‘Of course,’ says Rose. ‘What are you up to?’
The words are accusing, but the tone in which she says them tells Lauren they’re not meant to be. Nevertheless, Lauren can feel her cheeks going red and she turns to put a jar of coffee in a cupboard already over-stocked with caffeine.
‘Erm . . . I’m going to try and get Kate out.’ It’s the first thing she can think of.
‘Oh, that would be lovely,’ enthuses Rose. ‘It would do you two the power of good to get together and sort out your differences.’
‘I’m sorry for the trouble this has all caused,’ says Lauren.
‘It can’t be helped,’ says Rose, in the sing-song voice she puts on when she means the exact opposite. ‘But you would have been wise to have thought about the consequences beforehand.’
‘I hate him,’ says Lauren, with such vitriol that she surprises even herself.
‘Don’t say that, darling,’ says Rose, sidling up beside her. ‘It would break his heart. He was your father and he loved you so very much.’
‘If he loved me, he’d never have done what he did,’ she cries. ‘How could he have had a baby with someone else, when all the time . . . he . . . he . . .?’ Her shoulders convulse and a sob escapes from her chest.
‘Lauren,’ implores Rose, taking her daughter’s hands in her own. ‘You have to leave this alone. You need to leave this in the past where it belongs. You can’t continue punishing yourself like this.’
‘I shouldn’t be the one being punished,’ cries Lauren. ‘He should.’
‘And don’t you think that not seeing his sixtieth birthday is punishment enough?’
Lauren looks down at her feet as tears fall onto her cheeks.
‘And don’t you think he knew what he’d done?’ soothes Rose. ‘That he knew how wrong he was.’
‘So why didn’t you stop him?’ sobs Lauren, feeling an overwhelming desire to lash out at her mother, at anything, just so she can release the years of pent-up frustration that swirl relentlessly around her body.
Rose takes her daughter in her arms and holds her tight, making Lauren cry even louder.
‘There was nothing I could do,’ says Rose into her ear. ‘I tried everything – but no matter what I said or did, he wouldn’t listen.’
‘There must have been something . . .’ says Lauren.
‘You know what your dad was like,’ says Rose softly. ‘Once his mind was made up, that was it. But it didn’t mean he loved you any less.’
Lauren’s tears fall onto Rose’s shoulders as her mother strokes her hair, just like she used to when she was younger. Lauren feels as if she’s on the outside of herself, looking onto the same scene of some twenty-two years ago.
‘It’s not good for you to be around Jess,’ Rose says, holding Lauren at arm’s length. ‘I don’t think you should see or talk to her again.’
‘She deserves to know the truth,’ says Lauren.
Rose shakes her head. ‘No!’ she says abruptly. ‘Look at the state of you. Look at what it’s doing to you.’
Lauren contemplates telling her mother that Justin showing up after all this time is the straw that’s broken the camel’s back, but she thinks better of it.
‘I can handle it,’ she says.
‘If you honestly believe that, then you’re in denial. If you carry on with this, it will rip this family apart – look at what it’s done to you and Kate already. Why don’t you concentrate on sorting out that relationship, rather than go on a wild goose chase after someone you don’t even know?’
‘I’m going to deal with Kate,’ says Lauren. ‘Tomorrow night.’
The reminder of who Rose thinks Lauren is seeing seems to calm her, and Lauren immediately feels guilty.
‘I’ll only need to call on you if Simon’s not in,’ she goes on, knowing that that’s the only scenario that’ll allow her to go.
‘Fine,’ says Rose tightly. ‘But only on the understanding that you sort things out with Kate. Keeping this family together means everything to me, and I will not allow anyone to destroy it.’
16
Kate
‘I don’t think I can order until we know,’ says Matt, sitting opposite Kate in their favourite Italian restaurant in Soho. ‘What time did they say you can call?’
‘Six o’clock.’ Kate battles with her expression, trying hard not to convey that she already has the answer to the question that’s threatening his appetite. But she can’t stop the corners of her mouth from turning upwards and she’s sure that the glint in her eye is undisguisable.
‘What are you going to have?’ he asks, without looking up from his menu.
‘I was going to have the burrata to start,’ she says.
‘Do you think you should?’ he asks, clearly concerned that her favourite cheese might be unpasteurized.
‘Mmm, maybe not, just to be on the safe side.’ She’s quite enjoying playing this game, but she needs to put Matt out of his misery soon. She needs to put herself out of misery, as she can barely keep her bottom on the seat due to her pent-up excitement.
‘So, how’s work been today?’ she asks, forcing herself to sound normal.
‘Well, I’ve offered the Junior Reporter job.’
‘Oh great, which one did you choose?’
Matt screws his face up. ‘Mmm, you’re not going to be happy.’
Kate falls back in her chair in mock outrage. ‘Don’t tell me you went for the uni graduate.’
Matt nods and holds up his hands. ‘But in my defence, when we got them both back in for a second interview, she nailed it.’
Kate shakes her head. ‘Well, don’t come running to me when it all goes wrong.’
‘O ye of little faith,’ Matt laughs.
Unable to contain herself any longer, Kate reaches into her bag and pulls out a wrapped gift box, putting it in front of Matt on the table.
‘What’s this for?’ he asks.
‘Do I need a reason?’
‘Normally, yes,’ he says, eyeing her suspiciously.
‘Just open it,’ she says impatiently.
Her eyes don’t leave him as he unwraps it, far too slowly.
‘Hurry up,’ she urges.
He smiles and rips the paper off impatiently, looking quizzically at the pen-shaped box he’s left with. As he
