By the time Randy stopped giving Tyler the evil eye, Erica had given him her number. Tyler had also promised to take her down the Schoodic extension on Saturday, but he could always cancel later. Weekends were devoted to keeping Jaime in bed until past noon. A glance at his watch revealed that nearly twenty minutes had gone by since Jaime had left. Tyler prayed Jaime was waiting for him. He’d take Jaime pissed over not at all.
When Tyler got to the parking lot, he let out a sigh of relief seeing the profile of a figure by his car. The closer he got, the more details he could make out. The excited beat of his heart was replaced with dread. Everything from Jaime’s tense shoulders to his gaze focused on nothing said we need to talk.
“I’m so sorry.” Tyler cut Jaime off before he could say anything. “It took me a lot longer than I thought it would to get away from the table.”
“I’m sure Erica wouldn’t let you leave without getting your number.” Jaime kept his eyes focused on the ground beside Tyler’s feet.
“Actually, she gave me hers.” It was meant to be a joke, but Tyler regretted it as soon as he’d said it. Jaime pinned him with a dead serious expression. “I wasn’t looking to pick her up.”
“But it was a fix-up, right?”
Tyler sighed. He’d rather spar than argue. Finding the right words was never his strong suit. He seemed to always get himself into deeper trouble, no matter what he said.
“Randy thinks I’ve been out of commission for too long.” Tyler’s explanation had no effect on Jaime’s hostile disposition. “It wasn’t my idea. I didn’t know anything about it until Randy told me Sarah had invited her. I was just being friendly. What did you expect me to do? I told Randy I wasn’t interested in getting back into the dating scene.”
* * * *
Jaime crossed his arms over his chest.
“But you didn’t tell him why, did you?”
Seeing Erica flirt with Tyler was painful enough. Having Tyler bolt from Jaime’s side the second someone was watching them was as painful as any submission hold. Jaime felt his heart ripped from his chest and his lungs crushed all in one blow. Tyler couldn’t get away from him fast enough. The moment Erica returned, she became his focus. Jaime knew the rules when it came to his relationship—such as it was—with Tyler. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel rejected.
Tyler took a step toward Jaime as if a touch or kiss in the parking lot was the same as showing Jaime real affection in public. Jaime raised his hand to stop Tyler.
“You didn’t tell him you were involved with someone.” Jaime’s voice got tighter as he spoke. One-night stands never hurt like this. “You didn’t tell him who you were involved with.”
“Jaime, please.” Tyler took another step toward him but Jaime’s outstretched arm remained rigid. He wasn’t about to let Tyler talk him back into bed. “You know how I feel about you.”
“I know.” Jaime lowered his hand and his shoulders slumped. Somehow being Tyler’s secret lover wasn’t enough. Jaime wanted to go out on real dates and let others see how happy Tyler made him. But that wasn’t a part of their arrangement. “I’m your little gay fuck buddy. It’s all cool to kiss me and suck my cock when no one else is looking.”
“I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Tyler looked surprised. Now it was his turn to take a step back.
“I know,” Jaime whispered and shook his head. No matter how good it felt being with Tyler, Jaime needed someone he didn’t have to hide his feelings for. “And I’m the stupid fag who thought we had something more. This is why I don’t get involved. I thought I could keep from developing feelings for you. I thought it could just be about sex.”
“What do you want from me?” Tyler said.
“Something you aren’t ready to give me. Something you probably won’t ever be able to give.” Jaime threw up his hands and started to pace. “I want to hold hands in public. I want to kiss you just because I want to without worrying who might be watching. I want someone I can go out with and go home with. I want to be your boyfriend, not just someone to get your rocks off with. Don’t I deserve that?”
When Jaime looked at Tyler, he knew this was his last chance to hold on to the guy. All Tyler had to do was tell him he deserved all those things and more. If Tyler would only say he was open to being out about their relationship, Jaime might have been able to give him a second chance. Instead, Tyler stood there with a pained expression on his face.
Tyler didn’t say anything. Jaime nodded at his silent accession and started to walk away.
“You aren’t going to quit karate, right?” Tyler said to Jaime’s back. “You promised this wouldn’t affect your training.”
Jaime didn’t even turn around to face him. “I’ll be in class. But you’ll have to find another sparring partner.”
Chapter 15
It was going to take time to get over Jaime. Tyler knew as soon as he got into his car alone and realized he would also be going to bed alone. He must have sat in his car for an hour, replaying everything Jaime had said and every detail of his face as he turned away. He wasn’t ready to lose Jaime, but Tyler had made his choice by remaining silent.
The next morning when Tyler woke, he knew what he would find when he opened his eyes. Instead of facing that reality, his thoughts drifted back to the last time the two of them had been in Tyler’s bed. The sheets still smelled of Jaime’s cologne. Tyler knew Jaime had left a shirt or
