“That’s it,” the operator said, “Just another hard shove.”
The pushed with all their might and the ferry broke free of the current, slipping into slower moving water. They were still being carried downstream, but not as fast and the next time they applied the pole, it was easier and they crept closer to shore.
When they drew within a few feet, the operator jumped into the water and waded to shore. “Throw me the rope.”
Jesse flung it out, and the man caught it, putting all his weight against it. The ferry rocked to a stop and then he pulled it in. There wasn’t a dock here, but Crawford’s horse caught sight of dry land and bolted free, tearing the reins from Crawford’s hands and thundering off the ferry, nearly trampling the operator in his haste to reach dry land. Crawford ran after him. Fortunately, the horse didn’t go far, coming to a stop a hundred yards from the river, allowing Crawford to capture him.
On shaking legs, Jesse turned to get his horse, but Diamond was already by his side, leading their two horses. She passed him his reins, and he walked the horse off, leaning against the animal and wishing he could just collapse.
Diamond trailed behind, her eyes worried. Would she still even want to stay married to him after this?
“I’m asking double for this,” the ferry operator said. “And they need to pay for damages. I never signed up to be shot at.”
Crawford returned with his horse walking calmly beside him. “You’re working for the war effort. Being shot at is always part of the package.”
“I’m working for the money. And if there’s a risk of getting shot, they need to pay more or find someone else fool enough to do this.”
Crawford looked annoyed, but thanked the man anyway.
Diamond added her own thanks. “We would never have made it without you. I’ll be forever grateful.”
A hint of color stole into the man’s cheeks. “I’m happy to help a nice lady like you, but you’d best be on your way. There’s another ferry fifty miles west of here, although I don’t know if it will be running.”
Jesse shook hands with the man, glad his were no longer shaking. Then the operator secured the rope to a tree and disappeared into the woods. Jesse assumed he would come back for the ferry later, after the water had receded.
“So you’ll be heading west then?” Crawford asked, a hint of disapproval in his voice. “The cause needs every able-bodied man it can get. I will go back to my regiment.”
“I’ve already asked a lot from my wife. And I’m ready to put the bloodshed behind me and make a new life.”
“Good luck to you then.” Crawford swung up onto his horse.
“Wait. I need to speak to Jesse for a moment. In private.”
Crawford nodded and trotted out of earshot.
Jesse felt almost as sick to his stomach as he had felt earlier looking down into the muddy river. Did she want to end their marriage? Would he be able to let her go? He’d made her a promise when she agreed to marry him.
“That was amazing,” she said.
Jesse fumbled to figure out what she was referring to. “We were lucky none of us got hurt.”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about how you got us across the river.”
“It was nothing more than brute force. As fast as the water was running it required the strength of two men to move the raft.”
Diamond’s lips tilted at the corners. She was pale, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair had come loose from its bindings, falling in wet rat tails around her face, but her smile was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. “I know it took a great deal of effort. I could see the two of you struggling, but I’m talking about the mental, not the physical challenge. You walked to the edge of the raft and fought the river head-on even though you don’t like water and haven’t since you nearly drowned as a child.”
“It’s foolishness, sheer cowardice as my father always says—”
“Stop.” She laid a hand on his arm. “You had a very traumatic experience as a child. It’s bound to affect you in ways that people might not understand in this century. If you hadn’t helped that poor man the river would have swept us further downstream. We might have capsized.”
“I just did what I had too.” Jesse ran a hand under the collar of his shirt.
“And you always do. That’s what I admire about you. And if you want to go west, I’m all for it. I would love to get away from the constant worry and ever-present danger. But I know you can’t desert with equanimity. If you feel you need to go back to your unit, I’ll support you. I’ll go live with your father again or we can get our own place.”
“Things will only get worse.”
She nodded. She’d told him prices would rise and food grow scarce. The Union Army would burn a swathe through the South and cities like Atlanta and Richmond would fall.
“The South loses the war. We should get out now, start a new life.”
“I’d be happy to, but not if it will cast a pall on our marriage. Not if you’ll always regret your decision and eventually come to blame me.”
“I would never blame you or anyone else for my own actions.”
“Maybe not, but I notice you didn’t say you wouldn’t regret it. Knowing what you know, it must be difficult to keep fighting, but I have a hard time seeing you as a deserter. Can you live with that label for the rest of your life?”
Could
