Then there was Rob. He had some really messed-up ideas about whether he deserved her. It wasn’t as if he needed to win her over, like some knight in shining armor. He’d been a Marine, like Trevor. The two of them had fought together, lived together, and then, Trevor had died.
It suddenly hit her. Did he blame himself for Trevor’s death? Maybe he thought there was something he should have done. Was it survivor’s guilt? That might fit. Was that at the core of his PTSD?
She shook her head, trying to banish thoughts she wasn’t able to figure out. She’d have to wait until he talked with her about it. Would he ever confide in her about what he was going through? God, please help him get better. Trevor, help me be patient and understanding, she prayed. The combination of God and her guardian angel made her feel less worried.
She looked at her watch, relieved to see that it was nearly time for lunch. As she microwaved her frozen meal in the break room, she heard the front door open, and peeked out to see who it was.
Rob. She gazed at his face, eager for a sign that would tell her how his counseling session had gone. He smiled and winked. Her heart rate sped up. She gestured for him to join her. When he did, she closed the glass door for privacy.
“How did your appointment go?”
“It went well. My counselor is a former soldier deployed to Iraq during Operation Enduring Freedom. He suffered from PTSD, too, so he knows what it’s like from his own experience. He thought it was fine for me to know more about the condition, so I’d love to have you help me find some resources. I’ll meet with him once a week for the next twelve weeks, talking about what happened and changing how it has affected me. I’m not sure how it works, but today wasn’t nearly as bad as I was afraid it would be.”
She smiled at him, her pounding heart settling back into a normal rhythm. “I’m so glad, Rob. I’ll help you find some information about PTSD.” Ignoring her lunch in the microwave, she led him back out to the front desk where she searched the library’s computer for “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Military.” She grabbed a pen and a slip of paper to write the seven titles and Library of Congress numbers for their location. “Follow me,” she whispered as she headed toward the stacks on the other side of the room.
She consulted the paper and led Rob down a long aisle to a section toward the middle. She gestured up to the second shelf. “Here you go. They’re right here in this section.”
She stood there as he scanned titles and reached up and took one down, riffling through the contents. She reached up and grabbed one of the other books. “This one looks like a self-help book, so it’s written for people who suffer from PTSD, as opposed to a psychology textbook.” She handed it to him, and he checked the table of contents.
“This one doesn’t seem as daunting as the first one.” He looked up and read titles of two other books, pulling them down one at a time. “What do you think of this one?” He showed her a thick book with an officer in a dress uniform smiling back at them from the back cover. “I like the fact that somebody in the military wrote it.”
“Yes, I think referencing something written especially for people who have served in combat is a good idea. Although PTSD occurs with other types of trauma, too, this will be more relevant to you than a book about PTSD in rape survivors.”
Rob nodded. “I’ll start with these two.”
“Now you’ll need a library card. Luckily, I can vouch for the fact you live in Ridgeview County.”
They walked back to the main desk, and she gave him a form to fill out. When he finished, she entered the information into the computer, and had the machine print out a small plastic card with his name and a bar code on it. She scanned the books and handed them over. “Two weeks,” she told him as she handed him the books.
“Thanks for all your help, MJ. It’s been awhile since I researched anything. Hopefully, learning about this will give me more of a handle on it.”
She nodded and smiled at him. He seemed fully on board to master the PTSD, and she felt more hopeful than she had last night.
“I’ll take off now. I’ll see you tonight. Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?”
“Sure, although, I could cook something.”
“No, I want to go out and celebrate the first step in my recovery.”
Chill bumps slid down her body. “I can get on board with that. I know going to counseling wasn’t easy.”
“No, asking for help isn’t something I’m used to doing.” He looked around as if checking to see if anybody was watching. He leaned up and over the desk and gave her a quick kiss.
She felt herself heat and suspected her face was red. She couldn’t help grinning. “I’ll see you tonight.”
He turned and walked away, flipping his hand up to wave back at her.
A glow burned in her chest. Rob was a very special man.
***
When Rob got back to MJ’s house, he attached Maverick’s lead and took him into the backyard. He’d keep him leashed until they had figured
