She slipped her hand inside his shirt. His skin was smooth, his muscles sleek and natural, made from life, not hours in a gym. The image of Brett, her policeman lover, intruded. He’d been proud of his bulging muscles and she had enjoyed them as well until he used his strength against her. She shoved the memory aside. It didn’t belong here with Jesse, his touch gentle and sure.
She’d been with no one since and hadn’t been sure she could even feel desire again, but Jesse proved her wrong. Hunger built within her with every graze of his fingertips and the warm insistence of his mouth. She wanted this. Wanted sex.
No, she wanted him. Jesse. The man she had found too beautiful to leave to the mercy of the elements and enemy troops. The man who had saved her from White and his threats. The man she had dragged across a frigid lake and force-fed an antibiotic. The man who would give her a place in this new world—if he didn’t die on the battlefield.
The thought sobered her and the tide of arousal withdrew, like the sea creeping back to shore, dragging everything in its path with it. The country was at war. One day she might open the door to find soldiers on the porch or receive a telegram with dreadful news.
I’ll still have the money. I won’t be destitute. But she wasn’t sure it mattered.
Perhaps sensing her withdrawal, Jesse murmured something. His words were unclear, but his tone reassuring. He nuzzled her earlobe, and she shivered. Don’t think.
His lips followed the curve of her cheek, finding his way back to her mouth while his hand slid under her nightgown and cupped her breast. Her back arched. She pressed into him, loving the roughness of his palm against her sensitive skin. She felt him below, thick and heavy, as desirous of her as she was of him.
She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, skimming her nails against his back. He moaned against her neck. She reached for his shaft, stroking upwards. He pulsed under her fingers and her insides clenched.
When he touched her, she gasped. His fingers swirled in her wetness, the pressure building. She lifted her hips as he tugged at her nightgown and suddenly the heat of him was there where she burned.
He stroked her again, a lick of flame and then he pushed inside, filling her. She shuddered. It had been a while, and she was tight, if not the virgin bride he no doubt expected.
He moved rhythmically, and the tension ebbed and grew taut, drawing out in a thin line. His pace quickened. She matched him thrust for thrust, until she shattered, carried away in a rush of pleasure. She dangled, floating, from the precipice, as he followed, shuddering and filling her womb with his seed.
He lay there a moment before rolling off her and drawing her close. They were both sweating despite the chill of night. He rubbed her temple, pushing her hair behind her ear, before dropping his arm to her waist. Within minutes he was asleep. Diamond lay in his arms for long minutes before she relaxed enough for sleep to engulf her.
Fifteen
Chapter 15
They traveled as far west by train as they could. War had delayed construction, and it didn’t go all the way to Kansas City as planned. When the rails ran out, they rented a horse and buggy and drove south, hoping to avoid both the regular army and the guerrillas. Most were Rebel sympathizers, but occasionally Jayhawkers crossed over from Kansas, burning and looting farms suspected of loyalty to the South.
They passed refugees, people displaced from their homes by the fighting, traveling to St. Louis hoping to find safety.
The refugees eyed them with suspicion since they were heading south, into enemy territory. Jesse kept mostly to the truth, telling them he was delivering his new bride to his family before joining the army. He didn’t specify which army, unless asked.
Most turned away in disgust, but one man, a preacher traveling with his wife and three children, suggested they repent of their sins, return to the North, and bring the preacher’s family along with them in the carriage.
“You have your duty and I have mine,” Jesse replied.
“It’s every man’s duty to see slavery abolished,” the preacher argued.
“Our first duty is to our home and family.”
Diamond fidgeted. “Let’s just go,” she said to Jesse. Since the preacher and his family were on foot, they couldn’t catch them.
Jesse tipped his hat to the man and snapped the reins, signaling the horses to move forward. It wasn’t until they were out of sight of the man that Diamond’s posture eased.
“I kept thinking he might shoot us in the back.”
“He’s a man of God.”
“Did you see his eyes? We are on the wrong side, the losing side, perhaps the morally inferior side, but he’s a fanatic and they’re always trouble.”
“I don’t think he had a gun.”
“Good thing.”
They shared food with other refugees and Diamond knew that Jesse gave a few coins—from her dowry money—to a few of the neediest cases, but she didn’t object. Seeing how little some families had, she felt guilty about the fancy clothes packed in her new trunk.
Finally, they crossed the state border into Arkansas and eventually made it to Little Rock where the exiled Missouri government had set up headquarters. Diamond’s stomach churned as Jesse asked directions to his father’s lodgings. Jesse’s advice rattled around in her head and somewhat to her surprise, she decided it would be easier to present the facade
