Lexi gives a slight headshake. “Nobody’s suggesting you commit yourself to an entire happy-ever-after, hun. But a little bump and grind probably wouldn’t hurt either of you.”
I wouldn’t say Jude and I have hit a turning point, but the dynamic between us has certainly shifted. With everything that’s happened between us over the past little while, it’s become easier to be nice to him. I mean, he’s come to my rescue in more ways than one. Plus, we work out together. But we’re still definitely not in bump and grind territory. There’s still a huge, awkward elephant between us.
“Guys, Jude is Kirk’s best friend!” I object.
Lexi shakes her head vigorously. “Nuh-uh. I will not stand by and let some misplaced loyalty to your ex cockblock your sex life. Not after that sleazebag sledgehammered your heart with his little, tiny, cheating penis.”
“It’s not about loyalty,” I argue. “I told you the way Jude was back in the day. The way he tried to get between Kirk and me.” Jude’s influence grabbed hold of my ex in college, and molded him into this shitty person he is today. At least, that’s what I’ve been trying to convince myself of.
Alexia looks exasperated at this point. “Look girl, I love you so I’m gonna give it to you straight. Kirk is a major douchebag. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. People don’t turn into assholes overnight unless it was already ingrained in their DNA. I’m convinced Kirk would have reached the endpoint regardless of the negative influences in his life. You can’t blame his friend for his behavior. Besides, Jude wasn’t even around when Kirk…” She chews her lip like she doesn’t want to say it out loud. “…when Kirk left you.”
The words sting but they’re true. The events that led to my divorce were all orchestrated by my ex-husband.
Plus, Jude seemed genuinely upset by the history I shared with him about my broken marriage. It all appeared to be news to him. That confused me. Aren’t he and Kirk still close? I always assumed they were. How did Jude not know the details of our failed relationship? Did my ex-husband lie to him?
“Tell me the truth, honey. I won’t judge. Are you still in love with Kirk?” Penny asks quietly.
I pause before answering. It’s difficult to explain. “Sometimes, when I’m feeling lonely, I miss...well, I miss what we could have been. We had a lot of really good years together when we were younger. Maybe a piece of my heart still belongs to the kid I fell in love with. But that person doesn’t exist anymore, and I’ve come to terms with that. After everything he put me through, I’m incapable of loving the man that Kirk turned into.”
“So, I don’t see what the problem is,” Jessa declares.
“Well also, I don’t want my ex thinking I’m only hooking up with his friend as part of some pathetic revenge plot.”
“Kirk’s opinion is moot…irrelevant…unimportant…inconsequential…” Lexi lists off descriptors on her fingers. “Guys, I’m running out of synonyms here. Help me out.”
Penny twists her mouth to the side, fighting back a giggle. She reaches across the counter and grabs both of my hands. “And, girl, we all saw Jude’s dick print. It would be a travesty to let all that premium quality man-meat go to waste.”
15
Iris
Jude is lying on the living room floor beside me, sweaty, half-naked and breathing hard. A part of my brain screams that there should be a whole lot of orgasms going on right now.
Smothering the wayward thought inside a straight-jacket of logic and self-control, I refocus my attention on my exercise.
I silently remind myself of the reason for our workout sessions—I want to lose a few pounds and Jude is focused on rehabbing his wounded knee. None of that has anything to do with using his spectacular body to relieve my sexual frustration. I’m not going to embarrass myself by using him as a hump-post again.
He seems to be making lots of progress since we started working out together, although he still has a long way to go. Right now, he’s clearly struggling with his last few leg raises, unable to stretch his knee straight out. He lets out a groan that rouses my girlie parts.
I overlook the visceral reaction. I climb onto my knees. “Let me help you.”
“I’m fine,” he says, neck muscles tight with strain as he tries the lift again. “I’ve got it.”
“Stop putting on a front,” I tell him. “I can see that you’re not fine. Let me give you a hand.” I position myself between his thighs. I slip my palms under his calf with a feather-touch, almost afraid that I’ll break him if I’m not careful. After a pause, my roommate hesitantly resumes the exercise with my support.
I ignore the way my skin heats upon contact with his and the way his manly scent fills my head. When I offered to help him, I didn’t consider how close I would be to his body. A terrible miscalculation on my end. Because now that I’m touching him, all those panty-wetting feelings from the other night are surging low in my belly.
Fuck, the look on his face is so hot. The conviction, the determination. I can’t help but imagine him investing that kind of energy between the sheets. Between my sheets.
Since I got a preview of Jude’s cock the other night, it’s been nearly impossible to turn off those damn porno-thoughts. Right now, they’re making another unwanted appearance. But this time, I’m his co-star. We’re together. Touching and kissing and feeling each other. My mind is getting a little carried away.
“You’re good at this.” He glances at me with one of those breathless smiles.
My undersexed vagina throbs, rudely reminding me that I’m stupidly horny. Cool it, girl. The novelty of that smile will wear off soon enough. At least I hope so.
“I’m no physiotherapist, but I, uh, I’ve done a little Googling,” I say nervously. God, I hope I don’t sound like a
