“Those are what I’m best at,” Hazel announces. “Although I’m flexible.”
I can’t decide if her presentation is a train wreck or a porn manual. It’s definitely the most unique pitch I’ve ever heard. I gesture for her to move on to the next slide because I suspect that if we don’t, she’ll either review the list out loud or propose a demonstration.
Hazel points to a new slide labeled Traction. “The Hazel-and-Jack product already has some traction. The Saturday-night kiss proves we have chemistry and that there’s market interest, although you may want to conduct some A-B testing.”
I blink. “Are you telling me to go kiss another girl?”
“I’d be the better kisser.” She says this with the utmost confidence.
Which is still sexy.
Robert knocks on the door and I jump, then give serious consideration to throwing myself over the laptop. When I motion for him to come in, he cracks the door just wide enough to stick in his head. He nods at Hazel politely before focusing on me. It’s suddenly 110 degrees in my office.
“You have the Salas Group in five minutes.”
He withdraws, shutting the door behind him.
“I’ll wrap up,” Hazel says. I catch a glimpse of slides outlining the business model, financial forecast and potential other investors in our hookup. I don’t want to know. She stops on the final slide. Usually, the people pitching us end with a thank-you slide. Sometimes they throw in quotes from other investors or industry experts about how fabulous they are. Hazel has included screen caps of texts from previous boyfriends.
Attesting to her abilities in bed.
Does she screenshot all her text messages?
“Well?” She beams at me as only Hazel can.
Am I supposed to clap? Whip out my dick? Call down to Legal and have them write up a contract? Because that feels a little too Fifty Shades of Grey to me.
“I’ve never been pitched quite like this,” I say cautiously. She wants to be friends...with benefits.
“Knee-jerk reaction?”
This is familiar. I shoot to my feet because I do my best thinking on my feet. “Not a chance. This could never work.”
Hazel promptly steals my chair. Her fingers tap out an impatient rhythm. “List the cons. One minute—go.”
If she insists. I grab a dry-erase marker and stride over to the whiteboard. When I turn around, Hazel’s stolen my chair.
Reasons Why Jack and Hazel Could Never Work
1. Dirty little secrets suck
2. We see each other every day
3. We’ll never leave work
4. People will question our judgment
5. Someone’s gonna walk in on you bent over my desk and there will be questions
That last one doesn’t quite fit and the words trail up the side of the whiteboard, but the point has to be made. Hazel cranks her head to the side, reading along.
“Do you only do it bent over the desk? I could be on top. We could do it cowgirl style in your desk chair.”
She’s completely, totally unrepentant. “This is our office.”
Hazel looks me in the eye. “I won’t make anyone here uncomfortable. No one will have to choose between Mom and Dad when we stop having sex. And I won’t back your crap deals just because you have a pretty face.”
I scrub a hand over my face. Robert knocks on the glass wall again and makes an urgent wind-it-up gesture. I’m behind schedule. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“We could not do it at work.” Those are Hazel’s eyes watching me. They look into mine before traveling over my face and down my chest. Pink flushes her cheeks. Maybe I’m not the only one who feels slightly off-balance here.
Or not.
She crosses one leg over the other. “There are no legal reasons why your penis and my vagina should be off-limits to each other. In fact, there’s only one reason that matters. Do you or do you not find me attractive?”
This is not about whether or not I think Hazel is hot. All I want is to not screw up our working relationship. Considering how much is on the line here, she should be grateful I want to do the right thing.
I open my mouth to point this out to her—she can thank me later—but she’s already off and talking.
“I find you attractive.” She gives me the sort of look I imagine a surgeon gives a body on an operating table right before he dives in and starts slicing. “You have a nice set of abs, you’re tall, you have big hands. The blond barbarian look works for me in general, but I can rank order or call out specifics if you want.”
I debate sitting down before I fall down, but Hazel’s in my chair and the only other spot to sit is my desk. I hate it when anyone sits on my desk, as it messes up my stuff. Plus, that would put me far too close to Hazel.
Who is looking at me as if she’s sizing up a display of chocolates. Or chips. Or maybe the meat counter. When did she even notice all this about me?
“Now do me,” she says. And then sticks out her tongue. “Not like sexy do me. I can’t help it if your mind lives in the gutter.”
“You’re the one who brought up sex.”
“Take a look.” She gestures at her boobs...and lower. Her grin has my dick standing at attention in my pants. “Tell me what you like about me. If you need an icebreaker, I’ll point out my favorite parts.”
I tear my gaze away from her boobs. I do not need Hazel playing show-and-tell in my office. She watches while I try to pretend she hasn’t knocked me for a loop.
Hazel thinks I’m hot.
“Look,” she says impatiently. Her right foot is swinging like a metronome. “We’ve covered the fiasco that is my dating life. My sex life hasn’t been any more successful, and you’re clearly experiencing the orgasm drought, as well, so I thought we could help each other
