“There’s nothing to explain,” she said through the closed door.
“I won’t come in. I won’t even ask to. Please just let me talk to you. See your face.”
As much as she didn’t want to open the door, part of her wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, so looking at his face seemed to be a fair compromise. She unlocked the door and cracked it open. “How did you get in the building?”
“Mrs. Thomas let me in. I think she likes me.” He gave her a smile that broke her heart even more because Kathy liked him too.
“Moira told me you came to the office yesterday.”
She closed her eyes because there was so much about yesterday she wished she could forget.
“You should’ve come all the way into the office. I would’ve introduced you to Marnie.” He stepped closer and raised his hand as if to touch her. “There’s nothing going on with me and Marnie. I don’t want her. I only want you.”
God, she wanted to believe that. She wanted to wrap herself up in those words and live in them forever.
“I told you that this is what I want.” He waved a hand between them. “It’s not a game for me. I’m not fucking around.” As he spoke, his voice got louder, but she was pretty sure he was unaware.
“I know.”
His shoulders sagged. “If you know I’m not fucking around, then why the hell am I standing in the hall instead of lying in your bed? We can still have our weekend.” He moved closer still like he wanted to come in.
Kathy pulled the door close and held up a hand. “We’re not getting back together.”
“What?”
“This can’t work, Kevin. It’s not just about you.”
“Don’t fucking give me the it’s-not-you-it’s-me speech. Fuck that.”
“This isn’t a clichéd speech. Don’t you get it? I saw you with another woman, and I immediately assumed you were cheating on me. That was my first thought. No matter how much we think we can make this work, it’s not. What I said earlier stands. Good-bye.” She slipped behind the door and closed it.
She squeezed her eyes shut as she flipped the lock.
“You said you were in this. Whatever it takes. That’s what you said.”
She pressed her forehead and her palm against the cool wood. A tear trekked down her cheek. “I was wrong,” she whispered. “I’m not strong enough.”
Another thump against the door startled her. “I’m not leaving, Kathy. I’m not giving up.”
She heard him slide down the door. He couldn’t stay there, and she knew he would. Stepping away from the door, she turned off her TV, grabbed her phone, and closed herself into the dark of her bedroom. Then she dialed Moira.
“Hello?” Moira asked groggily.
“I’m sorry to wake you, but I didn’t know who else to call.”
“Kathy?”
“Yeah. Kevin is here and he’s drunk. He’s sitting in the hallway of my apartment building refusing to leave. I’m afraid one of my neighbors will call the police.”
“He’s what? Hold on. Jimmy. Get up. Kevin left.”
Kathy heard movement on the other end and waited patiently. Mumbling was quickly followed by a loud stream of curses by Jimmy. Then Moira returned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He’s been in the hall the whole time.”
“I’m sorry. We thought he went to sleep.”
“He was there?”
“Of course. He came here to get drunk after your broke up with him. He’s heartbroken, Kath.”
He wasn’t the only one.
“Jimmy’s getting dressed now. He’ll come get him.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I will be. I hope.”
“I think you should step back and reconsider. He really loves you.”
There was that word again. Love. Love wasn’t enough, no matter what people said or what everyone was taught as a child. “I know. I’ll talk to you later.”
Kathy disconnected, powered off her phone, and pulled the blanket over her head. She didn’t want to hear Jimmy’s arrival or the fight that would surely follow.
* * *
Kevin pulled his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them. At some point Kathy would come to her senses and open the door to let him in. Even if it was just because she felt sorry for him or because she was embarrassed that he was sitting in her hallway drunk, she’d let him in. Then he could really talk to her and make her understand.
They were supposed to be together. They loved each other. He knew it. Why didn’t she? You don’t fucking walk away from something like that because it got hard.
He heard the exterior door open and close with people coming and going to enjoy their weekend. He should be enjoying his, not sitting drunk on a stinky carpet.
Suddenly a shadow loomed over him. “What the hell is it about the O’Malley boys needing to be drunk and stupid over a broken heart?”
Fucking Jimmy.
Kevin looked up at his big brother. The man who always had his life together, who always knew what he wanted and got it. The guy who never fucked up. Jimmy crossed his arms over his broad chest.
“How did you get here?”
“Don’t worry. Didn’t drive. Called a car.”
“Good to know there’s still a little brain function in there.” He held out a hand. “Let’s go.”
Kevin shook his head. “Not leaving.”
“You can’t stay. She doesn’t want you here.”
“She’ll come around.”
“Even if she does, it won’t happen tonight. Not like this.”
Kevin put his head back on his knees and curled his hands on the back of his head. He didn’t want to hear this.
Jimmy sat on the floor beside him. “What did she say?” he asked.
“She knows I didn’t cheat on her. But that’s not enough. She’s so afraid I will that she’s quitting.”
“Damn.”
“As soon as things get hard she runs away. She won’t stay and fight.”
“Maybe that’s a sign, man.”
“I can’t give up.”
“You can’t make her want this either.”
His stomach roiled with the alcohol and stress. “She does want it. She just doesn’t know how to
