She decided to wait at the bar for Kevin to find her. If he didn’t show in a little while, she’d text him to let him know she was here. She sat on a stool and ordered a glass of wine. Then she mentally rehearsed what she needed to say. Again. The rehearsal filled her mind so much that she didn’t notice Kevin beside her until he touched her back.
“You look beautiful.”
Her heart squeezed at his words, and her blood raced at his touch. She wished she could just turn and kiss him and allow that to be enough. To turn back time and pretend the last week didn’t exist.
“Thank you. How was the reception?”
“Same as always. Lots of talking.”
“You’re good at that.” She shifted on her stool. “Do you want to order a drink?”
He shook his head. “I’ve had enough.”
“Can we get something more private? A table maybe?”
“Absolutely.” He held a hand out and waited for her to stand. When she walked past him he placed his hand on the small of her back as he always did. It felt natural, right.
As they passed the mayor, Kevin said good-bye, and they sat at a quiet corner table. She set her wineglass down and toyed with the stem as her well-practiced words fled her mind. “Thank you for agreeing to talk with me.”
He placed a hand over hers and waited until she raised her gaze to meet his. “I was a little surprised you asked,” he said. “I came here early tonight as a test. I needed to see for myself if we were really done.”
She swallowed hard. “I thought I wanted to be.” She shook her head. “No, that’s not right. I thought I needed to be. But I couldn’t. I’ve been miserable.”
“Me too.” He picked up her hand and stroked his thumb over the back.
“I wish I could just pretend none of that happened.”
“We can’t.” He spoke sharply and she knew he was angry, even though he hadn’t yet shown any sign of it.
“I know.”
“What changed?”
“Huh?”
“What changed since last week? Why do you want to talk to me now when you wouldn’t then?”
“I couldn’t talk to you then. I knew what would happen. You’d use your charm and your kisses to convince me to ignore how I felt. And I’d let you.”
He slipped his hand away from hers. “So you pushed me away instead. What the hell sense does that make?”
“None, really. I wasn’t being fair to either of us. I was upset after a fight with my mother. I saw you with Marnie and my initial thought was that you were cheating on me.”
His eyes flashed with anger and he opened his mouth, but she stopped him with a raised hand. “I know nothing was happening there. Even after I stepped back and realized that, there was something fundamentally wrong. Don’t you see? I want to trust you and believe you won’t cheat, but the first time I saw you alone with a woman, that was my instinct. That wasn’t fair to you. What does that say about our relationship?”
His shoulders slumped a little, and he rubbed a hand over his face. “What are you getting at?”
She took a sip of wine and then twirled the base of the glass as she tried to formulate her words. “My mom came to see me. Actually, she called and I yelled at her and I was mean and nasty. At least more than I have been at any point in my life. I thought she’d disown me. Instead, she came to my apartment.”
Picking up the glass, she finished her wine and looked directly at Kevin. “It was the first time in my life that I not only talked back to my mother, but also that I felt that she wasn’t going to just walk away. I know it probably sounds stupid to someone like you, but I grew up feeling like I might lose them.”
“What do you mean, someone like me?”
She waved a hand in the air. “You O’Malleys. You’re all assholes to each other. Fighting and yelling and yet, no matter what, you have each other’s backs in an instant.” Her throat got tight and her eyes burned. “I’ve never felt that. I know logically that my mother loves me. I know that I’d have to do something really, really horrendous for her to completely drop out of my life, and yet, I still feel the need to not rock the boat.”
“Until last weekend.”
Kathy nodded. “She expected me to go to some stupid engagement party, but we were supposed to go away together. That’s what started it. It snowballed from there, but the short of it is that my mother pointed out that it’s my choice whether or not I trust you. I can’t control those immediate feelings of jealousy and fear and insecurity.”
“Kathy, I won’t cheat on you. There’s no one else I want.”
“I get that. You’ve done everything possible to show me that I can trust you. It’s going to take time. But my mom’s point was that instead of confronting you, I did the same thing I did five years ago. I ran. I didn’t fight.”
“Your mom told you to fight with me?”
Kathy laughed. “Actually she offered a number of suggestions ranging from throwing a drink in your face to slapping the other woman.”
Kevin burst into laughter.
“What is so funny?”
He reached for her hand again. “Sweetheart, you are not the drink-throwing, face-slapping type.”
She tugged her hand back. “Maybe it’s time I become one.”
A sly smile crossed his face. “Are you saying you want to fight?”
“It’s
