“No!”I say and shake my head.
Hisshoulders drop. “Hmm… all right, you can tell me later… but tell me in time tochange it if it’s something bad, okay?”
In time to change it…
Howcould this be changed?
Pain.
Again.
Deepin my chest, bringing tears to my eyes.
Itry to fight it.
What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
It’slate afternoon. The others are talking constantly, excited to be returninghome. J and I are silent. He keeps holding my hand, keeps glancing at me everyfew seconds.
What can I tell him?
Idon’t have to.
Hewill see it soon enough.
Aswe approach the village, the group begins to realize that something isdifferent.
Thereis a lot of commotion. Many people are on the ground, standing in the open fieldwhere the bonfire was. They are clearly expecting our arrival. As we comecloser, my nanoprobes notify me that there are many faces I haven’t seenbefore. Human faces. The new arrivals are talking to the villagers.
Theyall seem – joyous. Carefree.
Itlooks like a moment of true happiness.
Except for me…
BecauseI have seen what will happen next.
Andthere was nothing I could have done to prevent it.
Ilook down at my hand in J’s, as he pushes forward like the rest of the group,eager to find out what has changed.
Then– I release his hand. And he doesn’t notice. He walks on ahead, and Ifall behind. The villagers walk forward to meet us. Theirvoices are mixed-up as everybody tries to explain what has happened.
AndI look at this firework of joy and feel like an outsider.
Analien.
ADescendant.
Iturn my head a bit to look at several more people joining the gathering.
Andthat’s when I see her.
Curly red hair.
She’sbeautiful.
Shekeeps turning, stretching her neck, looking throughthe crowd. She is searching for J.
Imove a step backward, trying to distance myself and my feelingsfrom what is about to come.
Andthen she sees him, her lips spreading into a broad smile,she pushes ahead and starts to run. She’s coming from his side, so he doesn’tsee her yet. She hugs him tightly. He turns to look at her, speechless and pale.She’s still holding him, not letting go. Realization finally sinks in, and heturns to her and embraces her in a strong grasping hug.
And keeps holding on.
Everythingis silent for me now. I know there are sounds, laughter, cries, and shouts.
ButI can’t hear any of it.
Iam hollow.
AsI retreat back into my safe Senthien, my Human sheds tears to see me go. And criesfor a life that could have been.
Chapter 25
Myfeet are bare on the ground. Earth, a patch of grass, somefallen dried leaves under my feat. I walk. I can see green all aroundme. It calms me. I just walk, my thoughts drifting aimlessly.
ThenI stop.
Infront of me is a tree. Thick, with a smooth brown-beige crust reaching up highbefore the first branches start.
Aroundthe bottom of the trunk there is another plant, growing tightly around it. A brightgreen plant hugging the large tree with many fingers… trapping it with its grip…closing on it…
Icome close to the tree and touch it with my palms. My nails are lightly green, thesame shade as the bright green of my eyes.
Ilower my gaze to the bright green plant crawling up the tree.
Yes, the same color of thisstrangling plant.
Ilook up at the tall tree.
Ineed to let him go.
I will let him go.
Andthe pain deep inside my chest pushes out the tears I was fighting against. Theyflow like a stream down my cheeks, blurring my sight, soaking the dry earthnext to the tree with salty drops.
I’msobbing.
Icannot stop.
Ifold the soft beige dress, and place it on my bed, gently brushing my handagainst the fabric. I leave my hand there for a moment, half bent over the bed,clenching my teeth and fighting tears.
Iremember my mother telling me something: she said that there is no reason to beafraid if there is only one choice to be made. And there is no other choice butto leave.
Iclose my eyes, heavy tears drip onto my folded clothes.
What other choice could there be?
Istand up, swallow, and slowly open my eyes. I let out a deep, long breath witha deliberate attempt to calm myself. And it works.
Ibreathe in again and empty my mind.
Ihear footsteps coming over the bridge and recognize Tania’s gait. She knocksquickly and enters without me answering. I turn around. She looks at my eyes,then my skinsuit, and then my eyes again. She tilts her head and narrows hereyes.
“Dora…are you going somewhere?” Her voice is higher than usual.
“Ineed to collect specific information from some locations outside the village.My E-band is fully functional now, and I can collect the data.”
“Data?What data? Why do you want to do that now? And why are you wearing yourskinsuit?” She shakes her head while piling up her questions.
“MyE-band functions optimally when connected to the skinsuit.”
Tanialooks at me without saying a word. Then she lifts her head slightly and says,“Should I still call you Dora, or do you prefer Dana now?”
Iopen my eyes wide. My Senthien is speechless and my Human feels hurt.
Fora moment, I fear that all the emotions will pour back, making me soft,powerless, and vulnerable. I relax my shoulders and breathe out.
“OnEarth, as I have learned, the first name is the preferred calling name. I wouldstill like to be addressed as Dora. Thank you for asking.”
Taniasighs and comes close to me before I have time to move backward. She holds me bymy shoulders and looks into my eyes. Her close proximity is uncomfortable.
“Dora,I know… I can imagine how you feel… I really can. But—” She stops andcloses her eyes for a moment. “Please, don’t do anything that you might regretafterward.”
Shelooks at me and I can feel the emotions behind her words. For a moment, I amtempted to put my Human in front of my Senthien, but I realize that I can’t. Notif I am about to do what I had planned.
Itake one step backward. Her arms remain frozen in the same position as when sheheld my shoulders, as if unable to believe my reaction. Her eyebrows fold, andshe drops her arms again.
“Thereis
