“Well, I don’t have debts, thank goodness, but when I quit, Ilet my parents down. See, they had paid all my expenses and mytuition. Then I just up and dropped out. They lost all the money.What a waste. I feel awful about it. I couldn’t ask them for anymore financial help.”
Once again, hetoyed with the bracelet. “I suppose working at the shop doesn’t payvery much.”
“Not really. But I’m grateful for the job. My uncle has beenvery generous and patient with me. He charges very little rent forthe apartment upstairs, too. He knows the way I am and he looks outfor me.”
“The way you are is perfect.” He gave her hand asqueeze.
“See, this is why I fell in love with you,” she squeaked,kissing him on the cheek.
“I’m quite the charmer when I want to be.” He turned andsnagged her bottom lip between his teeth. He then kissed her, hishand on her cheek. “All silliness aside, Gwen, you are perfect asyou are.”
“Thanks, Crispin,” she said, overwhelmed. He snuck in anotherkiss and quite possibly blushed.
“God, look at us.” He shook himself off and took a sip of wine.“Let’s talk about something else or I’ll turn to mush.”
“Okay.” She giggled and sat up straight. “Tell me about yourband, your songs. Is that what you want to do with your life? Or isit art, or is it psychology? I’m sorry if I ask too manyquestions.”
“All good questions.” He paused when the server appeared andplaced their fish and chips in front of them. “Art Therapy is mygoal, the band just came about when I met Kell. But now, I loveboth and want both equally. Trouble is, I don’t quite know whatI’ll do with it all just yet.”
“Art Therapy?” she repeated, impressed. “How interesting! Doyou paint as well?”
“You make it all sound so grand. It’s merely a talent Idiscovered when I was being dragged around to different fosterhomes. I picked up a pencil one day, and instead of stabbingsomeone in the eye with it, I started drawing.”
“Whoa…”
“Oh, yes, I could have easily gone over to the dark side. Trustme, it wasn’t pretty growing up the way I did. My art got methrough it. Maybe I can help someone else use art to cope withwhatever they are having to deal with.” Crispin could see her mindracing with questions. He wasn’t looking forward to this particularconversation but he also knew he couldn’t avoid it forever. If shewere truly in love with him, she had the right to know everythingabout him. Then she could decide for herself if he was worthloving. It pained him greatly to imagine losing her now that he hadstarted to believe their relationship had a future. But in order tohave that future, he needed her to hear about his not so pleasantpast.
“Go on, ask me,” he encouraged. “I’ll tell you everything, butprepare yourself, I won’t edit the tales of bullying and neglect Iendured. Well, the bullying I put a stop to real soon. All it tookwas being pushed too far. But the neglect, well, that was anentirely different level of cruelty beyond my control.”
“Oh, what do you mean?” she asked cautiously, steeling herselffor whatever he might say.
“Well, for years I was an easy target, being on the small side.Then one day, you happened.”
“Me? I don’t understand.”
“That day, when I stepped in between you and them, thingschanged. After that, I was no longer a target.”
Her eyeswidened with trepidation but she couldn’t help the questions fromtumbling forward. “Oh… so, you all lived in that foster hometogether?”
“Yes, but that was more of a halfway house for troubled boys.It’s where they put us while we were between fosterfamilies.”
“Troubled boys…” she repeated, digesting the information, herheart breaking, realizing he had been eight-years-old at the timeand already in a home for troubled boys. “What happened next, whenI ran into my house to call my mom?”
“They dragged me inside, started the usual pushing and shoving,but then somehow I snapped. I grabbed the closest one to me andjust lost it. I nearly killed him. The others were so shocked, theynever came near me again. But of course, by the time the handlershowed up, he didn’t see anything but me with my hands around thekid’s neck. After that, I had another black mark on my record. Butwhat the fuck? I hadn’t been adopted yet. I supposed it just wasn’tmeant to be.”
“I’m sorry, Crispin, for any part of it I had. I never got tothank you. I looked for you but never saw you again after thatday.”
“None of it was your fault. It was just a matter of time beforesomething like that happened. In the end, it was for the best sinceI was deemed dangerous and kept apart from the other kids. Theymoved me into another house that same afternoon. My reputationtravelled with me and let’s just say, no one even looked at mesideways after that.”
Gwen shook herhead unable to fully understand. “I can’t help wondering why youdidn’t get adopted when you were an infant. It doesn’t make sense.I always thought there was a huge demand for babies or eventoddlers.”
“Healthy ones, yes, but as my luck would have it, I was bornpremature, therefore had more than my share of issues. See, thatput me at a huge disadvantage.”
“Oh, were you sick?” Gwen held a hand over her chest, yet againoverwhelmed with sympathy.
“I had something wrong with my heart. Apparently, it was acommon issue with preemies, and they fixed whatever it was, butthat was enough to scare people off. You see, people don’t want todeal with illness if they can avoid it.”
Gwen couldn’tfight the tears back if she tried. All she could see in her mindwas this tiny helpless baby boy with no one to love him. It was nowonder he was the way he was. On the other hand, he very well couldhave turned out a lot worse. In fact, she wouldn’t want him anyother way. In her eyes, he was perfect. But how in the
