But why the angst? Why can’t I let go? This obsession has to stop. He felt a bead of sweat trickle beneath the curls on his temple, and he brushed the drop away.
The choir rose and the singers filed out one by one. Matt stretched to see one more glance of her before he snuck out the back. A large mound protruded from her midsection, and it took a moment for his mind to catch up to his eyes. Anna was very pregnant. His heart slammed inside his chest and thoughts tumbled chaotically over each other. Whose baby? Is it mine?
Of course, the baby was his. Anna was not the kind of woman to sleep around. The fact she had ventured outside the boundaries of her beliefs even for one night had clearly upset her. He could not forget the guilt etched on her face the morning after and the way she could not look him in the eye. She had feigned a headache and whisked him out the door.
The choir filed out from a side door and made their way to their seats. Anna floated down the aisle toward him. He’d never seen anyone radiate such beauty, she had that natural glow pregnant women so often carry. Her dark hair bounced free over her shoulders and flowed down her back. Fire ripped through his heart at the memory of it tangled beneath his fingers, and he had to will himself back into the present as she slid into the seat halfway down the sanctuary.
She was far enough along. Every moment, every day, of the last eight months had been grueling, and he didn’t have to do the math. Anna was carrying their baby. His baby. The thought jumped inside with a jolt of excitement … a baby. He was going to be a father. The gift this child would bring in connecting their lives together made his heart do back flips.
Had God allowed these circumstances in which to draw their lives together? He remembered his desperate prayer for an opportunity in which to win her love. Why did I feel so compelled to see her? Was this a coincidence or an answer to that long-forgotten prayer?
No, I can’t dismiss the facts. God did hear. And not only did he hear, but he presented the perfect opportunity. Matt felt a stir of something undefined touch his heart. He shifted in his seat and stretched his neck from side to side.
But why would she keep a thing like that from me?
Ahh, yes. I always told her my life was wrapped up in medicine, and considering our last conversation where she admitted she still loved Steven, she wouldn’t want to pressure me out of a sense of duty.
Matt’s heart rate settled into a steady rhythm. He imagined his conversation with Anna. He would reassure her that she didn’t have to raise their baby alone. Had he known, he would’ve been there all along. From experience, his last mistake reminded him to take it slow and respect whatever relationship she allowed.
With lots of time to think in the past eight months, Matt had concluded that when a spouse died, the surviving spouse couldn’t, nor shouldn’t, turn off years of memories and love. He somehow needed to convey that he had no desire to remove Anna’s past, he just wanted to be part of her future. She could go on loving Steven for the rest of her life, as long as she could make room for the here and now.
Hope lit a candle in the pitch-black recesses of his soul and his heart. A world of possibilities flooded in.
Not a word of the sermon computed until the very end when the pastor called the congregation to pray. His ears perked. He wanted to know how to say a proper thank you to God for this huge miracle.
“Dear Lord Jesus, we come before you now and bring the sick and the needy.”
“Our dear Rose is in the hospital just days from meeting you, Jesus. Hold her close, oh Lord, and be with her family. To say good-bye to this dear soul will be difficult.
“We also bring Emily and Bill’s daughter Ruthie to you, Lord. You know, dear Father, how she has chosen to live far from your ways but how she is not far from your love. Please bring her home, dear Jesus, bring her home.”
Scattered amens sprinkled from all corners of the church spilled out.
“And, oh Jesus, lest we forget dear Anna. We cry out to you, Lord, in the name of Jesus and ask for the healthy delivery of Anna and Steven’s baby—”
Matt never heard a word after that. His blood ran cold, and a spike of anger rode his spine from top to bottom. A muscle in his jaw clenched, and he bit down so hard he could taste blood in his mouth. He rose from his seat and strode from the building in a rage. A blind fury made his world swim in darkness. He was not sure how he drove home, but there he sat in the garage unable to think straight. He slammed the dashboard with his fist.
How could she call herself a Christian and be so deceitful? There was not a chance in heaven or hell that the baby was Steven’s. He clenched his teeth and bit back a blast of fury. They both knew that Steven was physically incapable. Anna’s cover-up wouldn’t work with him.
He cursed. He hated Anna. He loved Anna. No, he hated the fact he loved her.
Her betrayal cut deep. He had placed her on a pedestal, set her up as one to emulate, only to find that she was more fallible than he cared to admit. Pain clawed at his chest.
He slipped from the car and slammed both the car and house door and threw his car keys across the room.
He dropped his body to the couch and reminded himself to face this disappointment like all others—with
