Her thoughts drifted from one thing to another, settling on her son and finally on his father. Did Jack Robinson ever wonder about her? Did he ever regret what he had done? Why had he behaved in such a manner if he was already planning to marry someone else?
She gave a deep sigh. His actions didn’t make sense. He had always been friendly towards her when they were young, but never especially so; she suspected that like her he might have been shy. So what had got into him as a young adult to make him so shameless? Could she ever forgive him? Would she ever forgive him?
I don’t know if I can, she thought as she rose to her feet; and yet – and yet … She looked towards the altar and felt her throat tighten and tears begin to well. I have a son whom I love dearly. Without him I would be nothing, just an empty shell, and in spite of my present dilemma I wouldn’t, couldn’t, ever imagine a life in which he did not exist.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Jenny wrote back to Delia, congratulating her on her decision to visit her parents and suggesting they travel together on Sunday. She would write to her mother to tell her they were coming.
I realize it won’t be easy for you, Delia, but I feel that you are right and that it is time you grasped the nettle. Even if nothing is resolved, you will know that there is no need to hide away any longer.
Easier said than done, Delia thought on reading her friend’s reply. I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the week until Sunday. Giles had not yet returned from York so she couldn’t talk to him, and when she asked Mr Rogers when he was expected back, he told her that he had received a telegram to say that Mr Dawson would be away for an indeterminate time. ‘I have brought in a replacement violinist,’ he told her.
Strangely, she found some relief from her anxiety when she was singing, particularly as she was hidden in the wings and not on stage; there she was able to soothe her own apprehension by imparting more pathos and emotion to the Cinderella role. Her sincerity shone through, and during one interval Miss Stannard sought her out, finding her sitting quietly having a cup of coffee. ‘Oh, Miss Delamour, you have such a beautiful voice,’ she said. ‘It made me cry, just in the right place. Thank you so much.’
Delia smiled and thanked her for the compliment. It was certainly much easier to convey great joy or sadness from the wings than it was to show it on stage in front of an audience.
Sunday morning she dressed carefully, wanting to create a good impression on Mr and Mrs Robinson and show that she was neither a frivolous theatrical performer who had abandoned her child without a thought, nor a ruined woman with no means of looking after him. She chose her ankle-length navy blue fitted tunic dress with its high lace-edged collar and flounced hem, and only a small bustle; over it she wore her grey woollen coat which for the winter season she had trimmed with a fur collar, one she had found some years ago in a haberdasher’s shop. Her fur hat was trimmed with velvet, and looking in the mirror she saw a respectable young matron.
She met Jenny at the Maritime Hotel, and they walked together to the Paragon railway station to catch a train to Hedon.
‘It’s a fine morning,’ she said nervously as they went. ‘The walk to Paull should be pleasant enough.’
‘Oh, I think my father will probably meet us in the trap,’ Jenny said. ‘I hope he will, anyway; it will give us more time to talk.’
Delia turned anxious eyes to Jenny; she hoped Jenny wouldn’t try to take charge. This was her predicament and hers alone, and she must explain in her own way her reasons for leaving Jack with the Robinson family.
Jenny must have understood Delia’s expression and immediately apologized. ‘I’m sorry, Delia,’ she said. ‘That’s what comes of being a teacher. You become used to being in control and saying what should be done.’
Delia gave a sudden laugh; she recalled now how she had always followed in Jenny’s shadow, trusting that whatever Jenny said or did would be right. ‘No,’ she teased her. ‘It’s not just since you’ve become a teacher. You were always confident, and if you said that black was white I believed you.’
She tucked her arm under Jenny’s. ‘I always trusted you. But now it’s my turn.’ They turned on to the station concourse and headed for the platform where the Hedon train was waiting. ‘I must decide what to say and do. I’m so glad of your support, Jenny, and I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve already done to help me.’ She took a breath. ‘But it’s my life and my son’s at stake and whatever the outcome of this meeting, I must make the final decision.’ She turned to her friend. ‘Tell me that you understand.’
Jenny nodded. ‘I do,’ she said, ‘and I don’t mean to meddle.’ Her lip trembled and Delia knew that Jenny, who
