The day came and went in a fog of memories and emotions he knew would fade with time. They always did after a breakup. But this time Tyler wanted to know exactly how long it would take him to stop seeing Jaime walk away from him. Sometimes he would imagine himself reaching out. Every time he did, Jaime was already gone. The hardest part was accepting Jaime was actually no longer his. Breaking up was always shitty, but this was like having his heart ripped out and replaced—only to be ripped out again. The worst part was Tyler knew it was his fault.
Another day and the pain was no less. It was Wednesday and the thought of seeing Jaime in class was almost as bad as fearing he wouldn’t show.
“I’m sorry, Sensei Melissa, I’m not feeling well tonight.” Tyler hadn’t expected her to take the call so close to class time. He wasn’t sure what she would hear in his voice so he kept it simple. It wasn’t a lie, but he wasn’t about to go into detail.
“I understand, Tyler,” Sensei Melissa said. “You haven’t missed a single class in three years. I think you are allowed a sick night once in a while.”
“Thank you for understanding, Sensei.” Tyler was relieved she wasn’t going to press him for an explanation.
“Take care of yourself, Tyler. And if you need anything let me know.”
“I just need a little rest.” The guilt at missing class was already starting to make him reconsider.
“I’ll let Jaime know you won’t be around to spar with after class.”
“He’s in class?” Tyler’s heart rode the rollercoaster of his emotions from guilt to relief to regret.
“Yes,” Sensei Melissa said. “It’s going to take him a little extra training to catch up to his level katas. It will be a good teaching opportunity for Sarah.”
“Hai, Sensei.”
“Get plenty of rest and fluids, and I hope to see you in class on Monday. Sayonara, Tyler.”
“Sayonara, Sensei.”
Tyler hung up the phone, glad Jaime had shown up for class. Jaime had a lot more strength than he gave himself credit for. Tyler knew he would be okay, or at least he would never let it show. That would make things a lot easier in the long run. Maybe in a few months, after things cooled down, they could go back to being friends and sparring together. The thought of keeping Jaime in his life—even at a distance—was something of a comfort. But tonight Tyler couldn’t deal with Jaime’s ease at hiding his feelings, when his own were playing Twister with his heart.
* * * *
Jaime had almost missed class. He had been staring at his soundboard, trying to think about work when Leila had come into the booth and reminded him of the time.
“You’re going to be late.”
He’d mumbled something about not feeling well. He could have just skipped class considering he would be late as it was. Then he remembered his promise to Tyler. Not that he expected Tyler to hold him to it. But Jaime loved training and wasn’t about to give it up again because he’d been stupid enough to get involved with someone he trained with. Again. If he was going to be able to stay and train in Sensei Melissa’s dojo, he needed to show Tyler this breakup was no big deal.
Jaime paused while getting changed even as class started. He hadn’t seen Tyler when he’d come in, but then again he’d kept his head down as he bowed and made his apologies.
Breakup. That was what it felt like, but that would mean they were something more than just lovers. He stuffed the feeling, tightening his throat and making his eyes water, deep down in his chest. Tyler had been the first man since Ethan to make a lasting impression on his heart. Maybe Jaime just wasn’t made for relationships. He did far better when things stayed casual.
That didn’t matter now. Jaime was at the dojo to train. When he was dressed and waiting for permission to join class, he allowed his gaze to leave the mats for a quick look around. No Tyler. Jaime felt relieved and sad at the same time.
By the end of class, Jaime was exhausted.
“You really pick up katas quickly,” Sarah said after they had bowed out.
“You are a good teacher, Sempai.” Jaime bowed.
“It’s going to take me a while to get used to being called that.”
“You will. I’d better get going.”
“No sparring?”
Jaime hoped she hadn’t seen him wince. He wasn’t sure sparring would ever be the same for him. At that moment, it reminded him of how close he’d been with Tyler—emotionally and physically.
“Not tonight. Sayonara.” Jaime bowed again.
“Sayonara.” Sarah bowed.
Jaime wasn’t the only one in the changing room, but he didn’t care. He just needed to get dressed so he could get home, shower, and sleep. Anything beyond basic necessities seemed unnecessary and just reminded him he was alone again.
“What do you think you are doing?”
With his shirt off and his pants halfway down, Jaime looked up to see Steve walking in.
“I would have thought that was pretty obvious.” Jaime had little patience for Steve tonight. He’d already given Jaime a good bruise on his leg from a low kick and nearly ripped his arm out of its socket during one-step sparring. “I won’t be long. You can wait outside if you are worried you can’t control yourself around me.”
Jaime slipped off his gi pants and reached for his jeans.
“Fucking prick.”
Jaime heard Steve slam the door. When he looked up, Steve was inches from him and coming in fast. Jaime raised his hands and let Steve throw him up against the lockers. The wild look in his eyes assured Jaime that Steve was looking for a fight.
“You think you are so good.” Steve thumped Jaime against the lockers, making them
