Tania’sshoulders drop a bit and she whispers, “All right.”
Sheis silent for a moment and then she says, shaking her head, “I never expected …I don’t know how this—“
“Ido.”
Shelooks up. “You do?”
“Usingmy E-band, I sent a power surge to your installation. This also initiated thede-freeze of the second batch.”
Shekeeps looking at me, not saying a word.
Itake a deep breath and slowly say, “I… brought her here.”
Welook at each other for a long moment, and then Tania says, “I am sorry, Dora. Ireally am. Take the time you need, but let’s talk once you are back, okay?”
Inod.
Sheturns away to leave but then swings back quickly. “Don’t go too far from thevillage… please.”
Iforce a smile. “Okay.”
Shewalks to the door but turns to me once again. “And don’t go swimming anywhere!”
Ialmost laugh. “Agreed.”
I will miss her.
Shesmiles back and turns around to walk through the door, but bumps into J. Theylook at each other, neither of them saying a word. Tania shakes her headslightly and straightens her body.
Ihave the feeling that she is trying to communicate something to J withoutsaying a word. J turns to me and looks up and down at my skinsuit. Then, openinghis mouth slightly, he looks back at Tania.
Ileave them to exchange their nonverbal communication and walk to the table. Ihave four small sticks of bread that I push into the thigh pockets of my skinsuit.I take the flat leather water bottle and hold it in my hand for a second,looking down at my skinsuit. I wish I had a suitable pocket somewhere on me. Ibend down and strap the bottle securely to my thigh.
“Thatwill not last you longer than a day, you know.”
Iturn around. Tania has left and J is standing calmly, blocking the exit of mycottage.
“Iam aware of this, Jonathan. I do not need supplies to last me longer than aday.”
Heswallows, and I can see that his calmness is leaving him.
Hesteps closer, and I move backward.
Hisbreath catches in his throat as he stares at me.
Thereis a long moment of silence while I fight the urge to run to him and hold himin a strong embrace and never let go.
ButI don’t.
Becausethis needs to be his decision.
“Isthere something that you wanted to tell me, Jonathan?” I say, and I can feelthat I’m hoping for an answer I want to hear.
“I’msorry, Dora,” J says and deeply bows his head. “I am so sorry.”
Andthe sharp pain pierces straight through my rib cage, bleeding my heart. And fora moment, I cannot take a breath. My throat is shut, and I can’t even begin tocall out for my Senthien.
Ican’t see J’s face, but his shoulders are shaking.
Heis crying.
“Monica,”he whispers. “She… she doesn’t know… for her it has only been two days since welast saw each other. This is where I was nine years ago. I can’t… I can’t…” Andhis voice fails, tears streaming down his face.
Imake a deliberate effort and walk over to him. I place my palm on his face,wiping away tears on his cheek.
“That’sokay, J. I understand. You need time.”
Helooks at me intently with a question in his eyes and then nods slightly. “Yes,time. I need time.”
Thenhe suddenly takes me in his arms and hugs me so tightly that my ribs hurt. Westay like this for a very long time, and I am tempted to change my mind.
Thenhe lets me go, takes a deep breath, and looks at me.
Hiseyes narrow slightly and he asks in a stronger voice, “Are you… are you all right?”
I am—shatteredin pieces, J. “Yes, I am fine. Takeall the time you need.”
Ismile, but he still looks serious. I wonder for a second if my words didn’thave the right intonation to sound like a truth.
Henods, lowering his gaze to the floor, and I realize I am getting impatient toleave.
“Iwant to use the daylight.”
“Yes…I see… all right.”
Hestarts turning, but then stops and asks, “Do you want anyone to accompany you?Someone who knows the area, so you don’t get lost?”
Ilift up my forearm to show him the E-band screen. “My E-band works properly again.I won’t get lost.”
“Oh,right. Well, don’t go too fa—never mind.” He looks at me and attempts a smile.“You’re self-sufficient. You can take care of yourself.”
Iclench my teeth. Self-sufficient. And alone.
“Yes.I can take care of myself. Always have.” Andalways will.
Helooks at me and frowns, sensing a hidden meaning behind my words.
Ilook down at my skinsuit, checking that I have everything I planned to bring.
“Iwill see you later,” I say with a confident tone, then loop around him and leave.
Chapter 26
Myskinsuit seems tight and gripping to my body, and I make exaggerated movementswhen walking to release the pressure, but the pressure stays. I lift my leftarm to look at the screen, walking in the direction theE-band is showing me. The scan I did for a natural porting field resonator resultedin specific coordinates on the Earth’s surface. Comparing these coordinates to themap my nanoprobes compiled while traveling with Stevanion, I assume this is theplace where Stevanion and I ported to, and where all other Jumpers arrived aswell.
Icontinue walking.
Fernsslide and gently touch my legs, but I can’t feel them; my skinsuit completely blocksphysical contact. I look down at the plants.
It’s better this way.
Still,I brush my open palm against the ferns as I walk, the soft leaves tickling andstroking my skin. I keep looking at these green fountains around me, coveringthe moist brown soil and giving way to the tall, broad, curved trees, theirfirst branches starting high up the air. I look up at the crowns of the trees,but walking in this position gives me a slight neck ache.
Icontinue to be amazed at this world, this wealth of green and blue that Humansdecided to leave.
Ibow my head, realizing that I am about to do the same.
Ilift my arm again, checking the way, and then change my direction just slightlyto follow the map.
Whatam I going to do?
Wheream I going to go?
Idon’t know, but I can’t stay here.
Not here.
Jhas what he’s wanted for a long time. And I’m
