It wouldn’t have, not really. Another round of tears flooded her face. She loved him but she didn’t know how to trust him. She didn’t trust anyone easily. Hell, maybe she didn’t really know how to love him either. What did she have for a role model?
Thinking of her parents made her feel even worse because she couldn’t pick up the phone to ask her mom what she’d thought. Although they weren’t close friends, Kathy would normally talk to her mom about the man in her life. Kathy sometimes asked her mom’s opinion or advice on things. Rarely did she follow the advice, but she at least talked to her. Now she had no one.
She must’ve dozed off again because the ringing of her phone startled her. When she saw her mom’s name on the screen, her heart raced. “Hi, Mom.”
“It’s one o’clock. Will you be here at three with the centerpieces?”
Oh my God. I can’t believe her. Kathy’s heart cracked again. “No, Mom. I’m not. I’m not going to Christy’s stupid party. First of all, I’ve never liked Christy. She treats me like crap. Second, I wasn’t invited, you were. Third, I told you I had plans this weekend. They were plans with my boyfriend. We were supposed to go away for the weekend. But now we’re not because I broke up with him. I’m lying in bed right now crying my eyes out because I broke up with a man I loved. I don’t give a fuck that Christy’s getting married.”
Silence met her and Kathy was sure that her mother had hung up again, but then she heard her breathing. So Kathy kept going. “You never asked, Mom. You never asked why I didn’t want to go. I’m upset right now, but you wouldn’t have asked why. It’s like my feelings don’t matter. I made the centerpieces. You can pick them up at the shop. Anna will give them to you.”
Then she hung up on her mother. And it felt freeing. It didn’t matter if her mother called back, Kathy would survive. She took a deep, albeit shaky, breath. She could picture her mother staring at the phone in disbelief.
The thought made Kathy smile. She texted Moira to tell her she’d just hung up on her mother. If anyone would cheer for her over that, it would be Moira.
Sure enough, seconds later, she had a string of emojis filling her screen.
She dragged herself out of bed and took her tube of cookie dough out of the refrigerator. Sitting on the couch, she ate the raw dough with a spoon, seeking some comfort. All of her insides felt twisted and tangled. All she’d ever wanted in life was a simple, easy relationship, someone to love and come home to every day. A man to share her life with.
She didn’t know why it had to be hard. Love wasn’t supposed to be hard, was it? Moira and Jimmy didn’t make it look hard. Neither did any of the O’Learys now that she thought about it. They might not have perfect relationships, but she couldn’t remember Moira ever talking about any of them feeling like she did right now.
Kathy chewed on some dough. There were a couple of weeks where Jimmy avoided Moira because she wasn’t quite the woman he thought he wanted, but he came around pretty quickly. Maybe for someone looking in from the outside it never looked that hard, but when you’re the one in the middle of it, it sucks.
Her doorbell rang, pulling her from her thoughts. She glanced down at her messy clothes and shrugged. If someone wanted to show up uninvited and without warning, she wasn’t about to dress up. She opened the door and was surprised to see her mother standing there.
“Mom.”
“Are you going to let me in?”
“Sure.” She opened the door and set her cookie dough on the table. Her mom came in. She was obviously dressed for the party, wearing a simple black skirt and blue blouse. Kathy stared at her, still in shock and half expecting to be yelled at.
“You can stop staring like an open-mouthed fish now. I’m the same woman you’ve known your whole life.” She pointed to the cookie dough. “Still too lazy to bake them I see.”
“It’s better raw.”
“No. You used it as comfort when you were too young to use the oven.” Her mom gripped her hands together and looked her in the eye.
The statement was true, but Kathy had no idea that her mother had known.
“We need to talk.”
“I don’t need a lecture, Mom.”
“This isn’t a lecture, although you do deserve one. Sit down.”
Kathy sighed, but did as she was told. She curled her feet up and sat in the corner of the couch. Her mother sat beside her, close enough to touch. Weird.
“I’m not sure where to start,” Mom said.
“The beginning is usually the best.”
She shot Kathy a look. “Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing someone?”
Kathy shrugged.
“Don’t give me that.”
“Because I really liked him. It was special.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t want you to ruin it.” Kathy slapped a hand over her mouth.
“Truth gets easier after a time, doesn’t it? We messed up with you. We knew it, but we didn’t know how to fix it. And you made it easy because you never stirred the waters. On the phone today, you said Christy treats you poorly, but you’ve never said anything. Why?”
“Why would I? It would just start a fight.”
“So what? Sometimes you need to fight to get to the other side.
