"I've always wanted to own a house," Arlene said, the tentative smile had grown wider as she listened to Joe talk. "I never thought I would live anywhere except that crummy apartment. If I never own a house I guess that would be fine with me, as long as I never have to live in that dump again."
Joe was nodding his head as she finished speaking. "I know what you mean. I had a crummy little apartment in Watertown, New York. I used to take all the overtime I could get, so I wouldn't have to go back to it too soon. I really hated it, I mean totally. I saved a lot of money, not that it would do me any good now, but I had this dream of buying some land and building my own house. When this is over that's what I would like to do. Just find a nice place and build a house. Maybe have some cows, I don't know much about cows, but I could learn. I guess that sounds kind of stupid, but it really is what I want to do, and if I make it through this in one piece, I'm going to."
"It doesn't sound stupid to me at all," Arlene said, "in fact it sounds like a good plan, a good dream to hold on to. I've never dared to dream. I guess you know what I did for a living. Women like me don't have many dreams, and if we do they die pretty quickly. I'm not making any excuses, and I'm not really ashamed of how I lived. I really didn't have many choices. It seems now though as if I do. I guess now its okay to dream. You think?"
"I think so," Joe agreed. "I mean if you can't dream, what's the use, right?" she nodded her head as if to say yes, before he continued. "I believe in God, Arlene. I mean I saw him, and... Well, for me that made up my mind that there could still be hope. I guess I always did believe, not like a fanatic or anything, I always thought that was a lot of bull. But more like just trying to not hurt people. Even if they used or hurt me. Harm no one that is how I try to live my life. I guess it's like, I live my life, and you live your life. You believe what you want, and I'll believe what I want. You see?"
"I do," Arlene said. "I guess I'm sort of the same way. A lot of the girls I used to work with thought I was nuts too, you know, to even think I was worth something. I guess I do believe, and probably always did. I just never admitted it to myself. I always tried to live without hurting people. I was getting pretty bitter though, I have to admit. I just saw too much that didn't make any sense to me, and I could never understand why, if there was a God, he would let so much bad exist. I guess though, if people want it it's going to be there. People thought I was bad, but I never really dared to look at myself. I guess I was bad, to a certain extent, but what was I supposed to do?" she seemed pensive.
"I had family, but...well, you know I guess. I don't want to get into that. Suffice to say I couldn't be with them. So I was on the street, and I had to live. I prayed. I prayed a lot, but God never seemed to hear me. I guess I just gave up. I lost a lot of friends on the streets. It's sort of like a family, I don't know if you can understand that, or not, but it is. We all tried to watch out for one another, but it didn't always help. When you live your life that way, you can't expect to get any help from the cops either. I guess I just tried to stay alive from day to day." She had lost her smile as she spoke, replacing it with a wistful pursing of her lips and a sadness that sat deeply within her eyes.
Joe nodded his head and they both fell silent for a few seconds.
"Arlene," Joe said. "It really doesn't matter anymore. I'm the last guy who would ever think of judging you. Believe me. I've screwed my life up so many times it's not funny. As far as I'm concerned what you did, you had to do. It doesn't make you a bad person at all, and it doesn't have any bearing on who you are now. I mean that sincerely."
Now it was her turn to nod her head. She hadn't realized it, but his opinion mattered to her, and what he said allowed the small smile to re-surface on her face. She had told herself that she didn't care what he thought about her, but she knew even as she told herself that, that she was wrong. It did matter. It mattered a great deal.
They walked together to the back of the garage, and pushed up the steel overhead door. It took a few minutes to move a couple of the cars out of the way, so that they could drive the pickup out of the garage and into the lot behind the dealership.
Joe drove the truck across the grassy back lot, and stopped at the rear
