‘So, you’re saying he didn’t want me to have the baby?’ asks Lauren.
‘Good grief no,’ exclaims Rose. ‘You were too young. You had your whole life ahead of you. Why would you want to tie yourself to a commitment like that at that age?’
‘Is this Dad talking, or you?’
‘Darling, you know I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, and if having a baby at sixteen was your happiness, then I would have supported you. I did everything I could to make your father see, but with hindsight, he was probably right.’
‘Meaning?’ says Lauren coldly.
‘Well, look how quickly Justin ducked out of his responsibilities. As soon as the going got tough, he was gone. Would you really have wanted a life with someone like that?’
‘But I loved him.’
‘You thought you loved him,’ says Rose, patronizingly. ‘But you were young – you both were. You didn’t know what love was.’
Lauren remembers how she felt last night, with Justin’s arms wrapped around her as she lay on his chest. How she knew she shouldn’t be there but couldn’t bear to tear herself away. How the intensity in his eyes as he’d made love to her had made her cry. How her heart races at the mere thought of him. It may be twenty-two years later, but nothing has changed. That’s what love feels like, whether you’re sixteen or thirty-eight.
‘I saw him,’ says Lauren quietly, almost to herself.
‘What’s that, darling?’
Lauren takes a deep breath in an effort to stop the words that are threatening to tumble out. ‘I saw Justin,’ she says.
Rose’s eyes blink too many times. ‘Oh,’ she says through a fixed grin. ‘Didn’t he go abroad?’
Lauren nods.
‘So, what did he make of his life?’ asks Rose. ‘I assume not very much.’
‘He got married, had two children and is an executive at an American company.’ She refuses to give her mother the satisfaction of knowing that he’s now divorced, and his sons live halfway across the world.
‘Well imagine that,’ Rose says almost triumphantly. ‘If you’d stayed with him, you could have ended up all the way over in America. You wouldn’t have met your wonderful husband; you wouldn’t have your three beautiful children—’
‘I’m leaving Simon,’ says Lauren, matter-of-factly. She didn’t even know she’d made the decision until she said it.
Rose’s face freezes, as if unable to compute what she’s just heard. ‘Wh-what?’
‘I’m leaving Simon,’ she says again.
‘But . . . but why?’ gasps Rose. ‘I thought . . . I mean, you’re so good together.’
Were they? Perhaps they were from an outsider’s viewpoint. It’s funny what people choose to see and the assumptions they make when they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. They may mistake the look in her eye as pride in her husband, instead of the desperate need to please him. They may hear her agreeable voice as one half of an equal partnership, instead of the conciliatory tone of someone who’s learnt to be submissive.
‘It’s . . . not working,’ says Lauren.
‘It didn’t occur to me that anything was wrong,’ cries Rose. ‘I honestly thought you were happy.’
Well, clearly you don’t know me as well as you thought you did, Lauren wants to scream. Because Justin made me happy. Justin still makes me happy.
Rose clasps her hands over Lauren’s. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she says. ‘What can I do to help?’
Lauren remembers a night long ago when her mother had held her, asking her the same question. ‘Just tell me what I can do to help you,’ she’d said, as Lauren cried into her arms.
‘Make Justin come back to me.’
‘I’m sorry, darling, but I can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do.’
‘But he said he loved me,’ Lauren had wept. ‘He said that he’d stand by me and we’d do this together.’
‘I’m afraid you’ll learn that boys say a lot of things they don’t mean.’
Lauren’s chest had convulsed, her shoulders caving in. ‘I can’t do it without him,’ she’d sobbed.
‘Well I think you have your answer,’ said Rose. ‘But don’t worry, because I’ll be there every step of the way.’
And she had been, Lauren couldn’t fault her for that. Her mother had been the glue that had kept them all together, though the bond between her and her father was never very tight after that. The thought that, for all these years, she’d blamed him for something he didn’t do, makes Lauren feel physically sick.
‘There is something you can do to help me,’ says Lauren now.
Rose tilts her head, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
‘Can you watch the children?’
Rose’s shoulders visibly relax. ‘Of course, darling. Are you going to see Simon? You mustn’t let all these years go to waste. He’s a good man.’
Lauren smiles and shakes her head. ‘You’re not a very good judge of character, are you?’
‘What do you mean?’ asks Rose, clearly affronted.
‘You backed the wrong horse,’ says Lauren, getting up and walking out.
‘Wait! Where are you going?’
‘I’m going to see Justin,’ says Lauren. ‘The man I should have been with for all these years. The man you took away from me.’
45
Kate
‘Kate, it’s me,’ says Matt. His voice is heavy down the phone.
‘Hey,’ she says, wearily.
It has been an exhausting few days and she feels like she could sleep standing up, yet oddly when sleep has been available, she’s not been able to take it, her mind keeping her awake as it frantically searched for an excuse for her father. But now, it seems that he doesn’t need one. He’d been the man Lauren had accused him of all along. She coughs to clear the overwhelming hurt that is stuck in her throat.
‘Have you got a minute?’ asks Matt.
‘Yeah, sure, fire away.’
‘No, I mean, can you come down here? To my office.’
Kate pulls herself up, immediately on the defence. ‘Why?’ she asks.
‘It’s about Jess’s story,’ says Matt. ‘There’s somebody here I think you need to talk to. I’ll explain when you get here.’
‘Okay, I’m on my way,’ she says, grabbing her handbag and heading for the door.
In the two minutes it takes for her to walk to Matt’s
