‘Why what?’
‘Why I hated myself even more when I found out later that she came back.’
Blue eyes found mine. ‘She returned?’
‘For unannounced visits. She’d breeze in, drop off presents, then breeze out again. Or so I was told.’
‘Maybe she wanted to reconnect?’
I shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t know. She never asked for me. She knew where I was but she never came to see me in school. She never reached out. It was almost like... I was dead to her. And that made me angry, Jensen. Angrier than I’ve ever been in my life.’
‘That’s understandable. She hurt you.’
‘Yes, she did. But was it enough for me to wish her dead? Because that was exactly what I did. I wished her dead, and a few months later she died.’
The cold jagged pain of that admission froze me from the inside out.
I barely registered Jensen twisting around, his strong arms lifting me off the sofa and into his lap and wrapping around me. The tightness in my throat unravelled, dissolving into hot, gulping tears that shook the very foundations of my soul.
Through it all, he held me close, running his fingers through my hair and down my back without saying a word. When I was wrung dry, he brushed a kiss against my temple.
‘You were heartbroken and lashed out. That makes you human. If wishing ill on someone actually guaranteed a desired result, my father would’ve been six feet under the first time I saw bruises on my mother and little sister. Life doesn’t work that way, kæreste. Sometimes the assholes who cause pain get to live long, hopefully miserable lives.’
I raised my head, saw my pain reflected in his eyes. ‘Your father?’
He nodded. ‘I don’t know where he is, but only because I’ve never bothered to find out. The third time I stood up to him, he went out drinking and never returned. So you see, I was responsible for driving my parent away too, but I don’t regret it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I wanted him gone with every fibre of my being.’
I remained silent, unable to do anything but absorb his warmth, his sheer perfection. With his lips still trailing down my face, he reached for the box of tissues sitting on the coffee table.
I plucked out a few, blew my nose and scrubbed away the remainder of my tears. I didn’t feel whole, would probably never be whole again, but I felt less...tormented, less burdened. The fact that it was Jensen who’d done this to me, for me, triggered a whole new layer of panic. The weight of what I felt for him terrified me. Everything I’d dreamed of had broken up beneath the pressure of my yearning.
Like a butterfly held too tight, I tended to crush the wings of things that were precious to me. And he was fast becoming precious, right up there with things I didn’t want to lose.
Which brought its own bracing demand. What right did I have to him?
His lips drifted down my cheek, lingered at the corner of my mouth, and I conveniently sidestepped the questions teeming inside. ‘I look a mess.’
He kissed me firmer, his lips more demanding. ‘No, you look beautiful.’
Blind panic made me turn to him, seal my lips against his. I didn’t want to hear the words. Didn’t want to open my heart to a promise that would never be fulfilled. The contents of my mother’s letter blazed through my mind, reminding me that I wasn’t enough. I would never be enough.
His arms tightened around me, his eager lips surrendering to mine as I deepened the kiss. I wound my arms around his neck, repositioned myself so I was astride him on the floor. The blanket gaped open and his hands slid beneath, gliding down my side to grip my hips, hold me close as we leaned into the kiss.
Between my legs, he was rock-hard, a thrilling reality, a consuming storm I could drown in, forget about my emotional turmoil. I shrugged off the blanket completely, my fingers dancing down his muscled chest to stroke the bulge that promised oblivion.
‘Fuck me, Jensen.’
He shuddered against me. Then he pulled back, just enough to meet my gaze. ‘I’m dying to, min elskede, but we don’t have a condom down here.’
I didn’t want a reprieve from this madness; didn’t want time and space to thrust me back into the emotional grinder I’d just been through. So I took a breath. ‘It’s fine. I...’ trust you. I barely stopped myself, my heart lurching wildly at the dangerous words I’d almost uttered.
I’d only known him a matter of days. This was the proximity talking. We’d been cooped up in this cabin with no other outlet than to fuck and bare ourselves to each other. I was letting my emotions get carried away. Another mistake I’d regret if I didn’t rein myself back in. ‘I’m on the Pill. It’s fine.’
His eyes lingered on mine, delving beneath the matter-of-fact words to find their true meaning. I rocked my hips over him, and the distraction worked like a charm. His fingers tightened on my hips and his gaze fell to my breasts. With a deep groan, he dipped his head and sucked one nipple into his mouth. I clutched him to me, throwing my head back in wild abandon as I drowned in the unique passion he invoked.
This was...should be...just sex. Good sex I was in danger of sullying with emotion.
Again my heart shook at the half-lie, another fastening tearing itself from my control. It was almost as if it wanted to free itself, soar where I couldn’t allow it. I couldn’t risk the responsibility of him, couldn’t risk turning another person against me.
Thankfully thoughts ceased to matter as ecstasy took over.
He bent me backwards until my hair brushed the floor. Then he rained kisses down my
