She shook her head. Her eyes filled with tears again. “I’ve been avoiding facing the real deep-seated reason marriage scares me.”
“What is the real reason?” he asked. “I’m sure there’s nothing we can’t fix if we work together.”
“I wish it was that simple, Aidan. But I don’t think so. Actually, I didn’t realize it until now, but I think the reason I’m so terrified of marriage is that I’m afraid deep down that I will turn out to be just like my father.”
“Kate, I don’t know your dad, but I know you and you seem nothing like what you’ve told me of him.”
Granted, she didn’t talk about him much, but from what she’d said, Aidan could tell he was a louse.
“I don’t deserve you, Aidan.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, and he reached up and tried to swipe them away.
“I don’t know why you would think that,” he said. “Because it is not true. We are so good together.”
“Maybe I should say that you deserve better than what I have to offer you and Chloe.”
She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as she brushed an imaginary piece of lint off her black pant leg. Finally she cleared her throat.
“You know that my father left my mother, sisters and me, right?”
“Yes. I remember you mentioning it. And later, your father tried to take the inn away from your mother. Or at least he tried to sue her for what he believed was the half he was entitled to—”
“He wasn’t entitled to anything,” Kate snapped.
Aidan reached out and took her hand. “I know that.”
He wanted to ask what that had to do with them or her turning out to be like her father, but by the grace of God, his better judgment kept him silent until she was ready to speak.
“When my father left us, it really did a number on me. You know how some girls are born daddy’s girls? I think that was me, but not in the traditional sense of daddy being the first guy I fall in love with and no guy ever measuring up to him. I’m afraid that I inherited his mutant gene—that selfish defect in his personality—that makes it impossible for me to commit to one person or stay in a situation for a prolonged period. I mean, I will commit to raising the baby. There’s no question about that. Between the two of us and the help we’ll get from my family, the baby will never want for anything. But I’m afraid that if I move in with you and Chloe, I’ll end up leaving and hurting the two of you in the end. In fact, I can almost guarantee you that’s what will happen.”
“Almost.” Aidan took care to keep his voice gentle, even though he really wanted to scream. Not at her, but at the situation.
“What?” she asked.
“You said you could almost guarantee that you would leave. That means the door isn’t completely closed. As long as there’s even a small margin of hope for us, I’m not giving up on you, Kate.”
She gave her head a quick shake.
“When my dad left and then, years later, tried to take the inn away from my mom and my sisters and me—I mean, he knew it was our birthright—it crushed me. He expected Gigi and my mom to sell this place that had been the only home my sisters and I had ever known. That was bad enough. But the worst part was after he lost the lawsuit, he just disappeared. My sisters and I haven’t heard from him since.
“Not only didn’t he want to be married to our mother, but he completely washed his hands of his daughters. But there’s more.
“In a really sick way, I can understand how making a clean break would be easier. It’s not that I excuse him for doing it, but it’s like I can step back and see how he could do it. The fact that I can relate to him on that level crushes me almost as much as him abandoning us. I’m afraid that I will pull the same thing and hurt you and Chloe the way he hurt me.”
“He’s already taken enough from you, Kate. Don’t let him screw with your head and make you afraid that you’ll do the same thing to someone you love. You’re better than that.”
“I wish I could be that resolute, Aidan. But I can’t.”
She gave her head another quick shake. Then she leaned forward and retreated into the position she’d been in before, resting her arms on her knees, then putting her forehead on her arms—a move that allowed her to escape into herself and not look Aidan in the eyes.
“Why not? What are you afraid of?” he asked.
“My father’s leaving us affected my sisters. It made them wary of being hurt the same way my mother was. But not me. It made me afraid of turning out just like him.”
“That’s why you’re still not sure, then? That’s why you can’t decide whether or not you’re staying?” Aidan raked his hand through his hair and tried to tell himself to quell the irritation crawling up the back of his throat. If he ever needed to dig deep and find his patience, this was the time. “I’m sorry it happened to you, but having been there, wouldn’t it be even more important to you to make sure you never let that kind of pain happen to your own child? I just don’t see how your way of thinking makes sense.”
“I care so much about Chloe and you. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt the two of you. But I have a lot of issues that I need to sort out. I hope I can do that before...before the baby...before I hurt you and Chloe.”
“Then don’t hurt us. Don’t leave us. Just stay and love
