He would be driving the kids out to hisparents' house. As much as Elizabeth wanted to totally step backand let him try to plan and pack and maybe realize just how muchwork she did, she knew the only ones who would suffer if she letPeter take the reins would be Teddy and Sydney. She packed theirclothes, shoes, and accessories for the week. She put together bagsfor the car and bought them a few new movies to watch. She took theportable DVD players out of her van and put them in Peter's car.She had each one of them pack a small bag to keep them entertainedon the eight-hour drive and made sure their iPods were charged andhad some new music on them. On Pinterest, she had found the idea topurchase small divided plastic cases and fill them with bite-sizedsnacks of all different sorts. She knew that was the sort of thingthat would keep them occupied.
She did all of this because she loved herchildren. She did not want them to suffer, to be uncomfortable justbecause their father was a dick. She was still in a state ofdisbelief that he had left her over this. She could have seen himleaving if he believed that she was carrying on with Jack. But thatwas not it. Peter didn't seem to think that was the issue at all.He was perturbed that she turned to someone else, rather than him.That she never disclosed her unhappiness to him. She was equallyirritated that he had never noticed her misery, nor her subsequentemotional turn-around. Much like he never noticed her styletransformation.
She wondered what, if anything, he had told hisparents. Did he tell them he walked out on her? She doubted it.There was no way he could even explain what had happened withoutsounding like a prick. Elizabeth had had to tell Agnes and Thomasthat they were separated. She told them that Peter had left becausehe didn’t like who she was. It was true. He didn't like that shewas depressed. He didn't like that she cared that people weretalking about her and being cruel. He didn't like that she neededhim to validate her. They, of course, strongly encouraged her totry to make it up to Peter.
Despite the fact that she had been afraid offailing in her marriage previously, she was now more afraid ofhaving failed herself. Peter was a dick. He was not right for her.He never had been. His behavior throughout all of this proved it.He did not meet her needs, and she was done bending over backwardsand twisting herself inside out to please him. Although she wouldnever admit it to him, in a way, he was right. She needed to worryless about making him happy, and try making herself happy. She wasright back to where she had been almost two years ago. The thoughtof ending her marriage was not that devastating to her. Now, shehad the extra added benefit of already having her reputationruined, so she didn’t need to worry about the mothers talking. Theyalready were.
Of course, the fact that Elizabeth and Petersplit up over the book would only solidify people's beliefs thatElizabeth had cheated on Peter. He would be the wronged party, andshe would forever be the adulteress. No one would ever see her asthe victim in all of this. Despite that, Elizabeth felt like sheought to fight for her marriage, rather than just let it slip away.It was probably the controlling aspect of her personality. TheAgnes-stubbornness.
Peter did actually seem to notice that she hadmade the effort to pack up the kids. He even smiled and thankedher. "I think this break will be good for us. Can we talk when Iget back?"
Now? Now he wanted to talk?
Unable to totally let go, Elizabeth agreed. Shehugged the kids extra tight and gave them last-minute reminders tobehave, just as they would if she were present. She would miss themterribly, but having them gone would give her the chance to fallapart for just a little while before she pulled herself backtogether.
She knew she would get back together withPeter. She wasn't strong enough not to. She would beg him to takeher back, like a battered wife pledging allegiance to her abusivehusband. She hoped that their reconciliation would improve overallcommunication between them. He would want her to trust him more,but he needed to see that he had betrayed her trust by leaving inthe first place. They would need some serious counseling if theywere going to make it work. That would be a non-negotiable item ifshe took him back. When she took him back.
Shit. No wonder Jack had thought she could bewritten about in such a way. She had no spine. She was weak. Shedeserved to be taken advantage of, at least on paper if not inreality. No wonder Peter thought he could treat her in such amanner. That he could belittle her and demean her so. That he wasthe innocent bystander in the communication breakdown disaster thatwas their marriage. Thinking about both men at the same time,Elizabeth was struck by the similarities. Both desired to dominateher. Both felt that she had no ability to stand on her own, tothink for herself. They saw her as being able to accomplish onlywhat she was directed to do. They both betrayed her and then madeher the villain rather than the victim.
Elizabeth felt abused. True, no one ever laid ahand on her, but she had been beaten into submission her wholelife. First by her mother, who told her she had no talent and noprospects. That she would never succeed on her own. That she wouldneed someone to take care of her because she wouldn't be able
