1, 2, 3… another 10
1, 2, 3… another 10
Mother reaches out to help
glances at the chains of cranes, asks,
there’s an order?
my fingers
my hands
my brain
have found an order
by color or design
and
by number
but I tell her,
not really
anything is okay
Shadow pats the air near the end of the chain
don’t you dare
Mother tries to get him interested in the toy she made
he is not interested
she ties the shredded crane to the end of the string
give him his own so he’s not tempted, she says
it works
he plays
rests
then
sits beside me
19:43
blinking
still
21:19
blinking
20 CRANES
DAY 14
05:28
05:32
05:43
work life continues
Father leaves for the office
Mother leaves for relief centers
08:48
so cold and cloudy
I stay at the table
08:56
or under it
in the mailbox
I am so happy to see
an envelope from Yuka
tucked inside a folded paper conceals
a seed
a sunflower seed
a note says
she will bring more and
help me plant them before school starts
clutching the seed
I imagine
these cheerful golden flowers
in Great-grandfather’s field
tracking the sun
cleansing Earth
brightening us
I place the seed in front of me
as I fold cranes
Shadow pats at the seed
I shoo him
he bolts
my mug is airborne
I reach out
no!
tea splatters
the mug hits the wooden floor
one shard breaks off
lands near the whole
I cradle the piece into the other
shocked
and sad
no tears come for this broken gift
I shout,
nothing in this house
broke
in the big quake
and then you come
you mess things up!
I dab the floor with a tea towel
Shadow sits by the door
wanting outside
for the first time
since he came inside
I let him out
not wanting to see him again
12:58
I am
14:03
alone
17:20
Shadow’s not here
21:06
and stays gone
25 CRANES
DAY 15
02:08
04:17
07:07
a nudge from the south
is Earth spinning?
I cannot tell
is the ground moving?
the pendant light and the quake map say no
my head is full of swirls
I open the door
on my way out to the fields
Grandmother is there
holding Shadow
she says he was restless all night
Shadow jumps from her arms
and heads to the gate
I ask her to come inside
I show her my mug
this can be repaired, she says
I follow her to the shed
Shadow follows too, but
does not step inside
he stands at the door
Grandmother digs past tools
looking for a box
with materials to repair
a broken dish
with gold
she gives me an overview
of what she learned
I hesitate, saying, but…
she says,
better for you to repair it
but
step by step
first step—
file jagged edges
to deepen and widen
the crack
so
resin will hold
she shows me
watches me
steps back
this is how she taught me to make cranes
as a preschooler
showing me
step by step
watching me
step by step
leaving me
alone with the paper
but being present with encouragement
under her watchful eye
I file
the broken pieces
she praises my work
Shadow watches from the door
we break for lunch
before we part
she invites me in to see
her favorite white teacup
she repaired
many years ago
my fingers glide over the gold splintered lines
a plum branch, we say together
I am a part of the history of this teacup
I was the one standing at the shed door
I don’t remember Grandmother being mad at me
later
Shadow sits at the shed door
Grandmother slides open a window
wind whips through
we snap on plastic gloves
she uncaps the jar of resin
dips out a portion
taps it onto a cardboard square
drips water droplets
over it
mixing and releasing
a smell that sickens me
takes my breath away
makes my head spin
I hold my breath then
breathe
in
out
in
out
through my mouth
she brushes a dab onto an edge then
hands me the brush
careful
lacquer resin blisters skin
I brush resin
onto edges
and fit the pieces together
the mug will rest with wet towels inside a box
for a week
a week?
it takes time, she says
but Earth…
she tells me,
you will start over again
bringing the pieces together
until they hold
I walk out to the fields
Shadow follows
I breathe easily again
Great-grandfather unfolds plastic
to cover a seeded row
I take one end
the wind catches it
the starling flies up from behind
oh!
he flies away
but
he will come back
to find a way under the plastic
17:45
Shadow does not show up for dinner
20:36
he is gone
20 CRANES
DAY 16
Mother boils kelp
for iodine
to drink
even though
they’re saying radiation levels are okay down here
she signs up for iodine pills through the US Embassy
in case things get worse
Father wakes up happy
his day off is sunny
but after breakfast
instead of going out to the fields
he decides to go off with Mother
to help her
gather and donate
I go out to check the mug
Shadow is sitting
at the shed entrance
at his feet
the starling lies
limp, lifeless
dead!
an earth-shattering cry rises
from my rib cage
a cry worthy for
the last bird on Earth
Great-grandfather hears it
comes running
sees what has happened
takes a breath
and says, that’s a cat
Great-grandfather suggests letting Shadow have the starling
sees my shattered face then
shows me a place at the wall
where the field meets the garden
Shadow follows us
Great-grandfather helps me bury the bird
we bow our heads
in silent prayer
he gathers his tools
and heads out into the field
I follow
and sit
looking out to birdless fields
later
Father joins Great-grandfather in the fields
works until sunset
19:18
falls asleep early
19:42
from the sliding door
Shadow watches me
fold cranes
Mother lets him in
says she doesn’t know but thinks
the bird was a gift
—but—
that cannot fix anything
40 CRANES
DAY 17
04:52
I am not happy Shadow is in the house
he will not go outside
he knows I won’t let him back in
I go out
in the shed
I open the box
the broken piece has shifted
out from the mug
the resin is soft enough
to ease it gently
back into place
I pack it away
I stay away from the house
and
join Father and Great-grandfather
in the fields
12:20
I work all afternoon in the field
after tea and dinner
19:23
I stay at the table
Shadow keeps an eye on me
I keep an eye on him
while I fold
