‘Did you go to your doctor?’
Rose shakes her head vehemently. ‘No, there was still a stigma attached to it back then. It wasn’t like today – when we’re all encouraged to talk about our emotions.’
‘Weren’t you scared?’ asks Kate. ‘When you found out you were pregnant with me?’
‘Terrified!’ says Rose, half smiling. ‘But I couldn’t deny Lauren a sibling just because I had difficulty coping. I had to give myself some tough love and accept that everyone else was clearly managing, so I just had to pull myself together and get on with it.’
‘And was it as bad the second time around?’
Rose grimaces. ‘Worse, unfortunately.’
Kate can’t help but feel hurt that she was difficult to love. Maybe that explained why she’d always felt closer to her father. If Rose realizes what she’s implied, she doesn’t show it.
‘And . . . the third time?’ asks Kate, hesitantly.
Rose looks at her quizzically, tilting her head to the side. ‘The third time . . .? I only have you and Lauren,’ she says, laughing. ‘In case you hadn’t noticed.’
Kate gets up and walks to the fireplace, picking up the Order of Service for her dad’s funeral. She wonders if her mother can’t bear to put it away for the same reason she can’t. As if doing so would mean that she doesn’t think about him, and if he’s looking down, she doesn’t ever want him to think she’s forgotten him.
Kate smiles back at his grinning face, knowing that the reason he looks so happy is because his grandchildren, who were cut out of the shot, are playing at his feet. A crushing feeling descends on her as she acknowledges that it will never be her children who make him laugh like that.
‘Did you love him?’ asks Kate.
‘You know I did,’ says Rose. ‘More than life itself.’
‘Were you faithful?’ Kate asks, without turning around. It feels easier not to see her mother’s face, especially if she’s going to lie.
There’s a stunned silence.
‘Why on earth would you ask me something like that?’ says Rose. ‘Why would you even think it?’
Kate’s mouth feels as if it’s full of cotton wool. This is her opportunity to backtrack. But that’s not what she’s come here for. She won’t leave without the truth. She can’t.
‘Hey,’ calls out Lauren as she lets herself in.
‘We’re in here,’ says Rose, her voice resounding with relief.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ offers Lauren nonchalantly, as if they’re here to discuss the weather.
Kate suddenly wishes they were.
‘So I’ve asked you both here because there’s something I need to tell you,’ says Rose, wasting no time in getting to the point.
Lauren and Kate exchange a look. It feels as if they’re about to find out the competition winner; will Lauren win the prize for rightly guessing that Jess is their father’s daughter? Or will Kate, the outside favourite, romp home after trusting her hunch that Jess is their mother’s child? Either way, it’s a sick game.
‘This is really hard for me, and I never imagined I’d ever have to do this, but you’ve given me no choice.’
Kate bristles at the suggestion that it’s somehow their fault that she abandoned her child.
‘Jess turning up has brought back a lot of bad memories for me, of a time that I’d much rather forget.’
Lauren falls heavily onto the sofa, as if signalling she’s here for the long-haul. Kate would prefer to get this over and done with as quickly as possible and stands straight-backed in front of the fireplace.
‘There was a woman,’ starts Rose, slowly and deliberately. ‘Her name was Helen Wilmington and she was your father’s secretary.’
Kate’s sure she’s stopped breathing.
‘Just before we moved down here from Yorkshire, your father wasn’t his normal self,’ says Rose, sniffing. ‘He’d always worked hard, but suddenly he was working all hours God sent. One night, after telling me he was staying at the office, I decided to surprise him by taking his dinner in to him.’
Kate grimaces, knowing the lie her mother is about to tell.
Rose bites down on her lip as she looks at the girls in turn, checking that she has their undivided attention.
‘Was he not there?’ asks Lauren naively.
‘Oh, he was there all right,’ says Rose, attempting to laugh, though it sounds hollow. ‘She was there too, though, and there was no doubt in my mind what she was there for.’
Lauren covers her mouth with her hand. ‘You saw them?’
Rose nods solemnly.
‘Did they see you?’ asks Lauren.
‘No, no, I got out of there without them noticing me.’
‘Did you ever confront him? Did you ever tell him what you’d seen?’
Rose reaches across to Lauren and puts a hand over hers. When she looks up, her eyes are glistening with tears. ‘No, because I didn’t want anything to change. You have to understand; I loved your father with all my heart, and I knew that if I told him what I’d seen, things would never be the same again. I didn’t want that for our family – it was too important to me. It’s still important to me.’
Rose looks sadly around the place they’d called home for almost a quarter of a century. The peach-coloured front room, with its mahogany units displaying porcelain figurines, is a little dated, but it has been beautifully kept.
Kate remembers the Saturday mornings when her mother would be hoovering along to Radio 2 as she and her father ran in from the garden, both of them wearing muddied boots and even dirtier grins.
‘Don’t you be coming through here with all that mud on you,’ Rose had cried, as Kate and her father looked at each other conspiratorially and giggled.
Had he been seeing another woman, then? Making a child with her? Kate refuses to believe it, yet tears still spring to her eyes.
‘I’m sorry,’ says Rose. ‘I would never
