Her own mother never believed inher. Her husband doubted her every ability despite the fact thatshe ran circles around him. Her children thought she was ignorant.The town thought she was a tramp. Jack thought – well, Elizabethdidn't know what to make of it. No wonder Elizabeth didn't know whoshe was. Or who she had been. She only knew how she would nowalways be perceived. She knew that she wouldn't emerge from thisunscathed. She knew that this would burn her, scarring her skin andher soul forever.
Despite the constant swirling andchurning of thoughts, Elizabeth was unable to think of a solution.She had no idea how to handle the situation. She only knew that shewas totally unable to do this. In her typical fashion, Elizabethstuffed it all away and focused voraciously on not thinking aboutit. She cleaned maniacally during the day with a frenetic energyshe didn't know she possessed. Her house had never looked so good.She purged and threw out bag after bag of trash, trying to throwaway this darkness that hung over her. Of course, Peter noticedneither the cleanliness in the house nor that anything was wrongwith Elizabeth. She played game after game with Teddy and Sydney,until they drifted off, seeking alone time, trying to get away fromher forced and frenzied cheerfulness. She disabled her Facebookaccount without ever looking at it, too afraid of what it wouldsay. She scoured the internet, looking for new and elaboraterecipes to nourish her family. She tried very hard not to noticethat the phone never rang and that no one attempted to contacther.
And Elizabeth didn't reach outeither. The last thing she wanted to do was to see someone whowould glare at her with hate in their eyes. Elizabeth even trieddoing her grocery shopping online and having it delivered, ratherthan risk a confrontation in the market. But, after a few days ofbeing home, the kids began to get restless. They wanted to go anddo. They wanted to play with their friends. How was Elizabeth goingto tell them that they no longer had friends? They would ask why,and she would have to say that it was because of her. But wait, itwasn't because of her. This wasn't her fault. It was Jack'sfault.
Jack. It had all started with him.His betrayal. Elizabeth laughed bitterly at the irony. Jack was thefirst man to betray her. Granted, in the grand scheme, it was aminor betrayal, but to Elizabeth's innocent sixteen-year-old soul,it was just tremendously painful. If she didn't know better, shewould have thought that he had plotted this entire thing. That hehad orchestrated her somehow showing up on his doorstep, nearlyfrozen to death. But he didn't invite her up to Susan's, and hedidn't place that pothole. He wasn't the one who fucked up the tirechange. That had been Elizabeth. The poor decision making had beenall hers. She had to own at least that part. But why would he writethe book about her? Didn't he know what that would do to her? Toher reputation and marriage? To her family? To her soul?
She needed answers, and Jack wasthe only person who could provide them to her. She picked up herphone but realized she didn't have a phone number for him. Shecould look him up online and e-mail him, but this wasn't reallysomething that one could do in an e-mail. Frankly, she didn't thinkshe could do it over the phone either. She needed to see him, toconfront him. She needed to figure out how and when, and what tosay. But she would definitely need to see him, at least one lasttime.
Refocusing her energy on what shewould say to him, Elizabeth calmed slightly. Having at least aslight plan gave her courage. She packed Teddy and Sydney up andtook them to the town pool to go swimming. The kids were ecstatic.They were one of the few families from their circle that didn'thave their own swimming pool or a membership to a country club. Thetown pool was a safer bet that they wouldn't run into someone fromNancy's inner clique. Still, Elizabeth donned a floppy sun hat andlarge sunglasses that hid a good portion of her face. Trying tohide in plain sight.
As Elizabeth watched Teddy andSydney play in the pool, she sighed, remembering that she had sobeen looking forward to this summer. The kids were at an age wherethey could play and have fun, and Elizabeth could relax a little.She didn't need to be in the pool, hovering like a helicopteranymore. She could sit back and watch the kids, taking pleasure intheir fun. In such a moment of desolation and isolation, it was asmall pleasure, but it was the only light in her dark world. Shewas stretched out in a lounge chair, partially shaded by anumbrella. The heat rose off the concrete in waves. She was hot andsticky and getting uncomfortable. The water looked soinviting.
Not removing her hat or glasses,she took off her cover up and headed over to the pool stairs. Thekids came swimming over, greeting her as she walked slowly into thewater. The water was not that cool, but compared to the heat of theday, it was still somewhat refreshing. After a few moments ofwading around in the chest deep water, Elizabeth walked out of thepool and retreated to her chair in the corner, out of the way. Shetook a drink of water from Sydney's thermos and put her head back,arranging her hat to further conceal her face. The dip in the poolhad been enough to cool her down, and the heat of the day enhancedher fatigue. Her eyelids were heavy below her sunglasses, and shefelt herself drifting off.
Not sure if she had
