“Xavi…”
I threw myself into my desk chair and turned on my laptop. I had work to do which had been neglected last night after we’d rushed to the hospital.
“I have shit to do, E.”
It didn’t stop him coming over and putting a hand on my shoulder.
“Do you want some tea?”
I sighed and leant my head against his hand. How had I never realised before how much this man loved me? He’d taken care of me our whole lives. I should’ve known. I should’ve recognised he acted out of love. He was my best fucking friend. Had always been. So I should’ve damn well seen it.
He stroked my hair with his other hand, soothing me. God, I didn’t know how I could live without him. Without this. After twenty-five years, I finally appreciated everything we shared together on a level I hadn’t before. Eric wasn’t just my rock or my best friend, he was my soulmate.
“Yeah, that’d be nice, thank you.”
I didn’t want to take my frustrations regarding Julian out on Eric. He didn’t deserve that from me when he was trying so hard to make me feel better.
“I’ll be back in a few then.”
He released me and walked away. I felt bereft of his touch and presence immediately. I ran a hand through my hair and slumped in my chair. The weight of the world was on my fucking shoulders. What I did about Julian was still a damn mystery. I had no real choice but to give in to his demands if I was going to keep Ash safe. However, I didn’t know if that would even be enough. He might betray me anyway. That’s just who he was. Julian had always served his own interests and never cared about the havoc he wrought on other people’s lives.
I rubbed my face and started opening up the programs I needed. Concentrating on work would help, but even as I looked at the code I was writing, I felt the ever-looming presence of my father on my shoulder. It’s like he’d never left even though he’d been in prison for twelve years. I thought I was safe from him but believing that had been a mistake. I’d never be safe from Julian. Not when memories of what he’d done plagued me. Not when he’d forced me into agreeing to his stupid stipulations. Not now he knew who I cared about more than anything in this world. If anything happened to Eric or Ash because of him, I don’t know what the fuck I would do. Fall apart? I couldn’t live without the two of them. Quinn and Rory came a close second. They were my family even if Quinn did my head in on a regular basis.
I turned my head at the sound of footsteps. Eric placed a mug and a plate next to my hand before leaning down and kissing my temple. He’d brought up Hobnobs, my favourite biscuits to dunk in my tea. Emotion clogged my throat. This man knew me like the back of his fucking hand.
Before he could disappear, I swivelled my chair around and snaked a hand around his waist. I pressed my forehead against his stomach, breathing in his fresh pine scent. He stroked my head but didn’t say a word as if he knew all I needed was his presence right then.
“Thank you for taking care of me our whole lives,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise how much you mean to me.”
I pulled him in between my legs, turning my head and resting my cheek against him. I wrapped both my arms around him because I needed him close. I just plain needed him right here with me. He continued to stroke my head whilst his other hand rested on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
“I’m scared, E,” I admitted. “I’m scared of what he’ll do. Scared he’ll find a way to rip you and her away from me like he did to Mum and Katie. I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t go through that again.”
I clutched him tighter. The need to hold on to him and never let go pulsed through my veins.
“You won’t, Xavi. We’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t know that. It’s not just Julian, it’s that fucking cunt, Russo and Ash’s mother. All of it. I can’t stand it. I want this to be over. I need it to be. I know how Quinn feels now. How much pressure he’s under to keep us from falling apart. From fucking dying. Why have we been fighting our whole lives? We deserve a fucking break not all of this extra crap.”
His fingers tightened around my shoulder. We’d all been under so much stress since we’d taken Ash. It was a fucking miracle we hadn’t killed each other with all the crap we’d gone through. Somehow that girl kept us together. The glue we needed to keep our family from imploding. She completed us, but it was only when I realised just how deeply I felt about Eric I became aware I’d still been missing a piece. Him. My soulmate.
“We’re going to get through this. I know it’s shit right now. I know it feels like it won’t end. We just have to fight a little longer and a little harder. One day we won’t have to worry about any of this shit. One day we’ll be safe. All of us. It ends when Russo is gone. Julian loses his leverage over you when Russo dies. You know that, right?”
I nodded. We needed to destroy that man. I might not be able to do a single fucking
