Rita cupped both sides of Anna’s face in her wrinkled hands. “I’ll sum it up for you, my dear Anna, start with accepting God’s forgiveness, and then ask forgiveness of Matt. After all, he’s your baby’s father, and a good relationship between parents is crucial for the child. The Lord will lead from there. Now let’s pray.”
Rita wore a smile as colorful as a rainbow after a storm. And when Anna gathered her purse and sweater and headed to the door, she was sure she heard Rita say, “Lord Jesus, am I done now, because I really want to see you?”
A few steps down the hall, Anna wheeled around and marched right back to Rita’s room. She opened the door and said firmly, “God said no.”
Rita’s loud cackle echoed down the hall.
For the first time in months, Anna could both pray and pick up her Bible without guilt. She scanned through the stories of God’s forgiveness wrapped from the beginning of time all through the sacred pages. The story of Adam and Eve unfolded in a new light. Their disobedience and then lies to cover the sin sounded much like her life in the past months. She read of David’s adultery, murder, and lies to cover the truth, and Peter’s lie of betrayal when Jesus was arrested. The stories had one reoccurring theme, sin, lies, forgiveness, and restoration.
But before she talked to others, she wanted to fully accept God’s forgiveness and acknowledge all. This meant a trip back to that night. Where she had previously stifled all memory, the Holy Spirit guided her toward complete honesty.
“Oh, Jesus, I wallowed in a pit of fear concerning my future. Instead of turning toward you, I turned to self-pity.
“I allowed Steven to become a distant man, rather than fight for more in our relationship. In truth, I protected my heart. All those close calls over the years left me emotionally exhausted.”
I know my child.
“By the time Steven passed away, I had cried so many tears for so many years, my grief was done. But oh, how I played the mournful wife card to perfection. Sympathy fed my soul until temptation brought something more powerful.
“I was angry, God, at the loss of Steven’s health and the life I imagined we would have together. I was ripe for the picking. Agitated. Angry. Alone. A perfect set-up for the perfect storm. That’s how Matt found me that night.”
Yes, my daughter, let truth in.
Anna’s hands fell over her face as a truth she had not previously allowed flooded through her mind.
“Oh, God, I opened my heart to Matt … before Steven died.” This admission burned a hole in her heart, and she dropped to her knees in humility.
“I looked forward to Matt’s attention like every other woman—attracted to his startling good looks—without a doubt.
“Though I never overtly gave free passage to these feelings, God, I opened the door to a friendship with a level of intimacy that should’ve been reserved for Steven. In truth, I had more connection with Matt most days than I did with Steven in a week.”
Anna felt the tears course down her cheeks, but stayed on her knees. There was more … much more.
“God, when Matt arrived that evening sporting a virile masculinity with warmth and compassion, I ate it up. Flesh and blood rather than faded memories … Yes, I loved the delight of pleasure and sensation I felt in his arms. I initiated that first kiss. My hands were the first to creep under his T-shirt and bring flesh against flesh.
“When Matt suggested we stop, and I felt the kick of his heart beneath my wandering fingertips, I reveled in the power of that moment. I pressed my body closer, and moved against him in a message of encouragement older than time. In truth, God, I let pleasure rule though your Spirit screamed out otherwise.”
Anna shuddered as a large piece of suppressed truth crashed in. Their time had not been just one passionate moment of unbridled passion. They had enjoyed a night together. The coupling of body, mind, and soul included words of endearment and sleep wrapped tight in each other’s arms. Curled against him, they had slept until the first blush of dawn with morning kisses taking them away yet again. Anna’s cheeks burnt hot at the recollection.
The memory she constantly referred to in her mind as one act of indiscretion, in reality had been a decision on her part to make the most of their night together. Not once in her selfishness had she given thought to how her behavior would affect Matt. Her need, her want, was all that mattered. She had drunk fully from the cup of passion.
“Oh, God, I finally understand how that choice now brings pain for all involved. I’m not the only one affected. The fingers of my failure fan out and pull in Matt, my family, my friends, the church, but most importantly … you, Jesus.”
Anna could feel the sorrow sweep in like a thick wave. It picked her up and wrapped her in its folds. Does redemption truly cover all?
Yes, it does my child.
“Oh, God, you see all. You hear all. You know all. I openly confess to you what I couldn’t face a week ago when I prayed with Rita. Please take every dark corner, expose each lie, and renew a right spirit within me. Purify my soul and take these lips that have dripped lies and fill them with truth. Give me courage, oh Lord, to stand in the heat of disclosure, no matter how difficult my life may get. Thank you for your sacrifice, Jesus, so I can stand pure and forgiven before you no matter what people may say. Amen.”
Wrapped in a cocoon of peace, Anna rose from the floor and flopped onto her bed. She slept soundly that night for the first time in months.
Upon waking, one clear instruction from the Lord came to mind. She
