Fingit grimaced. “No. I wouldn’t trust him to spit if a dead mouse was in his mouth. Are we stuck with this Murderer? Aren’t there any other sorcerers around?”
“Ah, that brings me to the Freak, one of my daughters. She is flitting around within one thousand miles or so. I had almost emptied her before the Veil fell. It was such an artistic endeavor to twist and pound her from a mincing girl into an iron bar. And that is the center of all this. The Freak has one more thing to offer me, something huge, but I need leverage. I need your help, darling fellow, and I will reward you for providing it.”
“No. No, no. I think you’re insane, and I’m going to tell Krak about all of this.”
“How will you find him? I can just leave you here if I wish.” Sakaj purred like a cheetah. “You will be nothing more than a head for the rest of eternity. By the way, has your nose started itching yet?”
Damn, damn, damn it! It’s itching now. “Fine. I’ll listen, but I’m not promising anything.”
“Of course not. Now, wait just a moment.” Sakaj closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. The stars above them smeared, swirled, and whipped into a new pattern. “Please observe that repulsive boy tottering along that wet path. His entire being cries out to become a sorcerer. Even though he and I share little synchrony, a month ago I shooed him like a dim chicken toward the Murderer.”
“Why not toward the Freak?”
“He already wanted to find the Murderer. The idiot has traveled every direction except the correct one. Had I not pointed him the right way, I suspect he would have perished before he ever found the man.”
“Krak’s ass, he’s ugly. Like he was cursed by a witch and then hit in the face with a wagon.”
“Well put. The boy always fiddles with things. Not that. Clothing, sticks, mud—just about anything. He might like to meet you.”
This is the first new human we’ve found to hoodwink since the Veil fell, and I’m the one who gets him? This is the luckiest thing that’s happened to me in… ever.
“Here’s my proposition,” Sakaj said. “This little boy is too young to give us much power. Not enough irony and pain in his life yet. But you get him started, and then we’ll orchestrate an opportunity to drain the Freak of her final reservoir. Then you and I will defeat Cheg-Cheg, rip apart the Veil, and enjoy our rewards as the greatest heroes of all time.”
She must think I’m dumber than mud. I’ll just say yes and get home. Then Krak will fix all this. “It’s a deal. Let’s get started tomorrow.”
“I’m so happy you agree!” Sakaj giggled. Fingit wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Sakaj giggle.
The fool sounds as if we’re going to a party together.
Sakaj said, “By the way, if you’re thinking about betraying me, remember that I can arrange to bring you here whenever I wish, and I can choose to leave you here. I might also have you elevated by an avalanche or by Cheg-Cheg’s thunderous foot. Existing as a severed head would seem like a birthday party compared to eternity as a layer of paste.”
Five
(Fingit)
Fingit rubbed his neck and gazed at the stars swirling in the hollow black sky above Unicorn Town. It was as if mankind’s existence were being swallowed up by the gluttonous universe. Currently, the window onto mankind showed nothing but ferocious rain engulfing a trail through a muddy mountain valley. He didn’t know how far the valley extended, but it was monotonous enough to make a sheep drown itself out of boredom.
Now that Fingit met Sakaj every day in this place beyond elevation, he had taken to calling it Unicorn Town. He did it to aggravate her, since she’d had him murdered in a horrible fashion by Lutigan, and since she was threatening to trap him into boredom for all eternity.
Fingit grasped his jaw and adjusted his neck, producing several echoing pops.
Maybe I should find some other way to elevate myself.
Sakaj had sworn to Fingit that elevation was an integral part of the process to reach the Dark Lands. Also, she needed to be near him when it happened. Yet she had been unable to reliably elevate both Fingit and herself at the same time and place every day. It required more ingenuity than either of them had expected to pull it off consistently. It certainly required more than Sakaj could summon while she ranted and ate bark and danced around in the Gardens of Abstruse Reflection wearing nothing but live turtles.
After the third day of failure, and the third day of being slaughtered by Cheg-Cheg, Sakaj gave Fingit the secret of reaching Unicorn Town. She did not, however, explain how to escape back home.
The fully revealed method of reaching Unicorn Town disappointed Fingit rather a lot. The complete process was holding Unicorn Town in mind as he was elevated, and he had expected something a bit more arcane. Regardless, in order to reach Unicorn Town, Fingit now needed to exterminate himself each morning before Cheg-Cheg arrived to slaughter each and every god he could find and send them to the Dim Lands.
Sakaj was toad-licking mad in the Gods’ Realm, and her demented mind forced her to elevate herself in a different manner every day. Fingit wasn’t insane in the Gods’ Realm, however, so he could commit suicide the same way every day if he wanted. Like a true engineer, he devoted a lot of thought