Copyright © 2020 P.A. Mason
All rights reserved.
First Edition
Editing services provided by CJ Skye
Cover design by P.A. Mason
ASIN: B0872QSYNV
Gretchen’s (Mis)Adventures
Series 1, Episode 2
‘Of Hair and No Hair’
By P.A. Mason
For everyone who wondered what happened to that gal after she got rescued. We don’t hear from her much anymore.
Chapter 1
“She’s lying!” Spittle flew from Ewan’s mouth. “She promised that vile concoction would have my hair grown back in no time.”
He waggled a finger over the guard's shoulder and Gretchen guffawed.
“Your hair grew back, buddy. You never specified where you wanted it.”
“Enough.” The guard held up his hands in the close confines of the narrow alleyway. “This is a matter for the magistrate. Move along.”
“Tell that dreadful hag to give me my money back before I talk to the sheriff about this.” Ewan scratched at a tuft of hair poking through his collar, and Gretchen smothered a giggle.
“You brought a hair potion off the shelf for a couple of coins. You want to be a cheapskate with beauty products? After accusing me of fleecing you when I offered to brew something specific? You deserve all the unwanted hair you get.”
“Ah ha!” Ewan clapped his hands. “You heard that, didn’t you? I’ll be calling you as a witness to that confession. She’ll be chased out of this city once I’m through with her.”
Ewan spun on his heel to march to the market square. The guard turned to Gretchen, his leathery face creased in a toothy grin.
“It’s all anyone’s been talking about for weeks. He’s the laughingstock of the marketplace.” The guard clapped her on the shoulder. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.”
Gretchen snickered and pulled a vial from her pouch. “Time to make amends, I guess. “She sidled past the guard to her stall and stood on her soapbox to get a better vantage of the crowd.
“Listen up, folks.” She held the bottle aloft which sparkled golden in the afternoon sun. “Today’s special offer is my famous ‘de-hair’ potion. Tired of all that back hair? Bikini line chafing? This is the solution you’ve all been waiting for. All for a low price of three silver coins.”
A few people stopped to stare, one guy scratching his rear end. She glimpsed Ewan’s glossy scalp as he stormed over and she coughed to hide a smirk.
“You’ll never see a price like this again, and I have one dose left. With ingredients from the far-flung reaches of the realm, some only available a few months a year, it will be some time before I can prepare another batch.”
Ewan elbowed past the onlookers and snatched the bottle from Gretchen’s hand.
“Hey! You plan on paying for that?” Gretchen put her hands on her hips and glared.
“Just taking what I’m owed.” Ewan glowered at the bystanders and turned his nose in the air as he marched off.
The crowd dispersed with animated whispers, and Gretchen dusted off her hands, whistling as she packed up her stall.
“What was that all about?” The guard leaned against an adjoining booth with a twinkle in his eye.
“Ah.” Gretchen tapped her nose and winked. “Wait until you see what happens to his eyebrows.”
“Poetic justice.” The guard shook his head and chuckled. “Going so early?”
With the jars out of the way, Gretchen folded the cleverly designed, bamboo stall into a long bundle of sticks and tied it together with the cloth that served as shade over the top.
“Yup. Won’t be here tomorrow, neither. Tomorrow’s the big day; pumpkin growing competition in the next village over.” She held up her untied pouch and bit her lip as she pushed the bamboo through the impossibly small space. “Shame I can’t get my pumpkins into the pouch. It’ll be a wagon and donkey farting in my direction all morning.”
The guard watched in fascination as she arranged her things inside the infinity pouch. “I still don’t understand how that thing works.”
“Truth be told, neither do I. All I know is, it was the best investment I ever made. Even if it did involve a wizard.”
Gretchen tied the pouch strings to her belt and leaned her broom’s handle over her shoulder. She had her entire inventory stowed away and wasn’t a pound heavier. Doing business in the city each day was out of the question without it.
“Well, it’s probably best if you aren't around tomorrow, anyhow. Ewan doesn’t let things go easily.”
“Thanks, Bill. I know you’ve got my back.” She clapped his shoulder as she walked past him into the laneway toward the stables. There was a strip around the back she used to take to the air without having to walk all the way out of the city walls, which was worth it, even if she got crap in her boots.
Ewan would be a problem. She knew she shouldn’t have ticked him off but couldn’t help herself after the holier than thou attitude he’d spewed when she’d first set up in the city. The other traders were mostly friendly, there wasn’t much direct competition, and Gretchen had felt at home a few weeks after she’d started her little enterprise in the big smoke.
As she passed through the stables, she tipped her hat to the lad who took care of the animals during the afternoons. On the sly, she pulled a hunk of bread out of her pocket to slip to her favorite mare who already had her head hanging out of the stall. She was her favorite because she had spunk, and if she didn’t hand over something, the mare was quick to take a swipe at her pointed hat.
Around the back she was pleased to see the ground had dried throughout the morning, and it boded well for the fly home. It was a longer commute than the marketplace back home, but her aversion to flying was limited to taking off and landing. She usually managed well enough
