thatmakes its appearance every so often. Sorry about that. I didn’tmean to take it out on you." And he reached out, and embraced her,hugging her tightly to him. The swiftness of his embrace took herby surprise. After a moment, she exhaled and put her arms aroundhis back and rested her head on his shoulder.
"Ben, I think I’m all sorts ofscrewed up right now. I am a complete and total mess."
Still holding her he said, "Don’tworry. Admitting you have a problem is the first step."
She pulled back a little to lookhim in the face. "I thought the first step was admitting that youare powerless over your addiction?"
He smiled. "I have no idea; itjust sounds good."
Nellie laughed, and pulled back,flopping back and resting her head against the couch. She put theheels of her hands over her eyes. "Oh God. What a day. What a week.What a month."
"Is it really thatbad?"
"I’m just a hot mess and I don’tknow what to do about it."
"What can I do?"
"You can pass me that hotchocolate," she said, gesturing to the end table behindhim.
"With its offensive marshmallowsand all?"
"Offensive marshmallows and all,"she smiled. She accepted the mug and took a sip. She sank back intothe couch and drew her knees up. "Thanks."
"No, seriously, what can I do tohelp?"
"You’ve done so much
