“It’ll get tiresome. My job puts me in the company of a lot of women. Are you planning on slapping them all? The bail fees might get exorbitant.”
“This isn’t a joke.”
“Who’s laughing?” He stood and moved so he sat beside her. He put an arm on the back of her chair. “I love you, Kathy. But neither of us wants to be in a relationship where we’re doing nothing but fighting. Your mom is right in that you have to make the choice to trust me. Part of that just has to be faith.”
“Are you saying that you don’t think we can work?” Her eyes filled again. She’d held out all her hope on this one conversation to fix everything.
“Of course I’m not saying that.” He cradled her cheek. “You don’t need to beat back other women to be with me. You just have to be willing to fight me. Tell me when you’re feeling insecure or scared or pissed off. Be brave enough to tell me that. Be strong enough to take it when I fight back. Be sure enough to know that I’m not going anywhere.”
“How?”
“That’s where faith comes in. You have to be willing to take that leap. Regardless of how scary it is.”
Could she do that? Suddenly, all of the thinking and prep work she’d done for days for this conversation didn’t matter because Kevin didn’t think she was up for this. She saw it in his eyes.
He stroked her cheek again, and she leaned into his touch.
“We both deserve something better than a relationship where there is no trust. That trust has to go both ways. I have to trust that you’ll come to me, no matter how bad things seem. Right now, all you want to do is run away. I get it. That’s your defense mechanism. But if I’m willing to open every part of me to give you whatever you need, you have to be willing to do the same.” He slipped away from the table and stood. “As much as I want to take you home right now and spend the night with you, you were right about that too. It would be easy. And I don’t think you’re ready to give me what I need.”
Then he turned and left her staring at him. Just when she didn’t think her heart could break any more, it did.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Walking away from Kathy at that moment was the hardest thing Kevin had ever done in his life. But he couldn’t continue on with the constant push and pull that they’d been doing. If he was going to be all in with this relationship, she needed to be too. And not just to say it, but to really believe it and live it. He shoved through the doors and walked to his car. By the time he stuck the key in the ignition, his hands were shaking.
Fuck, he wanted a drink.
He’d stayed sober all night because he wanted a clear head to talk to Kathy. Now he was regretting that decision. He no longer wanted to think straight or feel anything. Oblivion was starting to sound pretty damn good. Because he just walked away from the best thing he had. He’d needed to. It was the right decision and nothing told him that more than her reaction to what he’d said.
She let him go.
Not even a word of protest. She wasn’t ready to fight for them. Or fight with him. No matter what she’d said. The words sounded great, but like she said, when you’re a person who’s good with words, they don’t carry much weight.
He started the engine and drove to his apartment. He and Kathy needed more space. She needed to figure out what she really wanted, what she was willing to put out there. He’d hoped that the past week apart had been enough. It was killing him to not be with her.
By the time he got into his apartment, his thirst for alcohol had waned, but he popped the cap off a bottle of beer anyway. What he wanted to do was call Kathy and go to her, but this time, it was her move. She needed to decide if she was really in this relationship, if she was ready to put the work in.
Just as he raised the bottle to his lips, there was a knock at his door. He went to answer, confused as to who would show up at his apartment. He hadn’t expected to see Kathy standing there looking pissed off.
“That was a shitty thing to do,” she said as she pushed past him and entered his apartment without invitation.
She must’ve taken his stunned silence as permission to continue. She turned on him, pointed, opened her mouth, and then stopped. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms.
Damn. She was shutting down again. That was too bad because she looked damn good with some fire in her.
“You came all the way over here to yell at me and now you’re not going to do it?” he said.
“I didn’t come to yell.”
He answered with a raised brow. He knew a pissed-off woman when he saw one.
“Yes, I’m angry. Talking to you tonight was hard for me, and you acted like it was nothing. I know I screwed up and I want to fix it. I tried to tell you and I feel like you dismissed that.” Tears welled up in her eyes.
He didn’t care anymore about pushing her or waiting to see if she was ready. She was here, and so he pulled her into his arms and held her. “I wasn’t dismissing you. I want you to want this as much as I do. I need you to be pissed off at me and fight with me when you are instead of shutting down and holding it in. ’Cause, let’s face it. I’m gonna do a whole lotta shit to piss you off. It’s in my nature.
