Silence ensued, and the longer he stared at me, the more I thought it was a mistake for me to single him out and ask him such intimate questions.
But then he sighed and flashed me the tiniest smirk.
“It wasn’t that long after she came here that I told Sully I loved her. I was the first to say it, and she freaked out. Said no one ever told her that before. She thought I was lying.”
“Oh.”
“There’s a possibility that what Maddie feels for you is something other than love. You’re the guy who saved her from them. It could be deep-seated gratitude. It could be some form of hero shit. I don’t know. Or it could be actual love. How do you feel about her?”
“I don’t think I love her. It’s too soon.”
“Listen, if I know anything, it’s that time isn’t a factor. Don’t worry about how long you’ve known her. You were trying to protect her before you even met her.” He pulled his helmet on and clicked the strap under his chin. “Do you think about her all the time? Do you worry about her? Do you miss her when you’re not with her? Does your chest hurt when she looks at you? Does the world make sense when you’re near her, when you touch her?”
“Yeah.”
“You love her.”
“I do?” I took a moment and ran through his questions one more time in my head. “I do,” I said definitively. “But I hurt her.”
“Join the fuckin’ club. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve put my foot in my mouth with Sully over the years? Too many to count. But, God love her, she continues to put up with my ass.” Marek laughed, the sound working to soothe some of my worry.
He kicked over the engine and threw on his shades. “Tell her the truth. I’m not a sentimental or emotional man, Linc, but when it comes to the women in our lives, you have to lay it out on the line and hope for the best. Don’t waste time. Don’t fuck around. Life is way too short for any of that.” I took a step back from his bike. “Got it?”
“Got it. Thanks, Prez.”
He nodded before taking off toward the end of the clubhouse lot, leaving me standing there, contemplating exactly what I’d say to Maddie as soon as she was sober enough to remember.
38
I’d like to say that I didn’t have any more nightmares about Griller or any of the other guys in the Reapers, but that would be a lie. They’d lessened since Lincoln came into my life, but I still sometimes found myself trapped in them. Only my dreams were more memories than my subconscious throwing together a concoction of thoughts and images.
Startling awake, my breaths heavy and uneven, I searched my surroundings all without moving a muscle, relaxing only when I remembered where I was. Then I felt warm breath on my neck, and an arm slung over my midsection, holding me close.
Three seconds passed before my brain registered that Lincoln was the person behind me. This was the first time we’d actually slept in the same bed together, and even through everything that had happened between us in the past couple days, I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to wake up.
I needed to use the toilet, but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his soothing embrace. When he moved his arm lower and pressed closer, however, I realized if I didn’t empty my bladder, I’d end up having a mess to clean up.
Pushing on his arm did nothing but make him grip me tighter. “Lincoln,” I croaked, my mouth void of any moisture. “I gotta… pee.” Barely able to talk, I hoped he heard me. Several seconds passed, but nothing happened. I tried to move his arm again, and he groaned.
“What are you doin’, woman?” he grunted.
“Pee” was the only word that came out clearly.
He mumbled something before rolling onto his back, releasing me. I scrambled to the edge of the bed, threw my feet over the side, and stood. My head spun, and I almost fell back onto the mattress but caught myself at the last second. Shuffling forward, I finally made it the few feet to the bathroom, did my business, then stopped at the sink to wash my hands. I glanced into the mirror and saw someone who’d had too much alcohol the night before. But my reflection wasn’t the same one I gazed upon last time in this room, which was only a shell of a person. I had more life in my eyes, even though they were glassy and red, and while I was heartbroken Lincoln didn’t love me like I did him, I didn’t live in constant fear anymore.
“Be thankful you’re free,” I murmured to my likeness. “Your heart might hurt, but your body doesn’t.” Splashing some cold water on my face, I felt remotely better, but not by much. I curved my hand under the faucet and drank several mouthfuls from the tap, the cotton feeling in my mouth finally dissipating. Then, after a quick brush of my teeth, I wiped my face, sucked in a fortifying breath and released it slowly, giving me a couple extra seconds before I laid eyes on the guy who had turned my world upside down, both good and bad.
When I reentered the room, his eyes were on me, and it was then it dawned on me I wore nothing more than a pair of panties. The way his heated gaze traveled over me made the buzzing beneath my skin erupt, and all I wanted to do was crawl back into his arms and lose myself—emotionally as well as physically. But there was still one big issue between us.
Lincoln reached out his hand. “Come here, Maddie.” I didn’t think I’d ever tire of hearing him say my name, his morning voice
