“Robbie, I get it,” he says, putting on his serious face. “You love Melanie.”
“I do.”
“And you’re always going to. I don’t blame you, either. She’s an amazing woman.”
“Exactly. Thank you.”
“But she moved on.”
My chest tightens. “No, she didn’t,” I say.
“Think about it, Rob. Last night, she was alone in her apartment. She was working on her book, possibly on a very sexy chapter considering the genre she writes in.”
I shrug. “Yeah, so?”
“So… she’s a single woman sitting at home all alone, thinking about sex, and she texted a man who wasn’t you.”
I raise a finger. “But it is, though.”
“She doesn’t know that.”
“On some level, she does.”
Roger sighs at my desperation. “I think it’s time—”
“No.”
“— for you to consider the possibility that—”
“Stop.”
“— you and Melanie will never get back together.”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“Rob.”
“You weren’t there the other night,” I argue. “The things she said to me—”
“While she was wasted?”
“In vino veritas. She wants to make it work. I know it. I just have to be patient and let it happen.”
He swishes the coffee around his mug. “Well, buddy, I think you’re setting yourself up for a lot more of that big, dumb heartbreak and you’ll end up right back where you started.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I say, annoyed. “I’m not taking relationship advice from a guy who thinks choking is first base.”
Roger sits back. “Oh, so that’s how it is?”
“That’s how it is.”
“I’ll just go fuck myself, then.”
“You do that.”
“It’s certainly more action than you’ve gotten this year.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
We both fall silent. Our gazes retreat, avoiding each other for as long as possible. My anger simmers quickly, though. I was never mad at him.
It’s the truth that bothers me.
Has Melanie really moved on?
Will all of this be for nothing?
I can’t let her move on. I don’t think I’d survive it.
I look at Roger as he looks at me.
“Was this our first fight?” I ask, breaking the silence.
He nods sadly. “I think it was.”
“I don’t like it.”
“Me neither.”
“I’m sorry, man,” I say.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“Let’s not do that again.”
“Agreed.” He smiles. “So, when is that party?”
I roll my eyes. “Thursday night.”
Roger leans back, his eyes looking more sinister than usual. “I will be there with balls on,” he says.
“Bells,” I correct.
“I said what I said.”
I laugh as I finish the last drops of my coffee.
Eleven
Melanie
Derrick placed his hands on Cady’s shoulders.
“Derrick,” she sighed, “don’t—”
“Shut up,” he whispered. “Just shut up, for once.”
She closed her mouth, locked somewhere between fear and desire.
“Now you listen to me,” he said, keeping her pinned between his chest and the wall.
The cursor blinks against the white page as I catch my breath. I’ve been sprinting for hours, my fingers starting to get that gentle ache in the joints, but I don’t want to stop. Ever since Robbie sent me his notes, I’ve been attached to my keyboard just like…
Just like old times.
Just like the long-gone days of the two of us lying in bed together, me reading out loud from my manuscript while he acted it out, making me laugh louder than I’ve ever had before in my entire life.
“I don’t like you,” Derrick said. “Hell, I flat-out despise you, but I can’t get you out of my head.”
“Let me go…”
He held tighter. “That’s the thing, Cady. I can’t. I can’t let you go. I’ll never let you go because without you I’m nothing. I know that now.” He leaned in closer until their lips barely touched. “Don’t you ever just want to go for it again?”
I freeze, my fingers hovering over the keyboard. A wave of deja vu washes over me, curling around my stomach like a damn noose.
Don’t you ever just want to go for it again?
I re-read the line over and over again. I’ve heard it before. No…
I’ve said it before.
My stomach churns from the memories flooding back.
Arguing at the bar.
Riding a cab home.
Stumbling up the stairs and getting into bed.
With Robbie.
Don’t you ever just want to go for it again?
My mouth sags. I said that. I put my hands on him and whispered and touched my mouth to his cheek… but Robbie told me nothing happened.
You know I do, Mel.
But I’m not that guy anymore.
I hold my breath. I remember everything. I remember it all with perfect clarity. I came onto him and he rejected me. He forced my hands down. He turned away and got off the bed.
Because he’s not that guy anymore.
I set my laptop on the coffee table to keep it from sliding to the floor. I look outside, shocked to see the night sky hovering over Chicago. How long have I been sitting here?
I stand up, eager to move and shake off this memory.
Maybe Robbie has changed. I couldn’t see it before, but it was right in front of me the whole time. For so long, he was nothing but a drunken, horny, pathological liar. I clung to the positive things. I tried to save my marriage, no matter how hard it was, because everyone else saw his positives. His wit and sense of humor. His charming smile. They never saw the sides of him I did. Robbie was unreliable and irresponsible. There were nights of utter helplessness that left me empty and broken. He would just… shut down when I needed him the most, expecting me to fill the void.
I stare out the window at the city lights. It’s snowing again, covering the world in a light dusting. This was always our favorite weather. There was nothing better than getting snowed-in together… until the whiskey ran dry and Robbie sobered up and I was suddenly… unimportant.
But he’s not that guy anymore, right?
He came to help me when I needed him this time. He got me out of the cold. He took me home. He made sure I was put to bed safely without claiming what he easily could have taken. I practically gave myself to him, but he didn’t give in.
Not even one kiss.
I lick my tingling lips. I can’t be thinking what
