Bella, even though she didn’t ask questions, seemed to be the most emotional out of the three. “I’m sorry, Bianca. I can’t imagine what it feels like to feel alone, like you have no help and can’t take care of your baby,” Bella had told her. “I wasn’t there when you needed me, but if you want to get your baby back, I promise, even if it means I don’t ever get to sleep again, I’ll help you. I just don’t want you to live with the regret that I—”
Even though Bella stopped talking, Bianca knew what she was going to say. She was going to remind Bianca of the regret she would have to live with as a result of her leaving her baby. A couple months prior to Bianca giving birth, Bella had turned up pregnant. After witnessing how Grandmother Williams and their mother had reacted to Bianca’s pregnancy, there was no way Bella was going to put herself in the line of fire. She got an abortion without their mother ever knowing.
“He’s better off,” was all Bianca had said to her sister before packing up all of the baby’s things and setting them out on the curb. The same way they never talked about Bella’s abortion again, they never talked about Bianca’s baby. When anyone asked, they were told the baby had been given up for adoption.
Within the last twenty-four hours, all had learned that that hadn’t been the case. For years, no one even talked about it, nor had she let anyone know of Peanut’s actions. Now she planned on moving far away, where she wouldn’t be found out in her new spot. One slip up and she’d be back in Virginia, being charged for the murder of her very own infant son. That was not going to happen. She was sure she’d long for conversations with her sister, but memories alone would have to suffice.
Getting over Caesar would prove to be more difficult, as even now, tears escaped her eyes, knowing that the person she truly felt was her soul mate would no longer be a part of her existence. Every now and then she had to catch her breath. It was hard to breathe without him, indeed, but she had to choose herself. She knew she had to look out for her. At the end of the day, if nobody had her, she had her.
I got me! I have to have me! It’s got to be a given! A must! I got to have me! she kept telling herself.
All Bianca could picture was him lying in that bed. The sex. The Ecstasy. The wine. The fire from the candles. It created an emotional tornado in her mind. “Caesar.” The word fell off of her lips with such regret, but something gave her reason for pause. Caesar wanted her to turn herself in. What happened to his “I got you” declaration? No, he didn’t mind if she did five years, locked up in a cage like an animal. Maybe he didn’t love her after all, she thought. Maybe he didn’t put her first. Suddenly, a small voice said to her, You’ve got to have your own back. You are your own best friend.
It was like a well opened up inside of her, a deep shaft of light. I got me! I have to have me! It’s got to be a given! A must! I got to have me! she reminded herself again.
She closed her eyes, praying sleep would come and take over. Hopefully, when she woke, she would be at her final destination, ready to start a brand new life.
CHAPTER 12
When Bianca stepped off the bus, the Miami heat nearly melted the poor child. No breeze, just humidity and heat. She felt like she was blundering through an oven. The palm trees looked wavy, as if she were seeing them in a mirage.
“Got-damn, it’s hot as hell,” a girl, wearing some short shorts that barely covered the cheeks of her behind, swore. She sported a baseball hat and aviator shades, holding a Louis carrier and a Victoria’s Secret Pink sequined bag. Bianca noticed that she had a different Southern accent than the one she was used to in Virginia.
“Hell, yeah!” Bianca agreed, about to buy a water from a guy peddling refreshments.
“Your first time in Miami, huh?”
“Yeah,” she said, “and this right here is a different kind of heat.”
The scantily-clad girl chuckled. “You got that right.” She turned to the guy slanging the water. “Two, please.” She took the waters from the guy in exchange for two dollars and handed one of the no-name-brand waters to Bianca. “Welcome to Miami.”
Bianca smiled. “Thank you.”
“I’m Yogi, by the way, and you are going to need a good friend here.”
“I’m Bianca, and I bet.”
“No, for real. It’s a real beast here . . . a whole different animal. Trust me.”
“I believe it.” Bianca agreed, still in awe of the palm trees and the weather.
“You dance?”
Bianca was confused. “Huh?”
“Dance. You know, strip?” Before Bianca could answer, Yogi straightened it out real fast. “Hold on to your drawers before you get offended. Understand now, and you will soon see for yourself that pretty much everyyyyyybody here dances and is bi. It’s nothing for chicks to strip. And you know I’m not lying, because it’s a strip club on every corner.”
“Oh, okay,” Bianca said, taking it all in, while taking off her shirt and thanking God that she had her camisole under her top. Right away, she wondered if Yogi was checking her out, since she had said everybody was bi. She quickly returned
