Having found aparking spot along Princess Street, Becky hopped out of the car andwaited while Crispin secured a ticket for the dashboard.
“What are thinking of getting for Gracie?” Becky asked, walkingalongside the handsome Goth.
“I have no idea. That’s why you’re here,” Crispin confessed,approaching a jewellery store window.
Becky blinkedin wonder from the window display to Crispin. “But I don’t knowwhat Gracie likes.”
“Oh, come on now,” Crispin said with a frown. “You’re a girl,she’s a girl. What do girls want for Christmas? It can’t be thathard to figure out.”
“If it’s so easy, why did you insist on bringing mealong?”
“Because, if you haven’t noticed, I am not a girl,” he statedquite proudly.
“Sometimes, I wonder,” she teased.
“Oh, shut it, you,” he said with a smirk. “What about somejewellery? Too much? Too desperate?”
Becky couldonly shake her head and sigh. “Well, that depends,” she said,looking at all the shiny gold rings and bracelets.
“On what?” he asked.
“On how serious you are about her. I mean, she might take itthe wrong way if you bought her a ring, especially given heroutlook on monogamous relationships.”
“Right… I see what you mean,” he said with an exasperated sigh.“I suppose you would appreciate a ring, wouldn’t you?”
Becky noddedthoughtfully, tracing her fingers over the window. To her, a ringwould mean the world. It wouldn’t even have to be expensive likethe lovely ones on display. To her, a ring symbolized commitment,security, and eternal love. She sighed, thinking about Kelley,suddenly wondering what his views on long-term commitments were. Inso many ways, she still didn’t know him very well.
“Doesn’t that bother you, Crispin?” she asked, turning to him.It must, she realized, seeing the turmoil in his eyes.
“Fucking pisses me right off,” he muttered under hisbreath.
“I should say so,” Becky said, placing a reassuring hand on hisarm. “Maybe you should rethink this whole thing with Gracie. Youdeserve better. I mean I like her, she’s smart and funnybut…”
“But what?” he grumbled, tucking her hand into the crook of hiselbow and leading her away from the jewellery store.
“Well, you deserve better,” Becky said thoughtfully.
“Sadly, the universe doesn’t seem to think so.”
“Aw… don’t say that. Why would you think that?”
“Becky, I have no illusions about my lot in life,” Crispinsaid, pausing in front of an antique shop with boxes of knickknacks out front. “I came into this world alone, and I will diealone.”
“Stop it. You’ll find someone. There are plenty of girls whowould love to have a guy like you to call their own,” Beckystressed, watching him as he purposely avoided eye contact withher.
“Yeah, for a thrill every now and then maybe… just not for muchelse.”
“Crispin…”
“Fuck it, Becky, don’t bother yourself,” he said, shaking heroff and stalking away. “You wouldn’t understand. You shouldn’tunderstand. In fact, you shouldn’t even bother hanging out with thelikes of me.”
“Wow, you are a Goth in the truest sense.” Ignoring hisattempts to distance himself from her, she insistently curled herhand around his elbow and walked with him in silence. She was verymuch aware of Crispin’s low self-esteem, given his not so happychildhood. How could someone so beautiful on the outside feel sougly on the inside? She was sad for him. Envisioning him as thissweet little boy, being bounced around from foster home to fosterhome, brought tears to her eyes.
“Don’t you cry for me,” he said, leading her away from theshops, heading for the waterfront instead.
“I’m not…”
“Yes, you are!” he bit out angrily. Shaking free of her, hegrasped onto the metal rail by the water’s edge and stared out ontothe frosty lake. “I do not want your pity.”
“Aw, Crispin…” Becky wrapped her arms around his waist, onceagain ignoring his attempts to shake her off. His shoulders werebeyond tense, his beautiful face, hardened in anger, his fistsclenched around the cold metal rails.
“Becky, you are walking a thin line,” he warned, teethclenched. “Remove yourself from my person!”
“Not until you hear me out,” she said, petting his long wavymane. Not even for a moment did she fear the menace in his voice.She felt him literally tremble with pent up rage, but that justmade her hold on tighter to him.
“Damn it, say what you have to say and get off me,dormouse!”
There, he’dsaid it, called her dormouse. Becky smiled triumphantly to herself.He would never intentionally say or do anything to hurt her. He wasjust being defensive, attempting to push her away so that shecouldn’t hurt him like so many others had before.
“Dear Crispin, I treasure you…” she whispered, her voicefilling with emotion. When he didn’t budge, she continued. “Youwere there for me when my granny passed away. You comforted me withyour hugs, your presence. You stayed by my side the whole time… andI’ll never forget that. Even when the others weren’t there, younever left me. You have no idea what that means to me.”
“Becky…”
“Crispin, you’re my friend, forever, my sweet prickly Goth andI love you. I will always love you.”
With a smallshudder followed by deep inhale of fresh air, Crispin slowly turnedaround and tucked her into his chest, wrapping his arms around hersmall body. They stayed that way for a very long time, just holdingeach other.
“You’re cold, Becky,” he whispered, holding her tighter.“Hungry too.” He chuckled at the unmistakable grumble from herbelly. “How’s about some lunch? A little cheese perhaps, for my weedormouse?”
“Sounds like a plan.” She giggled from somewhere underneath hisall-encompassing embrace.
Chapter 40
Later thatnight, Becky was tired from running around with Crispin all day.Poor guy, in the end, he’d settled on a little pewter bracelet as agift for Gracie. The silly ungrateful girl that she was. The moreshe thought about the situation, the angrier Becky got. Crispindeserved better. As tough and unaffected as he would like to beperceived, Becky saw right through his facade.
Well, Kelleyhadn’t yet returned from wherever he felt he had to go without her.Disappointed, Becky got ready for bed and slipped in under herblanket.
It was
