Poison had ranked high on his list of possibilities, and it sounded like a tidy way to go. For his second suicide, Fingit procured a large quantity of Black Aftershock, the most virulent poison in existence. One good thing about godhood is being hard to elevate by natural means. But that can sometimes be a bad thing, since Fingit required two gallons of Black Aftershock to do himself in. The stuff tasted like dung, smelled worse, and made him belch like nobody’s business. After one suicide by poison, he tossed that method into the waste bin.
On day three, Fingit went with a straightforward hanging by neck until elevated. He found it unutterably prosaic, but it was simple, quick, painless, quiet, and private. He did suffer a stiff neck in Unicorn Town, and it felt creepy to cut down his own dangling corpse each morning before breakfast, but he figured you can’t have everything. He had hanged himself to reach Unicorn Town these past two mornings, and he had experienced a satisfactory elevation both times.
What’s keeping Sakaj? She wasn’t joking when she said there’s not a single thing to do here.
Fingit flopped down to sit on the dark but healthy grass, stuck his legs out straight, and pointed his feet. In another few moments, he had kicked off his sandals and was wiggling his toes. He noticed that one of his divine digits had a hangnail, and he grunted in disgust.
Sakaj faded into existence, lying collapsed across the grass with her eyes closed. Several of her ribs protruded from her torso like legs on a crab, and her breastbone sounded like a harmonica when she breathed. She opened her eyes and looked up. Before Fingit could say anything, she raised her hand. “Don’t ask.” She rolled to her knees and began clambering upright, snapping a rib with her elbow as she stood.
Fingit shrugged and rose, snagging his sandals on the way up. The unwithered grass felt like little kisses between his toes. “I haven’t been able to see anything. I think it’s going to take the two of us again to get anywhere with this.”
Sakaj scanned the sky and chewed her lip. “Let’s focus on your little one. He hasn’t found the Murderer yet, and I’m worried he’s been eaten by a bear or fallen in love with some farm girl. We’ll find him. After all, these are just people. It’s not as if they have flying chariots or anything.” She winked.
Fingit clamped down on an angry reply. If I ever again talk to a god who doesn’t mention Lutigan’s grunt-humping flying chariot, I’ll buy him a drink and give him a mirror that shows other gods naked.
Gritting his teeth, Fingit grasped the hand Sakaj offered and felt grateful that she had a hand for him to grasp. Yesterday, she’d committed suicide by throwing herself into the gates that guarded the Gods’ Realm, the Inviolate Gates of Eternal Compassion. They had turned her into something like the consistency of dumplings and had mashed off her arms. Fingit had to clasp Sakaj’s pulped foot. It had worked, but it was disgusting and just looked stupid.
Sakaj and Fingit merged toward unity of thought and purpose as they reached out to sense the would-be sorcerer’s presence.
“Go left,” Sakaj murmured.
“I don’t think so.”
“Definitely left. Trust me.”
Fingit squinted at her. “That’s what you said yesterday, and we ended up in a volcano.”
Sakaj twisted and poked Fingit with one of her protruding ribs. “There was interference. And the signatures are very similar!”
Fingit hissed. “Let’s try fifty-seven degrees to the right then.”
Sakaj snapped, “We’re not cutting a piece of metal here!” She muttered, “Engineers…”
“Just go right, you spiteful hole!” Fingit yelled.
“Fine!” Sakaj roared, and the sky swirled before settling into a view that shot across the mountains.
“You’re going too fast,” Fingit muttered.
“Well, slow us down then, you whiner.”
“You are so hard to work with,” Fingit whined.
“Hah!”
The view zipped along for a minute.
“Wait! Wait! Wait!” Fingit bounced up and down twice. “I feel something!”
Sakaj gritted her teeth and helped Fingit slow the view.
“Just a little right,” Fingit whispered. The view edged right and flew across several miles of featureless, rain-soaked mountainsides and grassy valleys.
“Stop!” Fingit and Sakaj yelled at the same time. Within moments, the Unicorn Town sky displayed three people in a small building of stone and timber.
“I see him!” Fingit tightened his grip on Sakaj’s hand.
“I see them both. He’s sitting right next to the Murderer!”
Fingit dropped her hands. “Oh, great. We should’ve just looked for the Murderer instead of yelling at each other.”
“All right, just relax. Try to call the boy.”
Fingit stared at the dripping boy and invited him to chat. Then he begged for his attention. He threatened the boy with curses upon him and everyone he knew if he didn’t respond. He pretended to ignore the boy, and then suddenly screamed to shock him into attentiveness.
“Still nothing.” Fingit shook his head after a few minutes of effort.
“Maybe you’re doing it incorrectly.”
Fingit waggled his head at Sakaj as he mimicked her. “No, I’m not doing it incorrectly!” He made an obscene gesture up at the boy’s image. “I’ve tried everything! I can’t get him to listen.”
“How the mighty have fallen…”
Bitch! Just ignore her. All right, I can’t make him listen, but maybe I can listen to him.
Fingit stared back up at the sky and began relaxing one muscle at a time, letting his mind float up into the air. After a while, he heard rain on a wooden
