“I’m really sorry about the room.”
“Logan, don’t be. It’s not your fault. Besides, it will be fine,” she shrugged. It would be fine. It wasn’t as if Logan had any feelings for her. And she didn’t harbor any sexual feelings for him, either. They were friends. Friends that would act like adults and share a bed.
No big deal.
“Ready?” Logan opened the door to their room and ushered Gabriella in ahead of him.
“It’s beautiful. Oh my gosh, look at the little tea set. I love it. And the views!” She walked over to the window and peered out to the city. There was a lush green park sitting in between various buildings of all heights. One building had a soccer field on top, complete with AstroTurf and goal posts. In the opposite direction she could make out the numerous tracks and large building which obviously was the train station. It was all so magical.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Logan’s quiet voice near her ear made her still. She could feel the heat from his body warming her back. If she backed up, just one step, she would be plastered into the length of him. She could barely see their reflection in the glass, could make out Logan’s features and see that his eyes were cast down, watching her.
She knew he was talking about Tokyo—at least that’s what she told herself—even though he was watching her, but his words and his gaze on her made her shiver anyway. It was a surreal moment—like she was window shopping—looking through the window to see what the couple would do next. He stood stoic behind her and all she could see of his body was his face, neck and part of his grey t-shirt that covered his shoulder.
She swallowed down the strange sensation she was feeling in her tummy and finally answered him. “Yes, she is breathtakingly beautiful. When do you have to meet Hiroshi? Do we have time for a short walk to go explore?”
She felt Logan’s heat evaporate from her backside the second he walked off. He sat down on the bed they would be sharing—something she tried hard not to dwell on.
He checked his watch. “Not yet. I need to go meet him downstairs in the restaurant. Would you care to come with? Are you hungry? Hiroshi would love to meet you.”
“No, I’m okay. You go. I’m going to freshen up and maybe when you come back, we can go look around.”
“Dying to be a tourist, are we, Cinderella?” he pinched her cheek. “I don’t think I will be long and then we can explore to your heart’s content.”
“Okay,” she kicked off her shoes. “See you soon.”
This may be more than she bargained for. Was Ginger right? Did Logan have deeper feelings for her than he let on? She didn’t think so. How could they be close friends for so long and only now develop feelings for one another? Had she brought this on when she propositioned sex? It was true she trusted Logan more than any man she knew. Maybe they should reconsider her idea—she wasn’t even sure she knew how to enjoy sex. After she had gotten pregnant, she had no one to turn to.
She had been ashamed.
She had been shocked, in denial, and scared out of her mind. How was she ever going to be Gabriella Crawford and not Tammy Crawford, if she was already pregnant right out of college? She had kept it a secret—from Brandi, all of her friends and family. She had been especially ashamed to admit it to Logan. At the time, she was afraid he would judge her and would try to talk her out of her decision. Because Logan was a family man—he loved his family, he wanted children eventually, and she had been afraid that if she told him, he would try and convince her to keep the baby.
He would judge her for not wanting it.
That was something she couldn’t bear to deal with—she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bear to listen to him convince her to keep the baby and she couldn’t bear to keep the baby and risk becoming Tammy Crawford. Absent Mother Extraordinaire.
It had been a simple choice really. An abortion. What other choice did she have? She couldn’t possibly walk around pregnant for nine months only to give the baby away, especially because she had started her new job. She couldn’t afford to give that up.
It had been the darkest, most desperate days of her life. She hadn’t been able to sleep or eat. Literally, everything she ate had come back up. She didn’t have the wherewithal to continue in that condition for another seven months. She avoided everyone she knew, including Logan, for fear he would somehow notice she was pregnant. In hindsight, she realized how dumb that was but at the time she had been a terrified twenty-two-year-old who didn’t know which way was up.
She’d scheduled the many appointments she would need in order to get the scheduled abortion. Her tests showed she was exactly ten weeks’ pregnant. However, the night before her appointment, she had had a miscarriage. She’d awoken to massive cramping and back pains and when she went to the bathroom, there had been a lot of blood. She had been terrified and the doctor at the Emergency Room had confirmed what she’d suspected. It had been a miscarriage.
The ordeal was enough to close her off from most of the world for the following week. She had avoided Logan, as well as Brandi and Marilyn. She had stuck to her stance she’d made in high school and vowed she would never have children. She would never be dumb enough to trust someone completely to hold that fate in his hands.
So, she avoided sex. Being somewhat involved with the chef was an easy relationship because he was just as busy as she. If
