“Oh, come on. I don’t believe that for a minute,” Crispinargued. “These are modern times. Even twenty-two years ago, shewould have had a choice. We don’t live in the Victorian Era. Mylife isn’t a chapter in one of your books. If she wanted to keepme, she would have found a way!”
“Still, there are other factors to consider,” she stressed.“Have you ever tried to find your family?”
“Family?” He balked. “Oh, please, spare me. All I know is Ihave a giant hole in my heart which can never be filled. No matterhow much I want it, love doesn’t want me.”
Speechless andway out of her league in the face of such anguish, Gwen could onlyrest her head against his chest while she digested all thisinformation. What could she possibly say? If she told him she lovedhim, right then and there, he might think she were only saying itto make him feel better. For whatever reason, she felt such adeclaration seemed trivial and untimely in the wake of hisdespair.
“See? I’m no literary hero,” he said as he laughedsarcastically, shaking his head. “I’ve nothing to offer you but amessed up shell of a person without a past worth knowing. You’llfigure it out if you haven’t already. Better to wipe the fantasyout of your mind before you get too attached to the idea thatanything will come of this agreement of ours.”
“Agreement?” Gwen repeated. His turn in tone and choice ofwords stung. Had she mistakenly come to believe he felt anythingbeyond lust for her? The realization hurt and what he said nextconfirmed her fears.
“Yeah, you know, sex in exchange for my company,” he said, hisvoice cold and icy. “Which is kind of a joke, really. If you askme, you’re actually not getting much of a deal at all. Don’t get mewrong, the sex is great. If anything, I’m the winner here. But I’mnot good company at all. Sorry about that. I would have spared youthe disappointment had you not forced yourself into mylife.”
“Okay, so now you’re being hurtful on purpose,” Gwen said,tearing herself away from him. “That, I can’t handle.”
Damn… Crispin kicked himself,watching her storm off. He should just let her go. She would bebetter off. Yet the thought of not having her near tore at himworse than anything he had experienced before. With a shake of hishead, he ran after her and took her hand. He may be a glutton forpunishment but it was never his intention to hurt her.
Gwen onlyallowed him to hold her hand because she honestly didn’t think shewould survive the rest of this trip on her own. She would have ananxiety attack sooner or later, and without him, she would be lost.Ultimately, she was stuck with him, misery and all. Sure, her heartwent out to him. She felt awful for what he had been through, butthat was no excuse to let him talk to her like that.
“Forgive me,” he said after a moment of walking silently besideher. When she ignored him, he stepped in front of her, refusing tomove until she looked at him. “Hey, I didn’t mean to hurt yourfeelings.”
“Well, you did,” she said. “I hope you’re happy now. And I’msorry I imposed myself on you. Had I known you’d hold it against methe entire trip, I wouldn’t have come.”
“Well, I’m sorry I even brought it up,” he said. “But in a way,it’s true and we both know it.”
“Know what exactly?” she asked with a frown.
“That the sex is great?” He winked at her. “In fact, I’d evengo as far as to say… spectacular? While I suck at my end of thedeal, you, young lady, have outdone yourself.”
“Are you trying to piss me off?” she asked.
“No, actually, I’m scrambling here,” he said with a apologeticsmile.
“Well, scramble harder!” she shouted.
“Gwen, I’m not being hurtful on purpose. I’m just… Oh, I’mawful at this relationship stuff.”
Something inhis voice and the way he looked at her, melted her through. “No,you’re not at all bad at it,” she argued. “You’re actually quitegood at it, or at least, pretending you are. But then again, maybeit is just about the sex for you.” She paused, overwhelmed. “Butfor me, well, you know it’s more than that.”
“Do I?” he challenged. When she looked about ready to slap him,he drew her into his arms. “Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry I said allthat.” Unable to resist, he tugged her hair back, angled her faceup and gave her a reassuring kiss. He had known it ever since themoment on the plane and again when she called what they didtogether, making love. If he weren’t a selfish bastard, he wouldhave put a stop to this, whatever this was, right then and there.But try as he might to deny his spiralling feelings for her, hecouldn’t. “I’ve known for a while.”
Chapter 26
In a desperateattempt to make things right with Gwen, Crispin flagged down a taxiand had the driver drop them off at a pub near the Lemon Tree Inn.He could tell she was done with walking if not with him. If he hadhis way, he would have taken her directly to their room toapologize the best way he knew how, with his tongue. As it was,though, he didn’t think she would be up for it… yet. In themeantime, food and wine would have to do.
Gwen was awareof the fact that she had rattled Crispin. In a way, it comfortedher to know he cared what she thought, even if just a little. Sheknew how she felt about him, but he hadn’t yet conveyed the depthof his feelings for her. Even though, she had initially signed onfor this so-called agreement, his untimely reminder that theirrelationship was just a convenient, mutually beneficialarrangement, a friends with benefits, sex for companionship deal,the whole thing had lost its appeal. In the taxi, sitting besidehim, Gwen berated herself for believing she could keep her heartout of the bargain. And now, since she had indeed fallen in lovewith him, all she could think about was how
