“Gwen?”
“Oh, Crispin, I’m fine,” she said when he crouched down andinspected her ankle. “It’s you, I’m worried about.” She placed ahand on his shoulder. A second later, he stood up, shook his headand walked away from her. He didn’t go far, only a few feet tostand by the river, but it was far enough for her. Leaning againstthe concrete barrier, he stared aimlessly over its edge.
When shecaught up to him, he refused to look at her, preferring to gaze atthe passing riverboats. Standing beside him, shivering in theebbing daylight, she missed his arms around her but thought betterof imposing herself on him at this time.
She couldn’thelp but wonder what he thought about. The realization that she hadindeed fallen in love with him, left her feeling completelyvulnerable and scared in the worst way. She feared he was preparingto call and end to their budding relationship. Perhaps he wastrying to find a way to tell her without hurting her feelings.
“Gwen, sweetheart,” Crispin spoke, peeking over at her. “Stopthinking so hard.” The girl was an open book and a mystery all atonce. Poor thing, none of this was her fault, yet he could tell shewas blaming herself for all that was wrong in the world.
“Where were you going in such a hurry?” she asked.
“Away from you,” he said. “Towards you. Away from myself. Ihave no idea.”
“I don’t understand.” She shivered again, this time he couldn’thave missed it.
“Come here, you.” Tugging her into his embrace so she stood infront of him facing the river, he once again wrapped his armsaround her. Hugging her tight, he nuzzled his nose into her ear,breathed her in and whispered, “You’re going to rip my heart out inthe end.”
What? Had she heard him right? “No, Iwon’t. I would never…”
“Yes, you will.” Torn between talking and kissing her, he chosethe latter and covered her neck and shoulders with kisses beforecontinuing. “But that’s not your fault. None of it is.”
How typical ofCrispin to cause her to press her knees together with want, andhave her anticipating the worst at the same time. The man was awalking orgasm wrapped in heartache, a bittersweet killercombination. “I don’t understand.” Gwen braced herself for whateverhe might say. She thought she would have to pry the information outof him but she sensed he was about to tell her everything shewanted to know, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Resting hischin on her shoulder, he spoke. “Do you believe in soulmates?”
Well, thatcaught her off guard. Of all the things for him to say, that’s thelast thing she expected to hear. “I hadn’t given it much thought,really, until recently.”
“Me neither until it happened to a close friend ofmine.”
Swallowing theblow of disappointment, she slowly nodded. It took a few calmingbreaths to get over the idea he hadn’t meant him and her. She wouldhave to get a hold of her emotions in order to deal with whateverhe told her. But it was harder to do, after so recently coming tothe realization that she was, in fact, in love with him.
“Who?” she eventually asked.
“Kell.”
“With Becky, you mean?”
“Yeah, you see, like me in a lot of ways, Kell is the mostcynical bastard I have ever met. I think that’s why we get along sowell. But then Becky came along and just like that, I watched thewhole thing unfold like a miracle in front of my eyes. I was luckyenough to be a small part of it but that only made me realize howmuch I wanted the same for myself.”
“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” It was all she could doto focus on the passing riverboats, to keep from falling apartright then and there.
“No, I already told you that,” he whispered, placing a smallkiss on her cheek. “I am in love with what they have together andit kills me not to have that kind of love. To never have it. Toknow it exists for others yet not for me.”
“Crispin…”
“No, listen, while I have the balls to say out loud what I’veheld in so long. Don’t ask me why I’m telling you this. I thinkit’s only because I feel like I might lose my mind if I don’t getit out. And oddly enough, much like you feel safe with me, I feelsafe with you.”
“Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” she asked.
“I want to say yes, but…” he hesitated.
“But what?”
“Well, for one thing, I don’t think I could survive it,” hesaid.
“Survive what, though?” she asked.
“You said I should try some psychology on myself and you made agood point,” he explained. “You have your anxiety issues. Me? Well…I haven’t the slightest clue what to call what I have going on.Wait, that’s not right. I know exactly how to describeme.”
“I’d describe you as magical, but that’s only because, as youpointed out, I’m enamoured with your persona,” she said with agiggle, hoping to lighten the mood for them both.
“Don’t laugh,” he said with a melancholy smile. “We’re having amoment here.”
“I’m sorry, go on, Crispin. How would you describeyourself?”
Seconds passedbefore he responded. He wasn’t sure he could. But after a deepbreath, he finally did while hiding his face in the comforting warmspot by her ear.
“Unlovable.”
“What? Did you say…” Unable to resist, she turned in his armsto face him. Surprisingly enough, he allowed it and held hergaze.
“Unloveable. You heard me correctly.”
“Oh, Crispin, you’re so wrong.”
“Am I?” he asked. “My own mother didn’t love me. She gave meaway. If that’s not evidence enough, explain to me why no one hasever loved me or wanted me around for long.”
“Crispin, I don’t know what happened but you can’t
