I should’ve known better though.
When it comes to Sebastian Matvei, he makes me feel, whether I want to or not.
I almost ask how he found me, since I never told him I was moving to another state, but then, I remember Ava, trying to tell me something earlier today. I know she was trying to warn me, and it’s possible she’s the one who told Sebastian where I was, too. I’m not upset with her about it, but now, I wish I wouldn’t have hung up on her. Letting out a sigh, what’s done is done, and now, it’s time to figure out why he’s here.
Standing inches away from him, I swallow hard, as I ask, “What are you doing here?”
He looks away for a moment, and I’m glad for the reprieve. His gaze is still intense as hell, so it’s a good thing he broke it first. “I’d like to talk, if you’re free.”
I suppose I could lie to him, and tell him some excuse, so he’ll leave. However, as my heart races faster and faster, I realize I don’t want him to go just yet. “Yeah, sure. Do you want to come inside?” I ask, as I point towards the door to my apartment.
With his nod, I turn, and then unlock the door. Walking inside, I glance around, wondering what he thinks of my new place. It’s barren, just like my soul. When I moved here, it never felt … right, so I never took the time to decorate or make it my own. It has everything I need, so I felt that was good enough.
It just shows me once again that I haven’t been living life at all for the past six months.
Pushing away my depressing thoughts, I set my purse and keys down on the small table by the door. “Do you want something to drink?” I don’t dare glance at him, because I don’t fully trust myself. It’s so easy to fall back into old patterns, and a part of me, does want to fall to my knees for him.
But I can’t let myself do that.
“Water is fine,” he says, and I quickly grab two bottles from the fridge.
Without thinking, I open the first, take a drink, and then hand it to him. I don’t realize what I’ve done, until after he takes it from me, and then clenches his jaw.
Fuck.
This is going to be harder than I thought.
Shaking it off like it’s not a big deal, I ask, “So, what did you want to talk about?” I try to sound nonchalant about it, but deep down, my stomach is starting to churn. My nerves are rising higher and higher, and no matter how many times I tell myself to stay calm, my damn body refuses to listen.
Sebastian isn’t making things easier either. He takes his sweet time, as he looks around my new home, and then walks over to the couch. He sits on the armrest, but he has yet to utter a single word. It seems he’s trying to drag things out on purpose, and it shouldn’t surprise me. He’s always been like this, especially when he and I first met.
So, of course, he shocks me, when he finally asks, “Why did you leave?”
I’m so caught off guard by his question that I stay silent for a long while. I don’t know what he wants me to say, so I try to down play it. “I needed a change,” I state with a shrug of my shoulders.
He nods, takes a drink of his water, and then claims, “You’re a horrible liar.” Frowning, I start to argue with him, but then he adds, “If you wanted a change, then why move to Chicago? You could’ve moved to another city, and got a job there, but instead, you moved far enough way, that you knew no one would come looking.”
“Not to mention, you just up and left without telling anyone,” he tacks on with a hard tone of voice, and my stomach drops, realizing how bad this conversation can go. “So, do me and yourself a favor and tell me the truth.”
Shaking my head, I set my bottle of water down on the counter, as I utter, “I don’t know what you want me to say, Sebastian.”
“The truth, Trixie. Why is that so hard for you?”
“I’m not lying. I did need a change, and I’m sorry you can’t understand that. So what, if I left without saying goodbye. You’re the one that told me to leave. So, why do you care so much about how I live my life?”
As he stands, he claims, “Because I still fucking love you that’s why, and I never thought you would just up and try to disappear on me. If anything, I thought you would take a few days to figure things out, and then we could’ve worked through things.” He shakes his head, before adding, “Instead, you literally abandoned everyone, including me.”
My breath leaves me in a rush, and I stand as still as a statue. I’m not sure how to respond. Not to mention, how to even think of his confession. The longer I don’t say a word, the more I understand what’s going on here.
He’s here to bring me back, and I’m not ready.
“Look, I appreciate you coming all this way, but I can’t do this,” I say, but hate the way my voice cracks. I want to be stronger, but the truth is, I’m heading down a path that’ll lead to nothing but more pain.
But Sebastian isn’t interested in listening to me.
“It took me one day to realize what you were doing, and as soon as I figured it out, I went looking for you. Do you have any idea what it felt like to find out you’d left? Your apartment was empty, and
