Cainus led the group to another room. “Here they are, Your Majesty,” he said. “Some of them, at least.”
The room contained the mummies of Pharaohs, princes and queens.
What’s she up to now? Bab wondered.
The Pharaohs were on display in glass cases. The mummies were black and brown, their wrappings dry and brittle-looking. Ancient skin stretched tight over the bones of their faces. Amazingly, a couple even had decent teeth.
Don’t tell me she means to bring all these royal mummies to life.
The Unpharaoh floated about the room, pointing at each Pharaoh in turn. “Merneptah. Never liked his attitude. Ahmose-Inhapy. What a sad sack! Who’s this one? Ah yes, Ramesses the Second. Pee-eww, even mintier breath than Ramesses the First. And lookie here, it’s Tutankhamen! Spoilt little brat.”
“It sounds like you made a lot of friends in the Afterworld, Andica,” said Prof Sharkey, trying to sound cheery. “If you like, I can show you how to make the most scrumptious cup of tea. And when you pop back there, you’ll be a right royal hit!”
She gave the Unpharaoh her most winning crooked grin.
The Unpharaoh glared at her sister. “As always, Shoshan, my ideas are better than yours.”
Bab raised his hands. “Please, Unpharaoh. If you’re thinking of bringing these Pharaohs back to life as your slaves . . .”
“Haccch! How little you understand, boy. Bringing them to life is the last thing I want to do.”
She raised a prickly finger to her nostril.
WUMP!
She blasted a fireball straight at the glass case that held Ramesses the Second. It smashed in a deafening shower of shards and the mummy exploded into flames.
Bab and Prof Sharkey covered their faces, but Scaler and Prong were too shocked to move and ended up studded with bits of broken glass.
“How satisfying,” the Unpharaoh said. She gave a ghastly groan that Bab thought might be a sigh of relief. “No more minty breath in the Afterworld.”
WOMP!
She fired a blast at Ahmose-Inhapy. The ancient queen’s mummy erupted in orange flame. “So long, sad sack,” croaked the prickly sorceress.
“Stop this!” Bab shouted. “You may not think so, but these mummies are great treasures. What’s the point of burning them?”
“It is not only the people of this world I shall destroy, Bab Sharkey. I want the Afterworld to myself too. Why should I share it with a pack of partying princes and faffing Pharaohs?”
“Of course,” said Prof Sharkey in a horrified voice. “The akh is linked to the mummy. You destroy the mummy, you destroy its spirit in the Afterworld.”
“What!?” spat Bab. “You mean you’re obliterating the spirits of the Pharaohs by burning their mummies?”
The Unpharaoh gurgled hairily. “And that is only the beginning. I shall track down and burn every mummy that remains on earth, leaving the Afterworld empty. It will make the perfect holiday home when I desire a break from the Real World. Why have only one empty world to myself when two is twice the fun?”
Again, the Unpharaoh blocked a nostril.
“Beard, shove a cotton bud up her nose!” shouted Bab.
Fuppa-foop!
His Cotton Beard snaked forwards and plugged the Unpharaoh’s open nostril. Her scarlet eyes widened in rage. She released her nostril to clutch at the Cotton Beard, trying to pull it out.
Bab concentrated, pushing hard. The end of his beard emerged from the Unpharaoh’s other nostril. She went cross-eyed and gave a mighty sneeze.
WUMP!
A sneezy spray of fire jets and electric sparks tore through the cotton plugs as if they were nothing. The hot spray shot around the room in a spiral of orange and blue. Part of it blasted Merneptah, wiping his spirit from the Afterworld forever. Bab shielded his eyes as glass sprayed everywhere and the mummy erupted in blinding fire.
Foop! went the Cotton Beard, retracting onto Bab’s chin. He roared in frustration, casting his eyes around the burning room.
They were completely surrounded by flames.
How do we get out of this burning circle? Bab wondered. Every time I use the Cotton Beard, the Unpharaoh puts a stop to it.
But his mum seemed to have an idea. “Andica,” she said. “Don’t you wish you and I could go back?”
The Unpharaoh shot a sharp look at her sister. “Back? Back where?”
“To when you and I were little. Before the jealousy. Before the purple magic. Remember how easy things were before you had to be in charge? We used to play in the papyrus garden together, just two little girls making up stories. Singing and painting and dancing.”
“How could we possibly go back there?” asked the Unpharaoh quietly.
“By simply letting go. Forget about being the best, Andica. You have a family here, you know – I’m your sister and Bab is your nephew. And Scaler and Prong, well, if you forget about turning them into your slaves, they make the best friends in the whole world.”
“They sure do,” said Bab.
“You see, Andica,” the Prof continued, “the key to happiness is not to be the best, or the only person left. Look around you. What makes everyone else happy? Happiness is about joining in with others, not ruling over them.”
“Mum’s right,” Bab added. “It’s easy, too. If you just join in alongside everyone instead of fighting them, we can all live happily together.”
Prong wiped her eye with a wing, sniffing. “What a touching scene,” she honked. “Please join us, Unpharaoh. I’ll even make you an honorary Cotton Beard auntie!”
The Unpharaoh shuffled right up to Prof Sharkey and stared into her eyes. “I would love to join you, sister.”
The Prof beamed. “You would?”
“But I cannot.”
“Ah.” The Prof’s face fell and her wiry hair flopped.
“Your memory of our days in the papyrus garden is different to mine, Shoshan. For me, that time was bleak and miserable. Every time I succeeded, someone else would push in front. You, most of the time! You, always picking up praise from our
