I glanced at my feet for a few seconds. My stomach felt like somebody had tied my insides into knots. I was going through all this aggravation because I hadn’t been able to keep my pants zipped up. If I didn’t watch my step, my stupidity and bad judgment would be my downfall. “I do declare, that’s a pretty nasty job.”
“Sure enough,” Aunt Mattie grunted, sounding just like a hog. “But somebody got to do it. It’s the best I can offer, and you ought to be glad I’m still nice enough to even let you do that. Rufus will be doing it until I can find somebody else or until Emmet recovers from his stroke.” She tilted her head and gave me a thoughtful look. “When you want to start? I can only hold the job open for another day or two. You want it or not?”
“I’ll let you know by tomorrow.” I started backing off the porch and as soon as my feet hit the ground, I took off running. I didn’t stop until I had made it back to my car where I had parked across the street in the next block. I got in and sat in the dark trying to picture myself emptying shit, piss, spit, snot, cum, and no telling what else. By now my stomach felt like something was crawling around in it. I didn’t care what I had to do or say, I was going to keep my job at MacPherson’s.
And I was going to marry Joyce. Just like I had planned.
Chapter 13
Joyce
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. I HAD NO IDEA what Mama and Daddy wanted me to do if they didn’t want me to marry Odell. I was too old to ship off to relatives so they could help hide my shame. Even if I had been a young girl, I wouldn’t have agreed to that anyway. I didn’t see anything shameful about an unmarried woman having a baby. I had been raised to believe that God didn’t make no mistakes, and if he’d allowed me to get pregnant, I had to look at it as a blessing.
I was concerned about how upset Mama and Daddy were, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I knew them well enough to believe that they would eventually come around. They’d dote on a grandchild the same way they had done with me. Another thing I knew was that they’d help me raise my child, but for how long? They were two of the oldest people in town, so they were not going to be around too much longer. I predicted that both of them would become disabled within the next few years, and have to be cared for like babies. That responsibility would be on my shoulders. It was one of the disadvantages of being an only child. I didn’t let my mind dwell on these disturbing thoughts too long. What was important now was my condition and my relationship with Odell. I prayed that my folks wouldn’t make me choose between them and the man I loved. That was a decision I would never be able to make and be happy.
Mama and Daddy hadn’t said one word during the ride to our house. As soon as we got inside, I went straight to my room and closed the door. But I could hear them in the living room mumbling nonstop. They were speaking in tones so low, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. And I was glad I couldn’t. I had a feeling they were saying a lot of things I didn’t want to hear.
I had been lying across my bed crying off and on for at least an hour when Mama opened my door and stumbled into my room. I sat up and swung my legs to the side. I was already in my nightgown and I had no desire to eat supper, so the only time I planned to leave my room this evening was when I had to use the toilet. This was going to be a long night for me. I would be lucky if I got any sleep at all. I didn’t want to think about what I’d have to face in the next day or so.
“Odell don’t make enough money to take care of you,” Mama said, sitting on the side of my bed, which was cluttered with some of the Gothic novels I hadn’t read yet. If things didn’t work out the way I hoped, I’d be right back to where I was before I met Odell. Then I’d have to order a bunch of new books so I’d have something to keep me occupied until I met another man. By then I’d probably be so old, I might not even want to get involved with another man. But at least I’d have my baby.
“I make enough money for us both,” I pointed out. “And why are y’all making such a fuss? I wouldn’t have even come to the store to meet him when I did if y’all hadn’t raved about him so much.”
“Yeah, we did do that. But we just wanted you to have somebody to go out with now and then. We didn’t figure on you getting yourself pregnant and now wanting to marry a stock boy,” Mama sneered.
“In case y’all forgot, before Odell came along, I hadn’t been out with a man since last year. I was getting tired of sitting around the house twiddling my thumbs and reading about other women’s romances. I thought y’all would be happy that
